


Violet Veils

by TacticalCupcakes



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Doki Doki Literature Club! Spoilers, Gen, Implied/Referenced Abuse, POV First Person, References to Depression, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 06:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 51,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14731392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TacticalCupcakes/pseuds/TacticalCupcakes
Summary: "To see the world through your eyes... that would be a real treat..."Relive the storyline of Doki Doki Literature Club through the perspective of Yuri, and see how she navigates life.





	1. Crescent

The quarter-moon sits lazily in the sky, casting a glowing beam unto the world below. Outside, the wind is drifting softly, whistling ever so slightly.

 

It’s three in the morning, and I’ve yet to sleep.

 

I lean over my desk with a thick tome laying open on top, teasingly. I really couldn’t pull myself away from it; whenever I thought I’d reached a point I could finish up at, It sucked me back in, like an insurmountable torrent of words.

 

I’ve always felt more comfortable with books; perhaps it’s because they can transport you to new worlds, or because they can challenge not only your way of thinking, but your core ideals. Books can burst and make you question your own reality.

 

Or maybe it’s because they’re all I really have in the way of friends.

 

Books don’t judge you; they politely and patiently tell you their story, and from whatever world they originated, they don’t care who you are. Everyone is the same to a book.

 

_I’m going to be a wreck tomorrow…_

I force myself to close the book and stand up, stretching with great effort. I must have been here for hours, hunched over the book; my back aches in protest, each throbbing pulse chastising me.

 

Slowly but purposefully I drag myself over to my bed, and collapse onto my back. It initially groans, but is quickly quelled by the cloudlike quilt.

 

_I should at least try to sleep a little bit…_

 

I close my eyes, and pull the covers over me. It’s only at this point does it fully hit me how tired I am; Sounds are becoming muted, and all I can feel is my breathing………

 

…

 

My alarm clock dances feverishly around my desk, jolting me awake.

 

I only managed to get a couple of hours of sleep. I feel totally exhausted, like a broken windowpane, but I have to get myself ready to face the day. Even if I don’t have much in the way of company throughout the school day, I at least get to go to the literature club afterwards; that’s motivation enough.

I make my way to the bathroom, and turn the tap. Dreamlike wisps of steam float around serenely.

 

The shower was refreshing, and filled me with new energy. I really do feel like I can conquer anything right now!  


From down below, I hear a delicate cry, demanding my attention. It belongs to my beloved cat, Mango. That might sound like an immature name for a pet, but my mother was always fond of both mangoes and cats; it just felt right.

I greet her downstairs and scratch her chin. She returns the gesture, purring and rubbing playfully against my fingers. I’m glad that I’m not totally alone in this world.

After feeding her, I turn to get some food for myself. I’m not too hungry, so something simple should do. I open the… the…

 

_Wh-What is this…?_

 

_My… My arm…_

_It feels so itchy!_

I can feel my heartbeat growling through my ears, my gaze locked onto the arm underneath my sleeve. I can feel it pining through the fabric, sharp electric currents zig-zagging along my body.

 

I gulp deeply.

 

Pulling my sleeve back, I reach for the…

 

“No!”

 

I shake my head back and forth repeatedly, forcefully yanking my sleeve back over my arm. I’m not going to let this beat me today. I’m going to go to school, and then I’m going to enjoy my time at the literature club.

 

Without eating, I quickly leave the house before I do something I might regret.


	2. Vivacious

 

My walk to school is relatively uneventful, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Whilst it can be a bit lonely sometimes, I do enjoy the peaceful nature of it.

I don’t live terribly far away, so I can take my time heading over, savouring the radiant sun as it pours down its light.

But there’s something I can’t quite shake…

_Twitch_

I grip at my itchy arm, gently squeezing it. It feels like there’s ants scuttling around against my skin, darting without direction, looking for an exit that doesn’t exist.

Mercifully, I’m brought out of my thoughts as I arrive at the school gates. Slowly inching towards the doors, I can feel sets of eyes snapping towards me. I don’t like the attention; unlike my books, these eyes bore through me, winding around my veins, tugging at them.

I already stick out in a crowd; I’m considerably taller than my peers, and my waist-length hair must make me look like I carry a dark aura around me. Step by step, eyes locking onto me, hiding in my shroud, I can feel their thoughts.

I can feel my breath quickening, my heart beating dully against my chest.

 

_I… I can do this… I don’t need it…_

Letting out a strained sigh, I head for my first class of the day.

 

…

 

The entire day has been spent rapidly tapping my foot against my desk, biting my lip, spinning my pen between my fingers, doing anything to keep my mind busy. I hope that one day I’m not simply getting through the day; it would be lovely to appreciate that time.

 

But I made it. It’s time for the literature club to meet.

 

I carefully climb the staircase, hearing my footsteps bounce around the walls. The gentle ambience is a nice reprieve from how jittery the rest of the day has felt so far. The school definitely has a different atmosphere later on in the day; it’s quieter, and there’s far fewer people around. It’s… nice…

 

Before long, I arrive at the club’s meeting room. I can hear familiar voices on the other side of the door. I delicately open the door, greeted by their smiles.

The first voice belongs to Monika, president of the Literature Club. She’s one of the few people I can talk to comfortably, and is a born leader. It’s sort of peculiar how we got to know each other; she found me one day, and quietly joined me as I was reading. I didn’t even notice her at first; I was too engrossed in my novel. However, she eventually asked about the book, and told me about the club. I’m forever thankful for that day, as it finally gave me…

Oh, sorry. I’m rambling a bit now, aren’t I?

Anyway, the other voice belongs to Natsuki. She has a drive that one wouldn’t expect from someone of her stature. It’s really quite admirable; I wish I could find it in myself to even be half as self-confident as she is able to be. Even if we don’t really see eye to eye on certain topics, I still have a lot of respect for her.

The two seem to be talking about a large tray of cupcakes that Natsuki had brought in. However, before I can ask about them myself, the door slides open again.

“Hey everyone! The new member’s here!”  
  
That’s Sayori. She’s a delightful bundle of joy who tries her best to make those around her smile. One has to envy her love of life; even in the face of the toughest of days, she can find a way to spin it in a positive light.

But… who is this with her?

A rather plain looking boy with unkempt brown hair is standing sheepishly beside her, rubbing his shoulder bashfully.

“Geez, I told you not to call me that yet…”  
  
This boy is… seemingly uninterested in this club. Perhaps I made him uncomfortable. _I’m sorry, everyone…_

“You brought a boy? Way to kill the atmosphere!” Natsuki says, folding her arms disapprovingly.

However, Monika looks much more welcoming.

“Ah, Emery! This is a nice surprise!”  
  
She smiles at him captivatingly, _I wonder where she knows him from?_

The boy, who is evidently named Emery, is at a loss for words. He seems to be spacing out, not noticing he’s staring right at Natsuki. She doesn’t take this well.

“What are you looking at?” She says defensively, “If you want to say something, say it.”  
  
“S-Sorry…” Emery looks to the side, flustered. I know what that feels like.

Sayori slides up close to him and whispers something, but I can’t make it out. She’s probably trying to assure him he’s not done anything wrong.

“Anyway!” She gestures happily, “This is Natsuki, always full of energy!”  
  
I suppose that’s an accurate description. Natsuki is certainly feisty.

“And this is Yuri!” She points over to me enthusiastically, “She’s the smartest one in the club.”  
  
I feel my face flush. I’m not used to being complimented like that.

“O-Oh, that can’t be true…” I stutter, retreating into my hair.

“Nonsense! You’re super clever, silly!” Sayori laughs. I know she’s trying to help, but it just makes me feel more anxious.

*Twitch*.

_Oh no._

I can feel the itching. This is getting too much.

“I-I’m going to go make some tea!”  
  
I quickly make my way out of the classroom, swiping up an electric kettle from the back as I leave. I need a break from this.


	3. Rush

My pulse booms through my ears, almost tearing me apart. My pace is quickened, clutching the kettle desperately to my chest.

Fire is erupting through my arm. It’s getting too much to bear.

I look behind me to check that I’m still alone, then I duck around a corner at the end of the hall. Almost dropping the kettle, I place it down at my feet, and slide right up against the wall.

_I’m going to hate myself later for this… I thought I could resist…_

Out of my blazer pocket I retrieve a small, slender knife. Flipping open the blade, I admire the curved shape. It’s so little, yet so powerful…

“Hello there, my whimsical, tiny, cerise friend…”

With my thumb, I pull my sleeve back, revealing my bare arm. It’d be immediately apparent to anyone who saw, but this isn’t the first time I’ve done this. My arm is laced with various scars and cuts of varying lengths and severity; some are light and faded, others glow a bright pink due to their youth.

I take a sharp breath, and draw the knife against my skin. I’m like an artist gently swirling their brush, allowing their art to literally come from their soul.

It hurts, but it’s not discouraging; it feels like all of the pressure built up inside of me is slowly being released and diffused. I’ve come to not only tolerate the pain, but to welcome the soothing feelings it brings.

That’s what’s so scary about this; I know it’s not a healthy way to cope, but it’s the only way I know how to.

As my heartbeat is quelled, I look over my arm. Thin red rivers flow down, running over the off-coloured bumps left by previous encounters.

My arm isn’t itchy anymore.

 

I take a few deep breaths, and then pick the kettle back up, heading to the water fountain. If I take too long, they’ll start to worry about me, or worse, look for me.

I rinse my arm under the steady stream. It stings, but I don’t mind. Out of my other pocket, I pull out a loose bandage with my free hand. Gripping it in my teeth to stabilize it, I wrap it tightly around my arm, concealing the fresh cuts. _This should do for now…_

Fulfilling the original purpose of this trip, I carefully fill up the kettle, and cautiously walk back to the classroom.

 

When I return, everyone is already sat around a collection of desks pulled closely together. I don’t think anyone noticed my return, so I let them continue as I prepare the tea. After a few minutes, everything is ready, and I place a teacup in front of everyone. They all smile, accepting it, and I take my seat at the makeshift table next to Natsuki.

I take a careful drink from the cup, allowing myself to savour the flavour. It really is relaxing; I wish this was enough to help me when things get bad, I really do. I hate myself for being this warped horror, looming in the shadows, only finding comfort in pain.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, making me jump slightly. I look over and see Monika smiling at me.

“We’ll do our best, right?” She says, grinning.  


Natsuki stammers out a reply, and I simply nod. It seems she was similarly spaced out.

I suppose she wants us to make our new member feel a bit more at home… _Well, this is a literature club, perhaps he’d like to talk about his preferred genres?_

“So, Emery…” I say, turning to the boy, “what kinds of things do you like to read?”

He gulps nervously. “Well, ah…”

“…Manga…” Looking off to the side, he speaks shyly under his breath.

I pull my hands close to my chest. It’s not that I think manga is a totally illegitimate form of writing, but I was really hoping I could have someone to discuss the kinds of writing I’m into.

“N-Not much of a reader, I guess…”

Emery looks up at me. “Well, that can change…”

 _Eh? What’s this all of a sudden?_  


I admire his willingness to try new things. I wouldn’t have initially expected it from him, even if I’m just going by superficial appearances.

“What do you like to read, Yuri?” He asks.

Running my finger around the edge of my teacup, I find myself filled with new enthusiasm. I relish any opportunity to talk about my love of literature.

“Recently, I suppose I’ve been reading a lot of horror… I’m a big believer in literature’s ability to challenge the psyche, so to have such an immersive tale question your ideals and foundations can be extremely exhilarating…”

“Ah, I read a horror book once…” Emery says, scratching the back of his head.

_Is he really trying that hard to grasp something to relate to?_

I chastise myself for having such niche interests, but Natsuki jumps in.

“Ugh, I hate horror…”

“Oh? Why’s that?” I turn over to her. She immediately looks flustered.

“Well… It’s just…” She looks over at each of us, one by one, before sinking slightly in her chair.

“…never mind…”

_It’s okay if you’re scared of this type of writing. If you’d like, I could show it to you sometime; it might be less scary if you go through it with someone familiar…_

“That’s right, you usually like to write about cute things, don’t you?” Monika interjects happily.

“Wh-What? What gives you that idea?” Natsuki blushes slightly, stammering. _I know she dislikes it, but she really can be quite adorable. I understand where Monika is coming from._

“You left behind some scrap paper at the last meeting. It looked like the start of a poem called-“

 

“D-Don’t say it out loud! And give that back!”

Natsuki’s face is flushed a bright red as she snatches the paper back from Monika, who laughs dismissively.

Sayori giggles. “Your cupcakes, your poems… everything you do is just as cute as you are!”

She slides behind Natsuki, wrapping her up in a hug. Natsuki doesn’t look like she’s enjoying this at all.

“I’m not cute!” She yells, clearly angry now. Paradoxically, this just makes her look even cuter. I wish I could be that appealing so effortlessly…

“You write your own poems, Natsuki?” Emery asks. “That’s quite impressive, why don’t you share them sometime?”

Natsuki’s eyes widen. “N-No! You…”

She looks at everyone around the table, then to me.

“Y-You wouldn’t… like them…”

Emery laughs. “Not a very confident writer yet, huh?”

Natsuki looks incredibly nervous. I feel like I should say something.

“I understand how she feels; sharing that level of writing takes more than just confidence. After all, the truest form of writing is to oneself.”

I can’t help but feel slightly proud of myself. That sounded quite poignant.

Monika turns to me, her hand raised. “Do you also have writing experience, Yuri? If you were to share as well, it might make everyone a bit more comfortable!”  
  
I let out a small squeak, caught off guard by her suggestion. I suppose on paper it’s a good idea, but I didn’t mean to volunteer myself…

Sayori looks disappointed. “Aww, I wanted to read everyone’s poems…”

After a minute or so of uncomfortable silence, Monika stands up, a large smile on her face.

“Okay, Everyone! How about we all write a poem tonight, and bring it to the next meeting to share?”

I can feel myself tensing up. I’m not ready for this…

 

Sayori, however, seems happy, shooting her fist up in determination. “Yeah! Let’s do it!”

_I can’t really protest when she’s so happy, can I? I envy your enthusiasm, Sayori…_

“Plus, now that we have a new member…” She turns to Emery, “I think it’d help us get a bit more acquainted with each other, don’t you think?”

Emery looks a bit uncertain.

“Hold on, there’s still one problem! I never said I’d join this club!”  


That’s correct… Up to this point, we’ve just discussed general pleasantries… I hope I didn’t intimidate him... this is probably all my fault…

He looks around with a guilty expression, then sighs, running a hand through his hair.

“Okay, I’ve decided… I’ll join the literature club.”

“Then it’s official!” Monika beams, delighted. “So, are we all in agreement? Write a poem to share tomorrow!”

Everyone gathers their belongings, and moves to leave. Sayori shuffles over to Emery, and the two leave together. They must be close friends…

Now, I suppose I should think about what to write for tomorrow…


	4. Benevolence

It’s certainly been an involved day today. There’s a new member in the literature club, and we have to not only write, but share that writing with everyone else?

 

This is all so sudden… I don’t want to make things awkward…

Wait, perhaps if I tried to be welcoming in sharing my favourite books, I could make a new friend. Even if Emery doesn’t appear to be seriously invested in reading, he was at least open to the possibility.

I’ll walk through downtown on my way home today; there’s something I need to pick up.

 

…

 

The sky glows a gentle amber, counterbalanced by wavering blue as it shifts from evening to twilight. It feels a bit less hectic later on in the day; there’s fewer people around, and I don’t feel like I have to worry so much about people staring at me.

Soon, I arrive at my destination; _Hon-Ya Books._ I’ve come here often to pick up new books, as they seem to have an absolutely endless selection. The shop is large, but still welcoming, and has provided a wonderful sanctuary to me countless times.

But today, I’m on a mission.

 

With purpose, I make my way towards the back of the ground floor, through the towering shelves, winding through the various categories until I find what I’m looking for; the paranormal.

I delicately run my finger across the spines of the books, stopping every so often to make mental notes of new titles to pick up, and settle upon a large, leather-bound book titled _Portrait of Markov_.

This is one of my favourite books; whenever I find myself struggling to decide on what to read next, I can always count on it to help me settle my mind. Despite the overall tone being psychologically challenging, it’s a faithful read that never fails to disappoint.

However, this copy isn’t for me. I’m going to gift this to Emery tomorrow. My hope is that he’ll give it a chance, and then perhaps I’ll have someone I can talk to about it. One’s own perceptions can greatly alter how the story is told, and I’d love to have the chance to delve into my theories regarding the plot.

I quickly take the book to the counter and pay, then begin walking home. The air is soft and inviting, guiding me along the path.

_I hope this is a good idea…_

I grip the book tightly. I must be overthinking things, right? Friends give gifts to each other all the time, and it’ll probably be appreciated since it’s something I enjoy so much.

_But what if…_

I shake my head. I can’t keep thinking in hypotheticals, or I’ll forget about what’s actually happening. I should just focus on getting home for now…

 

…

 

The sun is finally sliding over the horizon by the time I get home. Slotting the key in, I swiftly open the door.

“ _Tadaima…_ ”

 

I don’t know why I announce my return anymore; I’ve lived alone for years at this point. Perhaps there’s still some part of me that wants to hear a cheerful voice call back.

“Nyowah!”

Suddenly, I hear the little _pap-pap-pap_ of Mango’s feet as she runs towards me, rubbing up against my leg.

I laugh to myself. _Of course, I suppose I’m not totally alone after all…_

She follows me to the kitchen, and I start to prepare dinner.

 

…

 

Before I know it, it’s already dark outside, and I still haven’t written a poem for tomorrow’s club meeting.

I rest my elbows on my desk, clasping my hands together and staring at the blank sheet in front of me. Maybe if I stare at the page long enough, I can awaken something inside of me, like the “Third Eye” referenced in _The Libitina Project_.

Picking up my pen, I simply decide to let the words flow from my fingers, carrying the piece forward in whatever direction fate wills it.

After some time, I read over the poem:

**Tragedy**

_Worried whispers from silent spires,_

_Igniting internal, florid fires,_

_Spiteful scorn, unicorns_

_Of absolute atrophy, faces worn,_

_Captivation, illumination,_

_Minds lost in desolation,_

_Chanced encounters, fearfully fated,_

_Candid diplomacy, frustrated._

_Intoxicating vapors from her eyes,_

_Beckoning closer, severing ties,_

_Can I meet her glowing gaze,_

_Holding pupils together for days?_

_Methodical clunks of forceful looms,_

_Weaving tapestries of my doom,_

_Silent doorways allow reprieve,_

_Finally giving me pause to grieve._

I scan the paper up and down, over and over. I’m not sure the other club members would like this kind of poem…the meaning behind it would probably be totally lost.

I pull out a new sheet of paper, tapping my pen lightly against my forehead.

Leaning forward, my hair envelops me, softly glowing from the small lamp on the table by my bedside.

I pause, and stop to think about what I want to achieve with this poem.

_The tendrils of my hair illuminate beneath the amber glow…_

 

I hope that one day, I’ll be comfortable enough with myself to truly be vulnerable around someone. I want to look into someone’s eyes, and have them sparkle when we meet.

_The light flickers. I flicker back._

Satisfied with the new poem, I slip it into my notebook,

_I suppose all I can do now is wait for tomorrow’s meeting…_


	5. Benefaction

Classes go by without much out of the ordinary happening. I’ve read that sometimes people can zone out if they’re more intelligent than their peers, as the material can feel like it’s moving too slowly.

_Th-That’s not to say I think I’m smarter than everyone else, of course! I just… oh, I just shouldn’t have said that…_

My bag is heavy, carrying both the book I had purchased for Emery as well as my own personal copy. The weight is somewhat comforting though, as if it’s grounding me.

_I suppose it’s about time for me to head to the literature club…_

Suddenly, I feel something coil around my ankle, causing me to stumble. After desperately trying to maintain my footing, I fall to the ground, landing painfully on my chest. The momentum of the fall causes one of the books to fly out of the top of my bag, the force opening the gentle clasp.

_Wh-What just happened…?_

I hear soft, sickening giggles, and look up.

“Looks like you were right, Emiri! She’s so top-heavy she can’t even walk properly!”

The voice belongs to a girl named Itsumi. The two of them are amongst the most popular students in the school.

 

_Wait… “Top-heavy”… are they talking about…_

I can feel beads of sweat starting to push through my forehead. I quickly pull myself up to my feet, embarrassed by their implication. Even though I’m taller than the two of them, I still feel so small in comparison. Their confident personas corner me in timidity.

 

“Oh cool, look! I got a prize!”

 

Itsumi quickly kneels down, and picks up the book that had flown from my bag.

 

“H-Hey!” I start to say, “P-Please don’t take that!”  
  
She grins. “Oh? I just wanted to take a look at it… but if you want it back…”

 

She takes the book and places it between her thighs, clasping it tightly between her legs.

“It’s right here; come and get it!”

 

“Wh-Wh-What?! B-B-B-B-“

 

I can’t make full words form anymore. I can feel my face blazing in chagrin. Turning around, I see Emiri laughing with her mobile phone pointed up towards us. _She’s recording this?! I’m going to have to… and everyone is going to see…_

It’s getting harder to breathe. The flame behind my cheeks begins to permeate through my whole body, making me dizzy. It coils around my arm mercilessly, constricting it like a rough vine.

Itsumi laughs tauntingly. “What’s the problem? It’s right here!”

I gulp, slowly extending my trembling hand forward before snatching it back. _I can’t do this…_

“Look at her! She must want me to keep it!”

 

“That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo!”

 

_Eh? Who was that?_

Itsumi squeals as the book is quickly snatched up from behind her.

 

“Eek! What is wrong with you, you weirdo?!”

 

The two girls flee, revealing my savior to be…

“…Sayori?”

Sayori has a proud smile on her face, standing tall in a confident victory pose.

 

“Are you okay? Did those meanies take this from you?”  
  
She extends the book towards me, and I gratefully accept it.

“Th-Thank you, Sayori… You didn’t have to do that for me…”

 

“But I did! You’re my friend, silly, of course I have to!”

 

I can’t help but laugh slightly. She really is a sweet girl.

“So, what is this anyway? Another gripping book that totally changes your world view through its obscure yet alluring themes?”

_That’s… surprisingly accurate…_

“Huh?” I glance down at the book, then back to her. “Oh, no, th-this is a gift…”

Sayori’s eyes light up immediately. “Aww! That’s so cute! Who’s it for?”

“W-Well, um… I was hoping I could give it to Emery…” I mumble.

Sayori laughs. “Ooh! I know he’s gonna love it! Wait, I need to go tell him!”

“H-Hold on, Sayori!”  
  


Before I can protest, she’s already running off. _I sincerely hope she hasn’t got the wrong idea about this…_

But at least the conflict with those girls has been resolved. Now that there’s nothing in my way, I should start making my way to the literature club.

 

…

 

When I arrive, I’m surprised to see Sayori isn’t already there. Instead, Natsuki is sitting by the windows, reading some of her manga. I have my book under my arm, almost as if to protect it.

 

“Hey,” Natsuki looks up at me, “is that another of your horror novels?”

_What’s this? Natsuki showing interest in this?_

“Oh, um, yes! It’s one of my very favourites! It’s called _Portrait of Markov._ ”

“Who’s Markov?” She has a look of skepticism painted across her face.

“Oh, well, it’s more of an overarching theme in the book… It’s hard to talk about it without spoiling the plot, but it’s engrossing; I can’t put it down!”

 

This is true; Even though I’ve read it cover to cover too many times to count, I’m just as absorbed in it as when I first picked it up. Subconsciously, I hug the book closely; it has truly been a faithful companion.

_But if Natsuki’s asking about it… maybe she’s interested?_

“W-Would you like to take a look?” I hold the book out to her, but she waves her hand.

 

“Nah, I can’t stand that-“ She starts to say, but cuts herself off. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed; perhaps she picked up on it. Flustered, she fumbles with her words.

“U-Um, that is, I sometimes get a bit lost in those dense books, y’know? The language just goes over my head!”  
  
She chuckles softly to herself. Even if she’s just trying to spare my feelings, it does feel nice.

“Oh, of course. I assume this is more to your tastes?” I say, reaching for her manga, but she quickly grabs it and pulls it away. The suddenness of the gesture makes me jump back slightly.

Natsuki must feel awkward. I know she’s very protective of her manga; I shouldn’t have carelessly tried to take it from her like that.

“S-Sorry…” She says bashfully. “But hey! Maybe someday I could suck it up and look over your brick there!”  
  
She grins, pointing at _Portrait of Markov._

“Maybe you could even read a bit to me…”

“What was that?” _Did I hear that right?_

Natsuki stands up defensively, folding her arms and looking away. “D-Don’t misinterpret that! I just meant, like, if I don’t know what a certain word is, you’ll have to tell me! It’s not like I want to j-just read with you or anything like that!”  
  
I look at her quizzically. “…I see.”  


Shrugging, I take a seat at a desk beside the door, and open up the book. _There’s probably enough time before everyone else shows up to read a little…_


	6. Motion

The door slides open, and Monika strolls through. She gives a polite nod to myself, then to Natsuki before sitting at the teacher’s desk, rifling through papers in her bag.

Sayori is next to enter the clubroom, pointing enthusiastically in front of her.

 

“Heeeyyyyyyyyyyy!”

 

She has a big grin on her face, but we all just look at her without saying anything. There’s an awkward moment of silence.

“Ehehe… I thought that would look kind of cool…”

 

She bashfully rubs the back of her head before settling down in a desk off to the side. She really is quite sweet; I’ll need to find a proper opportunity to thank her for earlier.

After a short while, Emery finally shows up. With everyone accounted for, Monika stands up and heads over to him.

“It’s good to see you didn’t run off on us, Emery!” She flashes a soft smile at him.

“Heh, well, even if this is a bit strange for me, I do keep my word.”

_He’s trying his best to fit in. Perhaps now would be a good time…_

I stand up and clear my throat, which causes everyone to turn to me.

“Thank you for keeping your promise, Emery… I hope this isn’t too overwhelming of a commitment for you…”

_That’s not too formal, is it? I don’t want to scare him away…_

I subconsciously begin pulling a strand of hair through my fingers, swirling it around. “Making you dive headfirst into literature when you’re not really accustomed to it…”

_Why do I feel so ashamed? This isn’t what I wanted to say at all!_

“Oh, come on!” Natsuki almost shouts, standing up. “Like he deserves any slack!”  


Emery looks taken aback, but Natsuki’s on the offensive now. There’s little that can make her back down.

“Sayori told me you didn’t even want to join any clubs this year. And last year, too!”  


She shifts her body dominantly to face Emery, looking him straight in the eyes. You can practically feel the animosity flowing from her gaze.

“I don’t know if you came here just to hang out, or whatever, but if you don’t take us seriously…”

She raises her fist threateningly. Well, as threateningly as an adorable little cupcake girl can.

“You won’t see the end of it.”

_She’s remarkably assertive in spite of her stature. Or maybe she feels like she has to compensate for that?_

Monika places a hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle, then turns over to Natsuki, winking. “Natsuki, you certainly have a big mouth for someone who keeps her manga collection in the clubroom.”

“M-M-M…!”

She turns a deep crimson, reduced to mere stuttering; it’s a stark contrast to how she was just moments before.

“Manga is literature!” she yells, before stomping off to the back of the room in a huff. _Goodness, she can even make anger look cute… but I’d better not tell her that…_

Sensing the rising tension, Sayori jumps in.

“Don’t worry guys! Emery always gives it his best as long as he’s having fun!”

She faces Emery, beaming.

“He helps me all the time with busywork, like cooking, cleaning my room…”

As she continues to list everything she likes about Emery, I can’t help but feel a pang of envy. It’s been so long since I had someone care for me…

Emery doesn’t seem impressed though, crossing his arms and cocking his head towards Sayori. “That’s because your room is so messy it’s distracting. And the last time you cooked, you almost set your house on fire!”

Sayori laughs nervously. _Maybe I should say something…_

I walk over to the two of them, trying my best to appear casual.

“You two are really quite good friends, aren’t you? I might be a little jealous…”

Sayori blinks inquisitively. “Oh? But you and Emery can become great friends too!”

I suddenly feel very awkward. I want to say that I’m more envious of that level of companionship as opposed to Emery himself, but I don’t want to offend either of them. Whilst it’s true I’d like to get to know him better, I don’t want Sayori speaking for either of us…

 

“Oh! Yuri even brought a gift for you, you know!”

 _Wait, Sayori! I didn’t want to do it like this!_  
  


Sayori nudges me slightly with her elbow, causing me to tense up instinctively. Emery is just looking at me now with large expectant eyes.

“S-Sayori! It’s nothing important or anything!”

“Oh, come on Yuri! I’m sure he’ll love it!”

Emery smiles. “I wasn’t really expecting anything anyway, so whatever you have for me will be a nice surprise.”

Sayori winks at me and gives me another nudge. My face is burning; _I suppose I don’t really have a way out of this, except maybe… the window_ …

_No, that’d never work. Defenestration is rarely a smart choice. Especially since it’s such a specific, peculiar word._

Taking a deep breath to compose myself, I pull the second copy of _Portrait of Markov_ out of my bag, and hand it to Emery, who politely accepts it.

“I-It’s a relatively short read, so I thought it’d be helpful to get you adjusted to the club. A-And if you’d like, perhaps we could… discuss it…”

I have no idea where to look. _I just want to go home and crawl into bed and never come out._

Emery studies the cover, turning the book over a few times. “Thanks Yuri, I appreciate it! You know, maybe I _will_ give this a look over!”

Not knowing what else to do, I bow quickly, then hurry back over to my desk in the back of the room, opening up my own book, burying my face in it. My arm twitches involuntarily against the pages.

Even if I’m embarrassed, I did it; I had a totally normal conversation with someone, and even gave them a gift!

Hopefully a little bit of reading will settle my nerves before we delve into today’s club activities…


	7. Soliloquy

Glancing over my book, I see everyone else is similarly passing the time; Monika is talking with Sayori about something I can’t quite make out, Natsuki is reading through a volume of her Manga, and Emery is…

 

He’s actually asleep.

 

I can’t help but feel a little upset that he didn’t even take a second look at the book I gave him. Perhaps it’s my fault for expecting too much?

If only I was interested in normal things like everybody else; then I might not be so lonely that I try to latch onto whoever even shows mild interest.

Sayori drifts over like precarious seafoam, shaking Emery slightly by the shoulders.

“Hey, this isn’t the napping club! You can’t just stay up all night watching anime if it’s going to make you sleep in the club!”

I giggle quietly to myself. It’s nice to see Sayori standing up for her convictions; perhaps I could learn something from her.

Emery seems perturbed by her comments, worriedly looking over his shoulder to see if anyone heard. I did, but I’m not really one to pass judgment.

“You know, you shouldn’t be so hypocritical Sayori! Look! Your hair’s all messy, your bow’s crooked, and you’ve got toothpaste on your collar!”

_That’s… direct. I wonder if he usually thinks before he speaks._

_No, that sounds mean… that’s not what I meant…_

He lets out a long sigh, and then starts buttoning up her blazer. She seems grateful. At least.

This is the kind of thing I meant when I said I was jealous of the two of them earlier. They have a certain synchronicity, and they perform it so effortlessly. The two look out for each other in their own special way.

 

After reading a few more chapters, Emery approaches me, paper in hand.

“Hey, uh, we’re supposed to share poems, right?”

_Oh, that’s true. I hope what I have is good enough…_

I clear my throat. “O-Of course… Let me see what you have then…”

I take the poem, a scan over it;

 **My first poem**  
_Adventure  
Bliss_

 _Childhood_  
Friends  
Family  
Excitement  
Lucky  
Laugh  
Peaceful  
Together

It’s… very abstract, to say the least. Is this even a poem?

No, of course it is. The freedom of structure and expression is part of what makes poetry such a wonderful medium. Whilst this is certainly a simple poem, I can tell there’s a fairly pleasant theme behind it; it’s as if the subject is recounting how happy to share a friendship, or perhaps something more, with someone they’ve known since they were young. It’s kind of funny, it almost sounds like-

“Ahem.”

Emery coughs slightly, looking directly at me. _Oh bother, I must’ve been taking too long!_  
  
“A-Ah, sorry! I guess I forgot to start speaking…”

Emery waves his hand dismissively. “It’s fine, don’t force yourself.”

“I’m not…” _I think he’s trying to be helpful, but I don’t appreciate being spoken for…_

“I-I just need to put my thoughts into words.”

 

I place the poem down on the desk in front of me, and massage my temple with my index finger. I think I know what I want to say. I take a deep breath, and turn to him.

 

“This is your first time writing a poem, right?”

“Er, yeah…” He says bashfully, pointing at the title of the piece. “Is it that bad?”

“Oh, no no no!” I half-shout, but catch myself. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to raise my voice at you like that…”  
  
_Is there any way I could make this even more awkward?_

Ashamed at myself, I hide my face in my hands, allowing my hair to drape over me. Each second feels like an hour, trapped in this piercing prison of discomfiture.

I don’t know how long it lasts, but Emery breaks the silence.

“It’s okay, I really didn’t notice… what were you going to say?”

“Oh, right… um…”

_Where was I? I was talking about… oh, him being a new writer!_

“There are just certain things that are pretty typical of newer writers; perhaps what stuck out to me the most is your very deliberate word choice here. As a result, you’ve got an expression that conflicts with the core message of this piece, and the two are consequently left weakened.”

I almost feel proud of myself for that. It’s probably the most coherent I’ve sounded in a long time whilst talking to someone new.

“Of course, that’s not to say it’s your fault; there are so many different structures that can go into a poem, and trying to make them fit together can be difficult.”

“I just hope that everyone can give you useful advice here. I know Natsuki can be a bit biased…”

_Eh? Where’d that come from?_

“Hm? How so?” Emery asks, confused.

“W-Well…never mind… I really shouldn’t be talking about people like that… sorry…”

_Am I apologizing to myself, to him, or to Natsuki? I’m not even sure… but I do know that it’s hurtful to talk about others without them knowing…_

I’d meant to say that Natsuki’s writing style is a fair bit different from everyone else in the club, but as it typically happens, I only just find the right words after the moment has already passed.

“Okay… Do you mind if I read your poem now?” Emery holds his hand out for the paper.

“O-Oh, of course! I’d love to share my thought process behind it!”

Smiling, I present him with the poem.

He looks like he’s having… some difficulty reading what I’ve written. _I should’ve taken more time to create a presentable piece._

“I-I’m sorry my handwriting is so bad… I don’t want to make you take such a long time reading it…”

Emery holds his hand up as if to stop my train of thought. “It’s not that! I just don’t really see cursive often… it’s really quite beautiful in a way.”

I sigh in relief. Hopefully I can remember this and not internalize it later.

“I liked the poem though. It’s short, yet descriptive.”  
  
“I-I’m glad you enjoyed it. If I’m being honest, since it’s our first piece we’re sharing, I wanted to restrain myself a little… I usually write longer poems, you see…”

Emery nods in agreement. “So, are you into ghosts, Yuri?”

I find myself laughing slightly.

“Actually, it’s not about ghosts at all…”

He looks visibly disappointed. “I guess the meaning went right over my head.”

“It’s okay, you did only glance over it, after all. But remember that poets use their words to express specific ideas; a composition will usually represent much more than a simple story. Simile and Metaphor are crucial to a poem, and can create some vivid symbolism, like the ghosts in my poem. Do you understand? She’s holding onto remnants of a better time, only to fade away soon…”

“I hadn’t thought of it that way… that’s impressive, Yuri!”

I blush slightly at the compliment. “I’m glad you think so… hopefully, these are things that you’ll pick up on as well.”

“We’ll see,” he laughs, handing my poem back to me.

 

_That wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be… Who should I share my poem with next?_


	8. Pugnacity

Poem in hand, I make my way over to Natsuki. I know our styles are vastly different; I’m curious to see what she’ll make of this.

“U-Um, excuse me Natsuki…”

She looks up at me with her large, glossy eyes. “Oh hey, what’s up?”

“I-I suppose we should exchange our poems, don’t you think?”

Natsuki smirks, confidence radiating from her. “Alright, but brace yourself: this here’s top tier poetry!”

We trade our respective papers. _This piece is called ‘Eagles can fly’?_

Natsuki’s poem is… well, it’s about what I was expecting. It’s certainly a poem, but I don’t see what it’s trying to convey. Is there a deeper meaning behind these simple sentences?

“What’s with this language…?” Natsuki mumbles to herself, just barely loud enough for me to hear.

“Oh? Did you say something?”

Natsuki quickly turns to me in surprise before handing my poem back to me.

“Well, I guess you could say it’s fancy…”

 

_Is that all? Are you not curious about the metaphors or the emotion that went behind it? It’s just ‘fancy’?_

_No, calm down Yuri, I’m sure she’s just trying to let me down gently…_

I read over Natsuki’s poem again, trying to think of something nice to say about it. It might not be the kind of poem I particularly like, but I think she made a good effort.

“Thanks… yours is… cute…”

Natsuki’s eye twitches. _Oh, that’s right. She doesn’t like being called cute._

“Did you completely miss the point? It’s clearly about giving up. How is that cute?” She exclaims, clearly angered.

I really don’t feel good now. I didn’t mean for this to happen…

“I-I know! It’s just, your word choice… s-sorry, I just wanted to say something nice…”

This doesn’t seem to make her feel any better. If anything, it just upsets her even more. She turns away, emphatically crossing her arms.

“You mean you have to try _that_ hard to come up with something nice to say? Thanks, but it really didn’t come out nice at all!”

_How can I fix this? Maybe… I could try giving a more honest critique…?_

“Well, I do have a couple of suggestions…”

Natsuki balks, raising an eyebrow at me. “If I wanted suggestions, I would have asked someone who actually liked it. Which people _did_ , by the way!”

She looks around the room before turning back to me. _Who else has she shown this to?_

“E-Emery liked it! And so did Sayori!”

Natsuki flares her arms out by her sides in an attempt to appear intimidating.

“So based on that, I’ll gladly give you some pointers of my own. First-“

I raise my hand to interrupt her. I _was_ going to just let this go, but if she’s implying my writing style is in need of improvement, then that’s just objectively false.

“Excuse me,” I start, clearing my throat, “but I’ve spent a long time establishing my style. Whilst I appreciate the offer, I don’t expect anything to change that unless I come across something _particularly_ inspiring…”

“Which I haven’t yet.” I nod quickly for emphasis. Natsuki takes a step back, clearly unsure of how to respond.

_Okay, what’s the most efficient way to win an argument? If Natsuki’s implying Emery’s opinion means her piece is better than mine, then the best thing I can do here is prove that it’s not really important._

“Oh, and Emery told me he liked my poem as well. He even went so far as to say that he was impressed by it.”

However, Natsuki’s reaction is not what I expected. She places her hands on her hips, standing proudly with her shoulders out wide, and flashes a mischievous grin.

“Wow Yuri, I didn’t realize you were so invested in trying to gain our new member’s approval!”

_Wh-What is this?_

I can feel myself getting hot. I don’t know where to look. Natsuki has a sharp, smug expression.

“Th-That’s not…! I think you’re jealous that he appreciates my advice more than yours!”

I’m not sure what the two of them might have talked about earlier, but I can be certain based off of this interaction that I gave him great literary advice.

“What makes you so sure of that? Are you that full of yourself?”

I can feel the tension escalating between us, like hail rising upwards from the ground. _Are we resorting to ad hominem now? Then perhaps I need to fight similarly…_

“Of course not!” I say determinedly, “If I _were_ , I’d go out of my way to make everything I do overly cutesy, like one of your manga characters!”

_Your move, Natsuki._

I feel a minor twang of guilt for stooping this low, but if this is how she wants to play, then so be it.

Sayori drifts over to us, a look of genuine concern on her face.

“Is everyone okay?”

 

However, neither of us respond. Natsuki suddenly points directly at me, her confidence piercing through me. Then she says something that I really wasn’t expecting.

 

“Well, I wasn’t the one whose boobs magically grew as soon as Emery started showing up!”

 

_Wh-what…? M=My…?!_

I’m totally speechless. Bewildered, I grip my arm behind my back. It starts to sting, each syllable playing back over and over, rolling back and forth against it. I can’t stop myself from blushing profusely.

Monika now attempts to step in, raising a hand to Natsuki.

“Come on now Natsuki, I think that’s a bit-“  
  
“This doesn’t concern you!” She snaps back. She seems ultimately determined to leave this quarrel victorious, whatever that might look like for her.

“I don’t like fighting you guys!” Sayori cries out, flustered.

I’ve lost all will to defend myself at this point; it’s an idiotic conflict brought forth by my own lack of tact, and I deeply regret dragging it out to this point. I’m so embarrassed… I just want this to stop now.

Emery has wandered over at this point. _Maybe he can help me out of this?_

“Sh-She’s just trying to make me look bad!”

At this point, I really just feel like I’m trying to find an excuse to end this. Unfortunately, Natsuki doesn’t appear to share the sentiment.

“That’s not true! What would I have to gain from making her look bad? If she could get over herself and learn to appreciate that simple writing is more effective, then this wouldn’t be happening right now!”

She turns to face Emery. “Surely you can relate to that, right?”

_What is this feeling…?_

If she wants to attack my character, that’s fine; most people do that anyway. But if you’re going to go after my salvation, the blazing force that is emotive word, then you’ve gone too far.

“Hold it!” I exclaim, thrusting my hand out in front of me, “There’s a reason we have such a vast array of words in our language! How else can we truly convey our deepest feelings? Avoiding them is just needlessly handicapping yourself!”

I turn on my heel to face Emery. “Surely you can comprehend that?”

His eyes dart back and forth between the two of us. Truth be told, I don’t really feel good about forcing him into our disagreement, but this is what it’s come down to.

Emery closes his eyes, apparently in thought. _What is he going to say?_


	9. Ceasefire

“Sayori!”

Emery calls out suddenly to Sayori, who looks back at him, perplexed.

“Y-Yeah, that’s it! You guys are making Sayori uncomfortable! Why are you fighting when you know how it makes her feel?”

Natsuki isn’t moved. “Well, that’s her problem! This isn’t about her!”

Astonishingly, I find myself agreeing with Natsuki here. “It’s unfair for others to insert their own feelings into the conflicts of others.”

Natsuki scoffs, motioning at me with her thumb. “Unless she wants to tell Yuri what a jerk she’s being.”

“Excuse me? It’s your immaturity that’s upsetting her in the first place!”

Natsuki recoils, placing a hand on her chest. “Are you kidding me? Are you listening to yourself right now?”

_This is going to cycle around forever, isn’t it? The two of us are trapped in a perpetual loop of “She said, no, she said, no, she said!”_

Natsuki puffs up her chest slightly. “See, this is exactly why nobody likes-“

“Guys!”

Before Natsuki can finish her thought, Sayori interrupts her. “You guys are my friends! I just want everyone to be happy and get along with each other…”

I rub my shoulder nervously. _She’s right… I shouldn’t have allowed this to get so out of control…_

“I love you guys _because_ of your differences!” She says, turning to Natsuki, “Your poems are amazing because they say so much whilst saying so little!”

Gosh… That’s a nice way of looking at it. Perhaps I shouldn’t be so close minded; The deeper meaning is hidden within the structure itself, meaning it takes a truly keen eye to perceive her message.

“And Yuri,” She wheels around to me, “Your poems create these beautiful images in your head!”

She sighs, gazing plaintively at the clouds outside of the window. She almost looks sad.

“Everyone’s so talented… so why are we fighting?”

I suddenly feel deeply ashamed. I let myself get too carried away.

“Also!” Sayori pivots around confidently, “Natsuki’s cute, and there’s nothing wrong with that!”

Natsuki looks like she wants to protest that, but backs down. _Sayori does have a point; Even when she’s angry, she’s certainly very endearing._

_I-I mean, I imagine if we knew each other better, she’d probably be sweeter than she lets on!_

_Um… just forget I said anything…_

Sayori faces me proudly, her fist clenched against her chest in a triumphant power pose.

“And Yuri’s boobs are the same as they always were! Big and beautiful1”

 _Wh-Wh-What?!_ _Why must everyone talk about my chest today?!_

I try to calm myself down, playing with a clip in my hair, sliding it up and down. _Slow breaths, Slow breaths…_

My cheeks are blazing. I feel like I’m going to die if anyone continues to look at me right now.

“I-I’m going to go make some tea…”

I rush past everyone, scooping up the kettle in my arms, and practically leap out of the door. I just wanted an excuse to leave the room for a moment, but perhaps some tea would help me calm down.

I don’t even feel like I’m walking; it’s as if my embarrassment is pulling me across the ground, distorting the world around me.

The young ribbons lacing my arm try to erupt through their imprisoning bandages. The blood flowing behind my ears becomes more and more agitated, until it’s all I can hear; metallic vapor whirling through my soul.

With shaking hands, I cautiously balance the kettle against the fountain, allowing the water to accumulate. _I don’t need it. I don’t need it. I don’t need it._

It was just a little argument, that’s all! People have argument’s all the time, it’s perfectly normal! And Sayori helped quell things before we passed a truly terrible point.

“Sayori…”

Even if she’s a bit clumsy with her words, she sincerely means well. Despite it being uncomfortable, I’m glad Emery encouraged her to intervene.

My breathing slows down slightly. Thumbtacks still cascade through my vision, but I think… I think I might be able to hold off for now.

_I should find some way to apologize to Natsuki… we’re both at fault, not just her._

I let out a long breath, and pick up the kettle. With slow, deliberate steps, I carry it back to the classroom.

 

…

 

Once I return, I notice that everyone seems to be wrapping up club activities for the day. There’s probably not enough time to make tea for everyone before they leave.

“Okay, Everyone!” Monika beams, her hand raised for attention. “It’s about time for us all to leave. Did you all enjoy sharing your poems?”

Sayori nods energetically. “It was so fun!”

“I-I suppose it was a unique experience…” I say softly, more to myself than anyone else.

“It was alright. Well, mostly…” Natsuki says, looking away from everyone with her arms folded tightly. She must still feel uncomfortable about earlier.

“It was kind of neat to hear everyone’s perspective,” Emery states starkly.

“Awesome!” Monika smiles at us all, “In that case, let’s all do the same thing for tomorrow, okay? Write a new poem to share with everyone!”

With the meeting officially over, I drift over to the back of the classroom, and plug the kettle in. Monika notices, stopping in the middle of the doorframe.

“Oh? We’re finished for the day Yuri.”

“O-Oh, I’m aware… I was just hoping to have some tea before I left…”

Monika blinks for a second before grinning back at me. “I see. Well, clean up after yourself, okay?”  


I nod, and she walks through the doorway, leaving me alone.

 

I let out a tense sigh, pouring out the scalding water into an elegant cup. I skillfully strain the leaves, allowing the serene aroma to steam from the cup. Closing my eyes, I take a dainty sip. The powerful flavour echoes through me.

 

_It’s been a long day…_


	10. Fortuitousness

Sitting alone in the classroom is more relaxing than I thought it would be. There’s a sense of order that isn’t present when there’s other people.

I probably shouldn’t stay here too long though; staying behind to calm down a bit was a good idea, but Mango will worry about me if I take too long to get home.

After a short trip to the lavatory sinks to rinse out the teacup and empty the rest of the water from the kettle, I return the tea supplies and gather my belongings. Tucking *Portrait of Markov* underneath my arm, I leave the classroom.

I probably shouldn’t make a habit of this, but it was a nice treat. The school has a totally different atmosphere without the crowds of students flowing through the hallways. The sounds of my lonesome steps ricochet across the walls, untethered by the judgmental eyes of my peers. Through the stairwells they float around wistfully, taking a rare moment to be free.

As I’m about to turn the corner from the stairwell, I hear something in the distance. It sounds like… sniffling?

My curiosity gets the better of me, and I tentatively peek around the corner to see…

_Natsuki? Is that you?_

She’s far away, but her silhouette is unmistakable; it is indeed Natsuki, standing in front of a cluster of vending machines. She’s not unlike Hans Christian Andersen’s _Little Match Girl._ But what is she still doing here?

She slumps down onto her knees, bringing a sleeve up to wipe her face, but abruptly stops. Based on her body language, she sees something she wants underneath the machine, and lowers herself carefully down to the floor, rummaging around with her arm fully stretched out.

_What might be under the vending machines? Probably just loose change. Wait…_

I feel like I’ve just realized something truly heartbreaking.

However, I don’t have long to muse on this revelation, as she looks over, noticing me. In shock, she tries to get up from the floor, but forgets her arm is still underneath the machine, and she ends up pulling herself forward, her forehead colliding with the hard glass face of the machine.

I immediately duck behind the corner and begin quickly walking towards the front doors of the school. It would probably be too much if I were to confront her right there; _I’ll wait for her outside. That way, she has some time to compose herself._

Pushing on the doors, I step out into the delicate evening sun. A warm gust of air dances around outside, pushing a few fluffy clouds across the sky. Whilst I wait for Natsuki, I decide to read a bit more; I lean against the wall, and crack open the book.

After a short while, the front doors swing open, and Natsuki flies through them, landing maladroitly on her face. Her sudden appearance startles me, but I manage to swallow my surprise down; I need to make sure she’s alright.

“H-Hey!”

I call out to her, watching with concern as she slowly turns towards me. Her face shifts from sad to stunned.

“A-Ah! Wh-Wh-What are you doing here?!” She says anxiously. Her tonal shift catches me off guard; I need to think carefully about what to say next.

“Um, I thought… uuuu…” I shuffle my feet across the ground, trying to prepare myself, “D-Did I see you earlier? I wanted to ask if you were okay…”

Natsuki quickly pulls herself up, and dusts herself off. “I-It’s not what it looks like! I just thought…”

She pauses, looking downwards.

“...never mind. Just, I need you to forget what you saw, alright?”

I let out a long sigh. I know she’s hiding something, but how can I bring it up tactfully?

“Um, I know it’s not my business or a-anything, but… you just looked a bit downcast… I-If it was because of my conduct earlier-“

“No, it’s okay!” She interrupts me, waving her hands, “If anyone needs to apologize, I should do it.”

She places her bag on the ground and reaches into it, pulling out a small package of processed cakes. Tearing the wrapper, she pulls one of them out and offers it forward to me.

“S-So, y’know… Sorry, I guess…” she mutters quietly.

I raise my hand out, but pause. _If what I saw earlier was what I thought it was, then-_

“Just take it, okay? I-I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand earlier!” She says, annoyed.

After a moment, I can’t help but smile, and accept the treat from her.

“Thank you for this olive branch. I know it takes courage to own up to your mistakes.”

I turn the cake around in my hand, inspecting it, before taking a small bite. It’s not the sort of food I normally eat, but it’s delightfully sweet. Natsuki, on the other hand, barely stops to examine it, taking an enthusiastic bite out of the cake.

I swallow, looking out towards the sunset. “I think having someone new in the club threw off our auras a bit.”

“You referring to the boy Sayori brought in?”

“Y-Yeah… what do you think of him?”

She coughs slightly. “To be honest? I’m not sure I like him that much. He doesn’t really think before he speaks.”

I giggle without meaning to, but manage to stop myself. “I think I understand what you’re alluding to. He and Sayori do get along though, don’t they?”

Natsuki nods in agreement. “I guess they do.”

She stops for a moment to finish her cake before allowing a playful smile to draw across her face. “So, were you really trying to impress him?”

“H-Huh? No! Well, not l-like that! I guess I just…”

Flustered, I start to fidget with a clip in my hair.

“I-I guess I just got a bit caught up in the moment… d-don’t be mad at me!”

“Don’t worry about it,” she laughs, “if anything, I should be the one worrying about that.”

She takes a deep breath, and looks up towards the sky. “Was there anyone else you were trying to impress though?” She says, winking.

“E-Eh?!” _What is she implying?!_

“Haha, relax, I’m just teasing you.” She playfully punches me in the arm.

Relieved, I sigh. I look ahead of me for a short while to gather my thoughts before turning back to her.

“S-So, are you sure you’re doing okay? I know I might come off as a bit…” I look down, “weird, but…”

“I-I’m here if you need to talk to someone, okay?”

She blushes, and waves dismissively. “G-Geez! I’m fine! I-It’s not like there’s something sinister going on or anything! But…” she smiles warmly at me, “Th-Thanks, I guess.”

She stretches, and scoops her bag up from the floor. “I should probably head home before it gets too late. I wouldn’t want my dad to worry about me, eheh…”

“O-Oh, of course,” I say. “I suppose I’ll see you at tomorrow’s club meeting then?”

Grinning, she sticks her thumb up. “For sure! I hope you’re ready to be floored by my next poem!”

“I’ll look forward to that,” I giggle.

She waves at me, then turns to head home.

I’m happy that I got to have this talk with Natsuki; it certainly puts my mind at ease about our conflict earlier. But I can’t shake the feeling that she’s not telling me something important…

I suppose there’s not much I can do about it. I’ve offered my support to her; she’ll take it if she wants it. In the meantime, I’m sure her father can help her with whatever she’s dealing with.

_I should probably think about heading home myself…_


	11. Pondering

As I walk home, my mind is brought back to my conversation with Natsuki. Even though I’d acted so callously, she was willing to own up to her mistakes and try to resolve things. I can’t help but wonder if there’s something lurking behind the tough front she puts up.

At least she has her father to talk to. It’s important for everyone to at least have *someone* they can confide in. Emery and Sayori seem to have each other, Natsuki has her father, Monika has…

Why can’t I think of anyone for Monika? She’s one of the most popular students at school, there must be _someone_ I’m forgetting?

I make a mental note to ask Monika about it. Assuming I find the courage to bring it up with her, of course. No one should be alone in this world.

“Except for me, I suppose…” I say quietly to myself.

I know I have Mango to keep me company, but having someone I could talk to would be wonderful. She’s a delight to have around the house, but she can only do so much for me.

I really hope that doesn’t sound selfish of me, but… It’s so difficult to raise yourself in such a harsh reality. What do you do when you don’t have anyone you can turn to in your times of need, of pain, of strife? Who do you go to when there isn’t anyone to cradle you when you graze your knee, to kiss it better and wipe your tears?

Is that what drew me towards the macabre? Whilst most people my age are content with prideful pins on their lapel, I cast myself into pitiful pages, swimming careful laps between the lines, finding comfort in coarse paragraphs and paper cuts.

I arrive home, and slot the keys into the door. Hanging from the chain is a delicate ribbon with a single cufflink studded into the end. Perhaps it’s childish of me, but I like to carry them with me wherever I go.

Winding up the spiral staircase, I open the door to my bedroom and lay by bag down. Stretching my arms up high, I reach up to a high shelf and pull down a long, slender case. Flicking open the latches, I gently open it up, and retrieve a gorgeous hand-crafted Violin. It’s expertly assembled from striking maple wood, with each string lovingly stretched across its slender neck.

When I was younger, my mother and I would play music together; her on the piano, myself on this violin. The two together blended into an overwhelming surge of emotion, raw feeling channeled into song, each dulcet keypress resonating harmoniously with my deliberate drawing of the bow.

Resting the violin underneath my chin, [I begin to play](https://youtu.be/pUZeSYsU0Uk). My strokes are precise yet melancholic, kept in rhythm with my breathing. As I continue, I can hear my mother’s piano echoing through my memory, accompanying me.

For a few beautiful moments, I’m able to forget about everything, allowing the music to carry me up in a weeping whirlwind. Crystal tears form in my eyes, falling precariously to the ground as I draw the bow against the Violin’s graceful frame.

Imaginary worlds collide with my soul, bouncing me through primal tempests. Each stroke cuts through the air with artisanal slashes, hacking away at frothing clouds of contempt, desperately trying in vain to hold onto this moment, to hear her calming voice one more time.

I begin to sob. My playing becomes more discordant and erratic, but I can’t bring myself to stop. My shaking fingers struggle to maintain the chords until I eventually can’t take any more. Dropping the violin on my bed, I feel my chest heaving under the intense pressure. _Why did I do this? I knew this was a bad idea, and I didn’t listen!_

I swiftly glide over to my cupboard and throw open the doors, snatching up a small cerulean box. Lifting off the lid, I reveal a nurturing knife, etched with comforting letters. Pulling back my sleeve, I press the blade into my naked arm, and start to let the pressure out from underneath.

My silent, choked lamentation sparkles in a downward spiral, mixing with my sanguine regret. As the blood flows out, my tears slide through, taking its place.

Another cut. Another. Another. Five, Six, Seven. Another. I am now my Violin, my knife my bow.

Each furtive line connects with another until I can finally bring myself to stop. I stare at my arm, watching it twitch in time with my beating heart. _Oh god, why do I do this to myself?! Why am I this dejected freak, only finding comfort in pain?!_

I carry myself to the kitchen, turning the tap and thrusting my arm underneath the bubbling stream. The watered-down copper twirls elegantly down the drain, eventually becomes clearer and clearer, until the cuts only bleed ever so slightly.

After bandaging my arm, I slump down into a sofa in the living room. My teeth are chattering with bitter regret. I raise my concealed arm, turning it over repeatedly.

_I’m sorry, mother… I did it again…_

_I think… I think I should just sit here for a while… a new poem can wait…_

I close my eyes, and try to take slow, deep breaths. _It’ll be okay… It will eventually have to be, right?_

 

…

 

After some time, I’m finally able to get myself to stand up, and I climb the spiraled staircase back up to my room. Pulling out my chair, I sit down at my desk, and lay out fresh paper.

 

_Maybe if I can write about this… habit of mine… I can stop myself next time?_

It’s an effective literary technique; by personifying one’s struggles into the tangible, they can feel a bit more precise rather than nebulous, making them that much easier to cope with. As humans, it’s in our nature to fear the unknown; if we can give something a name, we can start to fight it.

 

_But what would be suitable for this?_

I tap the desk with my pen in thought. Eventually, I come up with an ideal metaphor.

 

“ _It happened in the dead of night whilst I was slicing bread for a guilty snack… My attention was caught by the scuttering of a raccoon outside my window…”_

 

This feels like an apt comparison; raccoons are a more playful, curious cousin to the Tanuki of folklore; it can shift how others perceive it. Does the raccoon want to watch over you, innocence gleaming in its wide eyes? Or does it want to push you further, clutching your wrist and guiding it forward?

“ _The enticing beauty of my Cutting knife was the symptom. The bread, my hungry curiosity. The raccoon, an urge_.”

This started out as a visceral coping mechanism, but eventually, it became overbearing. I couldn’t rely on regular intervals to allow me to feed my raccoon friend; I needed to be prepared at any time.

“ _The raccoon becomes hungry more and more frequently, so my bread is always handy.”_

I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep this up before something truly terrible happens. I know this unhealthy, but I need it. No one else is there for me, so I need to take matters into my own hands, releasing the built-up pressure inside of me.

“ _I slice the bread. And I feed myself again.”_

I read over the poem a few times, then slide it into my notebook. I can’t help but feel a little pleased with myself about how this one turned out.

_I just hope everyone at the club will also enjoy it…_


	12. Chime

The next morning, I wake up several hours earlier than my alarm is set to ring, Rubbing my bleary eyes, I realize I’m… sitting at my desk? _How’d I get here?_

My notebook is open, with a seemingly random pattern of scribbles lazily scrawled across the pages. The door to my bedroom is also slightly open, despite having closed it before falling asleep.

Nothing seems to be out of the ordinary though; I close my notebook and settle down back under the covers of my bed.

_I’m a sleepy little teacake, all nestled down beneath the blankets…_

 

…

A couple of hours later, I feel something small flop down on the duvet. Tilting my head up, I see Mango has curled up into a dainty loaf of bread, kneading the covers like plush dough. She purrs contentedly, almost appearing to be smiling, I let out a gentle giggle, and rest my head back down on the pillow. I’m incredibly lucky to have her in my life; even though she can’t provide the level of interaction that another person might be able to, she tries her best to be there for me.

_I should still be able to sleep for a little bit more…_

 

…

“Brrrm?”

I’m woken up a final time by Mango patting at my face curiously. I reflexively scrunch up my face and trying to pull the covers over myself, but she’s persistent, dragging the covers away from me. I lazily sit myself up and reach out to her, scratching her chin. She affectionately rubs against my fingers.

“I wish I could stay with you all day, but I need to go for a little while, okay? I say in a high voice reserved only for her.

“Nyow!”

I stroke her again, and climb out of bed. _I suppose I should get ready for school…_

...

 

It’s the middle of the day, and time for lunch. I’m thankful my morning classes weren’t too taxing, but I’m still looking forward to the brief respite.

I walk briskly towards a tall tree at the edge of the campus and sit down, reclining against its proud trunk. Although I usually like to find a quiet place indoors to eat, the weather is simply too nice to ignore. If I stayed inside, I’d most likely find it becoming uncomfortably hot quite quickly.

I pull a small bento box out of my bag, and carefully lift the lid off. With swift precision, I quickly pick up a tempura prawn, and take a delicate bite. I don’t often make tempura, but it was one of my father’s favourite foods; despite how stern and serious he was usually, a familiar glimmer would appear in his eyes whenever he ate it.

As I look around, I can see that I’m not the only person who had the idea of eating outside. Various small groups of students are clustered together, happily talking about their personal interests with one another. As I notice more and more people around me, I become increasingly aware of my solitude. I take another bite of my tempura, chewing it slowly and methodically.

I’ve always eaten alone; I could never gather the courage to approach others, and my… less than mainstream interests turned people away from me. I was always an ominous cloud looming in the back of the room, misty eyes full of fog, cloaked in a dark, lachrymose aura. I didn’t mean to intimidate people, and I felt incredibly guilty of it; I still do, in fact.

I scan through each group, but I can’t seem to find anyone from the Literature club. I’m a little perplexed; I would have expected to see at least one of them out here. I can’t help but wonder what everyone does during this time every day.

I imagine Sayori either has her own group of friends she floats around with, or she tags around with Emery. The two seem fairly close, so it wouldn’t surprise me. She probably brings a lovingly-prepared _Kyaraben_ to school with her, either prepared by herself or a doting parent. Even with this hearty meal, I imagine she’d pester Emery to share his food with her until he begrudgingly obliged. The image makes me laugh.

Monika definitely has a group of friends she meets up with. She’s one of the most popular students in the school, is immensely beautiful, unimaginably talented… she probably never has to worry about feeling lonely. In fact, I imagine the bigger problem for her is finding time to herself; she most likely has to bat away advances from potential suitors on a daily basis. It’s hard not to envy her; her life is vibrant and full of amazing things.

As for Natsuki…

_Natsuki…_

I pause for a moment, then reach into my bag. I pull out a small clementine, and peel it open. I take a segment, and pop it into my mouth, savouring the soft, sweet flesh.

I don’t want to make assumptions about her. I don’t know exactly what she’s going through, but there must be a reason she tries to present so brashly. Does she feel similarly to me?

At least she has her father still with her. I don’t hear her talk about him much, but it must bring her at least a small amount of comfort to have someone close to her like that. Whenever she has a bad day, she can confide in him.

I remember our conversation yesterday. _Perhaps I should try and talk to her a little more during today’s meeting…_


	13. Mischief

After I finish eating, I collect my belongings and start to walk back towards the school. Even though our free period isn’t over yet, I’d like to avoid any trouble as much as possible.

Some people might naively think that since I’m considerably taller than my peers, I’d have some innate sense of confidence, as though towering over the other students would commandeer respect. This, however, is nowhere close to how it feels in practice. If anything, my stature is a hindrance; I’m automatically the centre of attention as I enter the room, my long, awkward stride carrying a kooky, shambling figure intimidatingly through each cold corridor. Sometimes, I want to evaporate, dissipating into floral vapour, free of care. But that, of course, is impossible.

_I do wish I weren’t so unlikeable…_

I arrive several minutes early to my next class. I’m a very patient person; I kind of had to be growing up. I glance upwards at a clock hung on the wall, and take a seat.

_Just a little longer now…_

…

 

The end of the school day has finally arrived. At last, I’m free to leave for the Literature club.

I’m the first to arrive this time, much to my relief. Sliding into a desk near the back of the room, I pull out my familiar book from my bag, and lay it open on my desk. I’m sure the others will be here soon; in the meantime, I can do a little bit of reading.

I don’t get too long to myself, however, as Sayori cheerfully bounces through the door and up to my desk.

“Hey, Yuri!” She wears a contagious smile on her face, leaning forward slightly.

I let out a surprised squeak in response to the sudden intrusion.

“P-Please don’t sneak up on me like that…”

 

Sayori lets out a quick, hearty laugh. “Sorry, eheh! I didn’t mean to scare you… although you probably don’t get scared by much, huh?”

 

I raise my eyebrow, looking up at her. “Eh? What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” she tilts her head to the side, “you like to read a lot of spooky stuff, right? I bet this here’s got all sorts of scary stuff!”

She points at my book, looking on curiously.

“O-Oh… I suppose so…”

“ _The Libitina Project…_ What’s it about?”

I breathe in, picking up the book and closing it. I glance over both sides of the cover before holding it up for her to see.

“Well, it’s a little bit difficult to talk about without spoiling things… but I guess the biggest overarching theme involves an unlikely group of survivors who escape the testing facilities of a ruthless cult. Through an unimaginable amount of hellish ordeals, they band together and attempt to build a resistance.”

Sayori gazes at me, listening intently. “Woah! That sounds intense!”

“I-I guess it is, isn’t it…?”

 

She giggles to herself, covering her mouth with her hand. “How did you get into all of this stuff anyway? Are your family also fans of it?”

_My family…_

Truth be told, my parents weren’t too interested in the occult. Whilst both of my parents were avid readers, my mother preferred titles such as McCarthy’s _The Company She Keeps_. My father, on the other hand, was drawn to the accounts of history’s finest philosophers; Descartes, Aristotle, William of Ockham, and other such spirited minds. But Sayori probably wouldn’t be interested in hearing all of that, especially since I don’t usually talk about my parents to others.

 

“N-Not really, no… but I still find myself drawn to it…”

“Well, that’s okay!” She beams at me, “We all have little things we like that others might find weird. Take Emery for example; one time, I found his-“

 

Before she can tell me what it was she had found, Natsuki walks through the door. Sayori is immediately distracted, waving enthusiastically at her. Natsuki pauses for a second, smiles, and begins to walk towards her. However, as if on cue, Emery shows up and calls out to Sayori, who bounds over to him.

Natsuki pouts for a moment before backing away, sitting in a desk off to the side of the classroom. I can’t help but wonder what she was hoping to talk to Sayori about.

“Hey! I was looking for you actually!” Sayori says to Emery.

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“Well, I was wondering if you’d like to come with me to buy a snack.”

 

Sayori touches the tips of her fingers together, looking at Emery with wide, pleading eyes. Nevertheless, Emery is unmoved, and simply shrugs.

 

“Nah, I’m good.”

Sayori takes a step back in shock. “What? That’s not like you a-at all!”

 

A coy smile plays across Emery’s face. “I have my reasons… Why don’t we take a look at your purse, Sayori?”

 

_O-Oh my… are you seriously propositioning… in the middle of the… in front of…_

Sayori shuffles her feet nervously along the floor. “W-Why that all of a sudden?”

 

“No reason, I just think we should have a look.”

_Oh. He actually wants to literally look at her purse. I shouldn’t be thinking those kinds of thoughts at school…_

Sayori closes her eyes and retrieves her purse. Flipping the latch, she tips it open, letting a small coin fall out uneventfully. She blushes slightly, and looks up at Emery.

 

“E-Ehehe…”

“Gotcha!” he shouts, folding his arms triumphantly. He really projects an air of hubris that’s almost tangible.

“You meanie! How did you know?”

He taps his forehead, grinning. “Elementary my dear: If you had enough money, you’d have already bought a snack. So either you’re not hungry, and wanted an excuse to take a walk, or you planned to conveniently forget that you spent all of your money so that I would lend you some!”

He takes a deliberate step forward, turning around on his heel.

“But the other thing is…” He pauses, closing his eyes, “you’re always hungry, which leaves just one option!”

He points at her victoriously. Sayori almost falls back, as if his logic had physically moved her.

“Kyah! Don’t make me feel guiltyyy!”

Sighing, Emery places his hands on his hips. “If you feel guilty, that means you deserve to feel guilty…”

It’s not often I see Sayori get flustered like this; it’s really quite amusing.

I can’t stop myself from letting out a gleeful laugh, which prompts everyone in the room to turn towards me.

 

A beat.

 

I suddenly realize that everyone’s eyes are on me.

_Oh gosh, now they’ll think I was listening in like some kind of weirdo!_

“Wait!” I gasp, desperately flicking through the pages of my book, “I-I wasn’t eavesdropping or anything! I just, umm…”

I hold up my book, and trace the lines up and down with my finger. “I read something funny just now!”

I force out an uneasy laugh. Sayori simply looks over at me with her shiny eyes. _It looks like they believed me…_

“Yuriiiii…” She pleads, “Can you tell Emery to lend me some money?”

 

_Wait, I don’t want to get embroiled in anyone’s conflicts again… what should I do?_


	14. Miracle

I place my book down on my desk and stand up, combing my hair out of my eyes. I feel a surge of confidence.

I turn over to Sayori. “Don’t get me involved like that! Consider this a lesson in saving your money only for things you can responsibly afford.”

_That might be enough, but should I go a little further? Just for good measure…_

 

“To be honest,” I continue, “after pulling a mischievous little stunt like that, your suffering is fair enough retribution.”

 

I hear Natsuki gasp from the other side of the room, and it immediately occurs to me how forceful I must have sounded.

_Nope, I shouldn’t have done that. I immediately regret this._

My face burns a bright crimson as I try to correct my mistake. “I=I didn’t mean that! I-It’s just, my book-“

I hold my hand up and point towards it, only realizing moments later that I’m no longer holding the book. _I must look like an absolute airhead…_

Feeling intensely embarrassed, I pull my hair over my face.

 

However, Sayori isn’t angry at me. In fact, she smiles back at me. “I like seeing this side of you, Yuri. I don’t see it often, but it’s fun!”  


I shyly pull my hair back slightly to reveal a single eye, peeking out at her. “Th-There’s no way you could mean that…” I say timidly.

Sayori takes no notice, and pulls her fist close to her chest. “But you’re right: I did something bad, and I now have to accept the revolution.”  


_Wait, that’s not right…_

“Don’t you mean Retribution?” I correct her, emerging from my dark sanctuary. “Still, coming from you, I guess there’s a little devil in all of us, isn’t there?”

 

I can’t help but smile to myself at the thought. Sayori is really quite rambunctious, so I suppose it’s natural for her to try something like this. It really goes to show that there’s more to everyone than we might initially think.

 

Emery, on the other hand, is unimpressed. “Don’t let her fool you, she knows _exactly_ what she’s doing,” he says, stretching his arm out in front of him. “After all, you guys knew I was joining this club before even I did…”

“B-But!” Sayori stutters, “You wouldn’t have come if it weren’t for the cupcakes, so I had to trick Natsuki into making them!”

 

_So that’s the reason why she went through the trouble of making those cupcakes? That’s quite tactical of her…_

Out of nowhere, a large cookie flies through the air, smacking Sayori in the side of her face. She lets out a startled yelp, but still manages to catch the cookie as it falls.

“Wha…” she stares down at it in disbelief, “it’s a miracle! Is it because I paid my restitution?”

“Retribution…” Emery says, unamused.

“Actually,” I smile warmly at Sayori, “that one almost worked.”

_Restitution in the literal sense of the word is a form of compensation or repayment, whereas Retribution is a punishment for a misdeed. So, in a way, one pays restitution as a result of their retribution._

_In this case, however, it would be fair to say the cookie is Sayori’s Just desserts._

_…okay, I know that one doesn’t really work, but I couldn’t resist the pun._

Natsuki laughs. “I _was_ just gonna give it to you, but then I heard you blabbing about my cupcakes. It was totally worth it to see your reaction!”

 

Sayori is overjoyed, clasping the cookie close to her heart in a loving embrace. She really is truly innocent.

“Geez, just eat it already…” Emery says impatiently. In response, Sayori tears off the wrapper, and takes a large, hungry bite from the cookie. Her pupils seem to dilate, absolutely thrilled by its assumedly saccharine flavour. Natsuki unwraps her own cookie, taking a comparatively smaller nibble.

“Mmm! It’sh sho good!” Sayori says excitedly. She continues to chew, but abruptly stops.

“Aah! I bid my tugu!”

“You’re going through a lot over just one cookie,” Natsuki grins, taking another delicate bite. _I have to give Natsuki credit; she’s incredibly thoughtful. I wonder if she’d planned this ahead of time, or just decided on the spur of the moment to share with Sayori… either way, it’s quite admirable._

 

Sayori gazes longingly at Natsuki’s cookie. “Oh, yours looks really good too… can I try it?”

 

Natsuki looks annoyed, holding her cookie slightly closer to herself as if to protect it. “Geez, beggars can’t be choosers!”

“But yours is chocolate…”

Natsuki pauses for a moment, but shakes her head, pulling her cookie even closer. “Yeah, why’d you think I gave you that one?”

 

Sayori shrinks down slightly, but quickly picks herself back up, hopping over to Natsuki. “Fine… but I’m still really happy you shared this one with me. Thank you so much!”

She flings her arms around Natsuki, hugging her from behind. Natsuki tries to shake her off, annoyed.

“Alright, alright, I get it already!” she says, raising her hand to push Sayori away. _She really is quite adorable when she’s flustered like that…_

At that moment, Sayori does the unthinkable

“…om.”

 She leans forward, and takes a bite from Natsuki’s cookie. Natsuki looks back and forth between her cookie and Sayori, as if to confirm what just happened.

“H-Hey!” She stammers, “What gives?”

Sayori simply giggles, skipping away. I look over to Emery, and we both laugh.

_Oh, Sayori…What a treat it would be to see the world through your eyes…_

Natsuki stands up, folding her arms. “Geez, you’re such a kid sometimes! Monika, can you tell Sayori-“

She cuts herself off, looking around the room.

“Wait… where’s Monika?”

 

I also glance around. It hadn’t even occurred to me, but it’s true; Monika isn’t here yet. _I wonder what could be keeping her?_


	15. Clandestine

It’s unusual for Monika to be late to a club meeting; she usually prides herself on her punctuality.

I place my hand on my chin, trying to think of various scenarios that might keep her from arriving on time. “Did she tell any of you that she might be late today?”

 

Sayori shakes her head in denial. “I hope she’s okay…” She says, fidgeting with the corners of her blazer. Natsuki notices, and places a hand on her shoulder in an attempt to reassure her.

“Of course she’s okay! She probably just had something to do today. She’s pretty popular after all…”

 

Sayori ponders for a moment before gasping excitedly. “Y-You don’t think she… she has a…!”

 

Based on her expression, I assume that Sayori is referring to the possibility that Monika has found a partner. I wear a smile and nod in agreement.

“It wouldn’t surprise me. After all, she’s probably more desirable than all of us combined.”

_That… sounded a lot more negative than I intended it to._

It wasn’t my intention to insult Natsuki or Sayori, but if you add myself to the equation, that inherently lowers our group attractiveness tenfold.

Sayori doesn’t protest, laughing wistfully. “Eheh, that’s true…”

Emery looks on blankly. I suppose he doesn’t really know how to react around self-deprecation. I probably shouldn’t have said what I did… I’ve probably made everyone feel awkward now…

 

Natsuki, however, stands as tall as her small stature will allow her to. “Excuse me?!” She exclaims, raising her fist defiantly.

 

Before she can be excused, the door opens, and Monika hurriedly dashes through.

 

“I’m so sorry everyone!” She starts to apologize, “I didn’t mean to be late; hopefully you guys weren’t too concerned…”

 

Sayori leaps towards Monika, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug. “Guys! Monika chose the club over her boyfriend after all!”

 

“W-What on earth are you talking about?” Monika asks, a look of total confusion spread across her face. _Is that suspiciously defensive, or am I just looking for things that aren’t there…?_

Emery immediately shifts the line of questioning, much to Monika’s relief. “Never mind that, where were you anyway?”

Monika lets out a relaxed sigh. “Well, I guess I lost track of time. My last class was a free period, so…”

 

“Hold it!” Natsuki interjects, pointing at Monika, “Wouldn’t you have heard the bell ring?”

 

“Well, I guess I didn’t hear it… I was practicing Piano…”

 

_Wait, Piano?_

Now I’m _very_ interested. If she plays piano, maybe I could accompany her with my violin. We might be able to recreate the times I spent with my mother, losing ourselves to the impactful striking of piano wire, blending together with the sombre trails left by violin strings.

 

“I didn’t know you played music as well, Monika.” I say, curious to hear more.

“Ah! Well, I kind of just started recently, you know…” she says bashfully. _So she’s still relatively new to it… maybe I can show her some chords sometime?_

_Although I don’t want to force her into being my replacement goldfish. That’s not what this should be about._

Sayori happily grabs Monika’s hand, bouncing around. “Woah! That’s so cool! You’ll have to play something for us sometime.””

 

Monika smiles, but she doesn’t look happy. It’s a pained expression, as if she’s trying to conceal some other feeling that she’d rather not show to company. She stares yearningly out of the window. “Perhaps once I’ve practiced a bit more…”

“So!” She says confidently, suddenly becoming a completely different person, “I didn’t miss anything super important, did I?”

Emery shrugs. “Just some mischief involving cookies, nothing major.”

“Is that so?” Monika smiles sweetly, “I guess that’s how the cookie crumbles, isn’t it?”

For a brief moment, no one says anything, simply glancing back and forth between Monika and Emery.

 

“Was… Was that a pun?” Natsuki asks in disbelief.

 

“Ahah! Well, puns are literature, are they not? They involve careful word structure and can challenge one’s way of thinking. And if you want to classify manga as literature, then why not puns as well?”  


Natsuki raises her hand to say something, but decides against it, simply nodding in agreement _._

_I suppose that means everything’s okay now… I’m sure no one will notice if I take my leave for now…_

Wordlessly I take cautious steps backwards until I reach my desk, and delicately sit down, pulling out my book. As I open it up, I can hear Sayori talking with Emery.

“Hey, Emery! Would you like to go get some art supplies with me from the unused classroom upstairs?”

I can’t help feeling a little bit envious. Not necessarily of either of them, but for the ease in which they can converse. Whilst I do have my moments, I wish someone would invite me along to something, even if it was as mundane as collecting art supplies.

_…Or maybe not. I’d probably worry too much about what I’d say, consequently not being able to enjoy myself._

_Why is social interaction so difficult?_

The two of them drift towards Monika to let her know where they’re going. She nods, allowing the two to leave. Sayori punches the air excitedly, all but dragging Emery out of the classroom with her.

With the two of them gone, Monika keeping to herself, and Natsuki searching through the cupboard for her manga, I imagine there’ll be some peace in the room for a short while. I’m perfectly content with this; without any distractions, I can allow myself to become totally absorbed in my book.

My eyes scan the pages intently, drinking in each individual word carefully, deciphering their full meaning before moving onwards. Even though I’ve read many of the books I own several times, they always manage to reel me back in with their expert command of language. Novels fill me with such warm feelings; it almost makes me forget how lonely I am.

Turning each page, hearing each gentle flutter is melodious. I absolutely understand how Henry Bemis must have felt; books are an immeasurable treasure. I’m just thankful that I don’t need glasses to read, lest I face the same cruel irony as him. Although I think glasses would-

**THUD!**

I’m abruptly jolted out of my thoughts by the sound of a large impact coming from the other side of the classroom.

_Goodness, what was that?!_


	16. Humanity

Startled by the sudden noise, I jump out of my chair, dropping my book down on the

desk.  Looking over, I see Natsuki sprawled across the floor, her various volumes of manga laying around her in disorder.

“My goodness! Are you okay?” I say, running over to her.

“What’s going on over here?” Monika says in a much calmer voice, taking long strides over to us.

Natsuki brushes herself off, and glares up at Monika. “See what happens when you move my manga? Are you trying to kill your club members?!”

Monika waves dismissively, laughing. “Haha, I’m sorry Natsuki! I didn’t think it’d matter too much!”

Smiling, she pivots away and leaves. Natsuki lets out a sharp breath before starting to gather up her volumes.

“Oh no!” She suddenly gasps, snatching up one of her books. She gazes over it with a sense of loss in her eyes, noticing a large, unsightly crease.

With increasing desperation, she tries to even the crease out, running her hand back and forth across the page, but no matter how hard she tries, the damage seems to be permanent.

Exasperated, she slams the book shut and hurls it away from her. As I sidestep the book, Natsuki turns away, supporting herself with her palms against the floor. Her breathing becomes short and rapid, and she starts shaking ever so slightly.

“Natsuki…?” I start to say, taking a step towards her, “Are you-“

“N-No!” She croaks back. Her eyes are glossy, tears timidly falling to the ground.

“Would you like some help? I think with some steam from the kettle…”

 

It’s an old trick my father showed me; applying steam to a creased page can make it loose and flexible, with can help smooth it out. I remember one particular instance where I was reading whilst walking home from school, and I walked right into a lamppost, dropping my book. I tearfully brought it home, and showed him what had happened. He pulled me into a close hug, and stroked my hair to calm me down, and then took my book for a short while. A few moments later, he presented the book to me, totally fixed. I was elated. I thought it might work for Natsuki’s book as well, and started to head over to plug it in.

 

However, Natsuki simply shook her head.

 

“N-No… I don’t even care that much…”

 

She looked up at me, sniffling. “I’m just… I’m just having a r-really bad day today…”

 

Seeing her like this… it reminded me so much of myself back then.

 

Without thinking, I kneel down and wrap my arms around her. I don’t really know what made me do it; perhaps I just couldn’t bear to see her so upset.

To my surprise, she reflexively leans into me, sobbing deeply into my shoulder. Attempting to comfort her, I gently place my hand behind her head, stroking her hair softly.

“Shh now… I-It’s okay…” I coo delicately. I’ve never seen Natsuki so vulnerable like this; I feel like I’m getting a true glimpse at who she actually is. I feel her tiny hands grip my blazer tightly as she continues to bawl.

“Is there anything you need to get off of your chest?” I say. _I wonder if something happened…?_

Natsuki shakes her head again. “N-No… just… Every day…”

Her grip tightens further against my blazer.

“Every day is just… so hard… I just want… to come to the club every day and…”

She eventually trails off, her tears preventing her from speaking coherently. I don’t try and make her continue, and just allow her to continue crying.

I let out a plaintive sigh, still stroking her hair with my thumb. “Your manga… it’s really important to you, isn’t it?”

 

I feel her nod against me.

 

“Would you, um… like a hand in getting everything all tidied up?”

She pulls back slightly, and rubs her eyes. “You’re really nice to me… even after I was so mean to you…”

I can’t help but smile in response. “Don’t worry about that. Let’s just get all of this cleaned up, okay?”

“O-Okay…”

 

I release her from my arms, and we set to work. Soon, we have collected each book and placed it in numerical order within its decorated box. Carefully, I lift the collection up, and set it down neatly on a shelf in the middle of the cupboard. It won’t be in the way here, and Natsuki won’t have to risk injuring herself if she wants to read it.

As I’m about to back away, I find myself hesitating, my hand hovering over the box set. I pause for a moment, then reach into the box, pulling out the first volume.

“I-I know you don’t think I’d appreciate this sort of thing, but… if it would cheer you up…”

I turn around to face her, and present her with the book. “Do you think you could tell me what makes this special for you?”

She looks up at me, shocked. Blushing, I pull back slightly. _Oh, I probably went too far! I didn’t want to make this weird…_

“I-I didn’t mean to push you or anything!” I stammer, “I just meant…”

Natsuki simply laughs, and slides down along the wall. Smiling, she pats the ground next to her, inviting me over. I slowly sit down, and she opens up the book.

“Okay,” She grins, “This is Minori, and these are her friends Alice and Hanako…”  


Her appearance has totally changed; her eyes sparkle with wonder as she meticulously points out each tiny detail, in addition to various pop-culture references and background panels. It’s really quite endearing to see her talk about it so passionately; I can see why she enjoys it so much.

“So,” I point at a character in one of the panels, “What are they doing here?”

“Ah, Minori has a special device she calls the E-Natr,” Natsuki explains confidently, “It can compare various recipes to determine the best ratios of ingredients.”

“My, that’s certainly very convenient.”

Natsuki smirks. “Yeah, well she doesn’t use it too often, only when she _really_ needs it, you know? Right now they’re trying to impress someone, so she’s using it to try and deduce the perfect recipe for macarons.”

She lifts her head up, still holding the manga open. “When I was growing up, I dreamt that I could be like Minori… she might be a bit of a klutz, but she cares about her friends, and they care about her. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted…”

“I see. Is that why you came to the literature club?”

“Kinda pathetic, isn’t it? I had hoped I could find my own group of Parfait Girls. There aren’t many people here, so I don’t have to worry about hiding my interests too much. It feels… safe here.”

“Safe? _What does she mean by that?_

“N-Not that I’m in danger or anything, so don’t think that!” She fumbles awkwardly with her words, “It’s just… i-it’s nice to have a quiet place every now and then, y’know?”

I nod understandingly. “I agree; I have a hard time reaching out to others, but here, things just seem to feel right.”

We sit in silence for a brief moment. I decide to break it by gesturing back towards the manga.

“Hey, um…”

I think it might cheer her up if I try to show a bit more interest in her manga. I want her to feel like she has something positive to look back on at the end of the day.

“Would it be okay if… if I maybe borrowed this?”

“Huh?” Natsuki looks at me as if I’ve sprouted a third eye. Sensing that I’ve made her uncomfortable, I try to salvage the situation the best way I can.

“I-I mean!” I stammer nervously, “Ummm… I want to understand it better… I’d like to compare it to some of my novels…”

“Is that so?” She folds her arms smugly.

“Y-Yes… I think it would help in future discussions of literature…”

Natsuki glances down at the book, and then holds it out to me. “Well, okay… just be careful with it, alright?”

“Of course… thank you…” I show her a genuine smile.

 

“Okay, Everyone!” Monika calls from the other side of the room, Emery and Sayori standing close to her, “It’s time to share poems!”

Giving Natsuki another smile, I drift back to my desk to retrieve my poem. _I hope she feels a bit better…_


	17. Expression

I carefully slot the book into my bag, and exchange it with my poem. Cautiously, I approach Monika, who is staring out of the window. Hearing me getting closer, she looks over her shoulder, and quickly turns around.

“Well, hey Yuri! Fancy seeing you make the first move!”

“A-Ah… Well, I just wanted to share this poem…”

Monika shakes her head, giggling. “No, I meant with Natsuki earlier. I’m impressed; I know it’s hard for you to talk to people, so going out of your way to try and make her feel good was awesome to see.”

She leans forward, smiling. “But, be honest with me; are you really going to read that manga, or were you just trying to appease her?”

“I…I’m going to give it a chance…”

She raises her eyebrow. “Oh? That’s not what I was expecting to hear from you…”

“W-Well, Natsuki showed me some of it earlier, and it was actually quite interesting. I would like to see the conclusion of the story so that I can compare it to the sort of things I usually read.”

Monika stops for a moment, spacing out. “Interesting… I didn’t think that would happen…”

 

“U-Um, did you say something?”

 

“Huh?” She snaps back to reality, laughing. “Oh, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about something. But yeah, you’ll have to tell me what you think of Natsuki’s manga when you’re reading it for yourself.”

She places a hand on her hip, smiling, “Well, enough of that. Mind if I take a look at what you’ve written for today?”

“O-Oh, of course…”

I hand her my poem. She seems to read through it very quickly, then looks up at me.

“Ooh, I like this one, Yuri! I get a sense that you’re referring to something hidden within you with this piece, is that fair to say?”

 

I’m a little surprised; she deduced the meaning of my poem within seconds. She must be clairvoyant…

 

“Y-Yes… we all have a little raccoon…”

 

“I know what you mean,” Monika says, “I have some guilty pleasures that I’d feel a bit nervous divulging, haha!”

 

 _She does…?_ I can’t help but wonder what she might be referring to.

“Well, thank you for sharing your poem with me, Yuri!” She beams, handing me back my page. She turns to leave, but without thinking I call out to her.

“H-Hold on! Aren’t you going to show me yours?”

She stops abruptly, and slowly turns around. “Eh? You actually want to see what I’ve written?”

“O-Of course… I-Is that okay?”

Monika gingerly hands me her poem, her eyes watching me intently, as if she wasn’t expecting me to show interest. It makes it a bit hard to concentrate, but I manage to read through the piece.

“W-Wow…” I say out loud without meaning to. The imagery in this piece is… it’s _astounding_. The metaphors are bizarre but just tangible enough to create a bizarre idea that ricochets through my mind.

 

“Monika, this… this is stupendous…”

Monika looks surprised. “Wait, you actually read it?”

“U-Umm, of course I did…” I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something she’s not telling me. “Are you feeling okay, Monika?”

She nods, waving her hand at me. “Oh, don’t worry about me; I’ve just got a lot on my mind. But I’m glad you enjoyed my poem; I figured you’d probably appreciate this kind of writing style most out of anyone here.”

 

“But If I’m being honest…” She sighs and meets my eyes, but then quickly looks away.

“…Actually, never mind. I’m just happy you liked it.”

I hand the poem back to her. “I-I’m sorry if I did something wrong… I j-just, I did like it…”

“Oh, it’s okay,” She laughs, “I just… I have some things I need to think about. Thank you again for sharing with me.”

She smiles one last time, and then walks over to the back of the classroom, humming to herself slightly. I would’ve expected her to be more confident in her writing; why would she think I wouldn’t read her piece?

_I hope she’s alright…_

As I turn around to find someone else to share with, Emery walks towards me and holds his paper out to me.

“Would you like to take a look at this?” He asks. I nod silently, and take the poem.

 

**Amazing**

  
_Bed,_  
Joy,  
Charm,  
Cheer,  
Clumsy,  
Empty,  
Shame,  
Sing,  
Smile,  
Promise,  
Misfortune,  
Memories.

 

Hmm... Emery’s style is certainly very… loose. But, strangely, I can find meaning in this piece. At first glance, one might not call this anything more than a random list of words, but if you pay attention to the order and overall tonal shift as it progresses, the poem comes together quite nicely.

“Your skills are already improving,” I say calmly.

“Thanks, Yuri!” He smiles, “Coming from you, that means a lot.”

“E-Eh? I’m just happy to help inspire my fellow writers…”

I look off to the side. “In the future, you could try to experiment a bit more with metaphors though… truly putting a piece of yourself into your writing can strengthen your piece that much more…”

‘Is that so?” He tilts his head, as if to show he’s listening.

“Yes… I have an example of that, if you’d like…”

 

I timidly hand over my poem to Emery. He takes his time reading through it, his eyes deliberately scanning back and forth across the page.

“I was a little more daring with this one compared to yesterday’s…”  
  
“It shows,” He says in agreement, “It’s certainly a lot more metaphorical…”

I can’t tell if he truly understands the subject of the poem, but in a way, that’s okay. I was purposefully vague with this piece; it would take someone with the most intimate knowledge of me to put the meaning together.

“It’s a bit closer to my preferred writing style… using the poem as a canvas to express vivid imagery, and conveying emotions through them.” I smile, a little more confident in myself.

Emery blinks for a moment before re-reading the poem. “Yeah, if I take this at face value, I can’t even figure out what it’s supposed to mean…”

“Well…” I start, twirling a strand of my hair around with my finger, “I think it’s something that different people can relate to in their own way. I wanted to express the way it feels for me to indulge in my more unusual hobbies…Like m-”

I cut myself off. I don’t want to reveal that side of me to him. After a few moments, I come up with something suitably open-ended to say.

“It’s those sorts of things I’m usually forced to keep to myself, so I sometimes enjoy writing about them…”

Emery cocks his head, a confused look on his face. “Why don’t you share them with others?”

 

I’m… I’m not quite sure how to respond to that. If I told him the truth…

 

No, I don’t even want to think about what might happen.

 

“B-Because it’s embarrassing… People would mock me if they knew…”

 

I look right into his eyes. “Don’t you have anything like that, Emery?”

 

He stops to think for a moment, resting his hand on his chin. It looks like he’s similarly unsure of what to say. _I probably shouldn’t have said that…_

“I guess I do,” He finally says.

I sigh in relief. “I think everyone has a little something like that, you know?” I pull my hand close to my chest and my close my eyes. “The best we can do is respect each other and our individualities…”

“After all,” I laugh, “If I hadn’t learn to embrace my own weirdness, I’d hate myself.”

 

I smile nervously, sensing that I’ve been talking too much. I’m about to apologize for rambling, but Emery interrupts me.

 

“You need to be a bit kinder to yourself, Yuri. Even if I haven’t been here too long, I think you worry too much about whether people will like you.”

 

“I-I, umm…”

 

I try to say something, but I can’t think of any words. Fortunately, Monika grabs our attention, saving me from further embarrassing myself.

“Okay, Everyone!” She says, standing at the front of the class, “I have a little something extra planned for today, so if you’d like to please join me up at the front…”

 

She waves her hands towards the front row of desks. I quietly slip into a desk near the edge of the classroom.

_What does Monika have planned for today? Something extra…?_


	18. Absolute

Monika clears her throat, and gestures to all of us. “As you all know, the school festival is next week, so-“

“The festival?” Natsuki interrupts, “Do we really need to do something for that? It’s not like we can get something good enough in time for it anyway…”

_The Festival…_

Every year during the summer, all of the clubs come together for what is referred to as the “Cultural Festival”. It’s an opportunity for each club to present themselves to the entire school; it can be an incredible opportunity to enlist new members, since people will already be at school. Consequently, there can be an immense amount of pressure to look presentable.

Naturally, I assume Monika wants us to put together an impressive display; we’re a small club, so she’ll most likely want us to accommodate for it by having a visually interesting room.

The thought of having to piece together something so extravagant on such short notice… in front of so many people…

 I feel my arm starting to twitch.

 

“I-I’m concerned about that too…” I say, “I don’t do well with last-minute preparations at all…”

 

This is true; the unknown is a frightful thing indeed, and although one might think I’d appreciate it being terrifying due to my penchant for horror, there’s something different about it that’s scary. Whilst horrific fiction can really rock your very core, at the end of the day, it’s just that: Fiction. When it comes to real life, the unknown is… well, I suppose it’s what I’d call an “adult fear”. It’s not something like monsters or ghosts or feverish cultists; it’s a culmination of what might actually happen to you. For this reason, I like to plan things with the utmost care. I wish I could say that I work well under pressure, but it’s simply not the case.

Monika notices my apprehension, and tries to give me a consoling smile. “Don’t worry, we’re going to keep things simple, okay? Sayori’s been working on some posters; I don’t think we’ll need too much more than that.”

“Meanwhile,” she says, picking up her bag and opening it, “I’ve designed some brochures that we can hand out to people during the event.”

 

_Th-The “event?” I can already tell this is going to be uncomfortable to hear…_

Natsuki furrows her brow. “I mean, that’s cool and all, but that doesn’t really tell us what we’re going to be doing.”  


“Oh, I’m sorry!” Monika clasps her hand over her mouth in surprise, “I thought you’d heard about it already…”

Monika smiles widely, and spreads her arms out to the side, as if expelling encouragement. “We’re going to be performing!”

 

_What?!_

“Each of us will choose a poem, and recite it to our guests! Sayori’s also been putting on our posters that audience participation will be welcomed, which could be wonderful for getting some new members for the club!”

 

Sayori holds up a flashy poster, beaming.

 

“P-P-Performing?” I stammer out nervously.

_I can’t do that… at the front of the room, hordes of judging eyes locked onto me, their preconceptions and superficial opinions coiling around my ankles, looming over me like furtive phantoms… I’ll be standing alone, at their total mercy. Stuttering, I’ll forget to start reading, then the muttering will start; ‘why isn’t she saying anything? What a freak…’ they’ll say. And then they’ll start to laugh, endlessly amused by my anguish._

I tightly grip my arm, wringing it with determination. My breathing is getting shallower as I begin picturing every possible scenario in which this ‘performance’ could go wrong.

“Are you kidding me, Monika?” Natsuki coughs in disbelief, “you haven’t… put these posters up yet, right?”

Monika sinks a little bit, disappointed with Natsuki’s evident discomfort. “Well, yes… do you really not like this idea?”

“Well, i-it’s not that I don’t like it, but…” Natsuki bites her lip, “I didn’t sign up for this, you know? I can’t perform in front of people like that!”

 

 _Bless you, Natsuki._ I’m elated that I’m not alone in my opinion.

“I agree!” I say with passion before catching myself, “I couldn’t ever… “ I shrink down into my chair, “do anything like that…”

In an attempt to calm myself down, I raise my hand to my forehead and massage my temples.

Sayori genuinely looks upset at how much we dislike the prospect of performing. “Wait a minute…” she starts to say, but Monika holds her hand up as if to silence her.

“No, It’s okay Sayori,” She sighs. “Remember, they’ve never shared their writing until a couple of days ago; it’s my fault for putting such high expectations on all of you. So for that, I am sorry.”

  
“But!” She says, suddenly smiling, “I still think we can do this! If we put on a good show, we can inspire others to follow suit! And the more people we have who perform,” she pauses, turning to face Natsuki, “the better chances we have of showing everyone what we stand for!”

“Yeah!” Sayori pumps her first in the air with enthusiasm, “Literature’s about expressing yourself, and learning more about who you are! It’s where you can get to know yourself on a deep, personal level… and also, it’s about having fun!”

“Thank you, Sayori!” Monika beams at her, then turns back towards Natsuki, “Surely you want to share that with others? Don’t you want to inspire them as well?”

 

Natsuki looks incredibly uncomfortable. She tries to make herself even smaller than she already is.

“I know you do,” Monika says. “I know we all do. And if all it takes is standing in front of a room for two minutes and reciting a poem, then I know you’re capable of that.”

I look over to Natsuki, and she meets my gaze. For the next few painful moments, with increasing desperation, the two of us exchange worried glances, trying to have a full conversation using only our eyes. Natsuki’s eyes dart towards Monika and then back to me, and she tilts her head slightly each time. Feeling my own eyes widening, I nod softly back to say that I understand her.

However, even though we both are in agreement, neither of us wants to take the fall for the both of us. We continue trading tense glances until Emery decides to voice his opinion.

“You know what, guys? I agree with Monika.”

_Et tu, Emery?_

“I don’t think it’s asking too much, you know? Monika and Sayori really seem to be trying their best to get new members for the club. The least we can do is help them out with that, right?”  


Natsuki looks back at me, a panicked expression on her face. As much as I want to help her, I simply can’t bring myself to say anything; Emery does make a valid argument.

I shake my head slightly, allowing my long hair to fall across my face. Feeling ashamed, I retreat into it.

“Okay, Fine!” Natsuki huffs, “I guess I’ll just have to get it over with…”

 

“Thanks, Natsuki” Monika says gratefully. “How about you, Yuri?”

My pulse quickens. I’m totally cornered here.

“I-I guess I really don’t have a choice…” I squeak, peeking through my hair.

“Yay, that’s everyone!” Sayori shouts happily, jumping up from her desk. “You’re the best, Yuri!”

I wish I could share her enthusiasm, but I’m honestly scared stiff.

“This club is seriously going to be the death of me…” I say quietly.

As if sensing the tension in the room, Monika lets out a small laugh. “Well, let’s move onto today’s main event; I want you all to pick one of your poems, and we can practice reciting them in front of each other, right now!”

_N-Now?! Don’t make me do this, Monika!_

“O-Objection!” Natsuki stands up, dramatically pointing forward. She looks very uncertain of herself. If I was more confident, I would go over to her and try to console her, but I’m similarly terrified.

“Th-This is too sudden, Monika!” I say with a quaking voice. I can feel myself starting to tremble with trepidation.

“If you can’t recite your poem in front of us,” Monika smiles, “how will you do it in front of strangers?”

_St-Strangers?! You’re expecting too much from me, Monika! I can’t do this sort of thing!_

I let out a petrified squeak, and dive back into the safe shroud of my hair. Monika chuckles to herself nervously.

“Eheh… well, how about I start off? It might make you all feel a bit more comfortable to have an example to follow, right?”

I try to take slow, deep breaths to calm myself down. _This is actually going to happen, isn’t it?_


	19. Foreboding

Monika calmly strolls up to a podium set up at the very front of the classroom, and places a small book down in the middle of it. Flipping it open, she hums to herself, picking a poem to read with utmost care. She eventually settles on a suitable piece, and clears her throat.

“Alright, this one is called:

**The way they fly**

_Every evening, I look out upwards,_

_Trying to see them, hoping_

_That they will one day be able to_

_Return my wanting gaze._

_Rattling lines of cold numbers_

_Whirl around like determined crows,_

_Hungry for answers,_

_Desperate for purpose._

_Crackling ice, ruptured roaring,_

_Glimmering thoughts, freely soaring,_

_Flashing viridian in my eyes,_

_Hoping to see the way they fly._

 

Her performance is fascinating; the piece is short, but her delivery is impactful and truly brings out the emotions carried behind her words. Monika’s poems usually have an abstract feeling to them, which can make it difficult to deduce their meaning. Despite this, there are usually common themes that repeat throughout the poem, which can help when it comes to interpreting them.

Once Monika finishes, she takes an elegant bow and steps to the side. Natsuki starts clapping, seemingly surprised at herself. Soon, we’re all joining her.

Monika is truly incredible… it’s difficult to not envy her charisma. Maybe if I push myself, I can be like her…

She turns over to Sayori expectantly. “Are you ready to go now?”

“I-I’ll go next!” I say, bolting out of my seat.

Before anyone can answer, I briskly walk towards the podium with my own notebook. I know which poem I’d like to read; it’s an almost ethereal piece that toes the lines between dreamlike and nightmarish, which can leave the reader shivering with anticipation.

“R-Right, um, this poem is called-“

I look up at everyone else. I shouldn’t have done that.

_Why did I do this?! I… I can’t do this…_

A cruel wave of vertigo washes over me, voiced by surreal taunting from the most self-effacing parts of my mind. My hands start to shake as I try to regain my bearings, my breathing becoming discordant and unsteady. My arm starts to ignite, slowly crackling like thin autumn leaves.

A tiny bead of sweat pushes through my forehead as my eyes frantically dart between everyone else in the room. Sayori looks slightly upset, as if trying to hide her disappointment. Monika is much harder to read, her piercing stare refracting through my soul. Emery steals a glance at the watch on his wrist, before folding his arms and looking back towards me. Lastly, Natsuki looks… determined? It’s difficult to put into words, but she looks as if she’s trying to telepathically transfer tenacity to me.

“You can do it, Yuri!” Sayori shouts encouragingly. As I look over to her again, she flashes a wide smile.

_All I have to do is get through this… I can do this… I can do this… I won’t let this beat me today… I can do this…_

“Y-Yes…” I say, closing my eyes, “This piece is titled:

**Afterimage of a Crimson Eye**

 

_Shifting shadows, lingering thoughts,_

_Pleas from silent eyes distraught,_

_Hollow, sharp breaths give way_

_To corrupted chaos and disarray,_

_Pounding heads, daunting dread,_

_Primal fear of nightmares fed,_

_Ever so quiet but ever so loud,_

_Echoing snarls, cruel and proud,_

_Sanguine drops dot the floors,_

_Like stepping stones for remorse,_

_Howling beacons burn their souls,_

_Feverishly trying to regain control,_

_Hazy memories mixed with madness,_

_Fractured cries, distorted sadness,_

_Cataclysm calls for final measures,_

_Seeking out bleeding treasures,_

_Kindness lost in murky mist,_

_Ticking trials from terrified lists,_

_Blazing pain, begging to die,_

_When they see the crimson eye._

 

My heartbeat rocks my chest as I try to clear my way through the first stanza. With each word, the intense pressure from their stares wavers, and I feel myself calming down. As I continue to recite the piece, it gets easier.

Before long, I am commandeering the atmosphere around me, each deliberate syllable whistling through the air, crafting shadows into my amphitheatre. Nothing can stop me now; I am in my element. In this moment, I am not shackled down by my insecurities: They are trapped by me. Soon, I find myself not needing to read from the page anymore, the words flowing freely from my heart.

As I finish reading my poem, I take a few cautious breaths, bringing myself back to reality. I slowly open my eyes to see everyone completely stunned, looks of total astonishment painted across their faces. After a few seconds, I finally connect the dots, and remember that I had been reading my poem out loud.

“…uuuuuuuuu…”

I try to speak, but I can only make a soft, pitiful cry. Emery picks up on this and stands up, leading everyone in a hearty applause. Whilst I anticipate that he was trying to help, it ends up having the opposite effect; now I’m even more conscious of how much I’m standing out.

Consumed by embarrassment, I hug my notebook closely to my chest and almost run to the back of the room. Placing the book down, I fold my arms, burying my head in them.

I don’t care how weird I must look; right now, I just can’t bear to feel their eyes locked onto me.


	20. Yearning

“Okay, it’s my turn then!” I hear Sayori say brightly, followed by her happy footsteps. I stay sheltered in my arms, as if trying to shield myself from the world.

“This one’s called, um…” she begins to say, but then suddenly starts giggling, “sorry, it’s kinda funny…”

I try to make myself pull my head up, but I physically can’t. There’s a brief moment of silence before Sayori continues.

“Hey, it’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be, okay?”

“Try not to think of it like you’re reciting to other people,” Monika says, “imagine you’re just reciting it to yourself.”  


That’s… actually rather sensible advice. I suppose it’s fairly similar to what I ended up doing when I presented.

“Okay then,” Sayori says, “This one’s called:

**My Meadow**

_Sometimes, I get distracted_

_By wandering rivers held up high,_

_Behind my eyes, like plays enacted,_

_Pebbles tumble like butterflies,_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around,_

_Can you see through my façade?  
Hopeful lies and careful smiles_

_Try to sweep up all the shards_

_Left by broken mosaic tiles,_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around,_

_If I don’t know what to do,_

_Will you wake me up tomorrow?_

_Tell me that this dream is true,_

_Won’t you save me from this sorrow?_

_Be my meadow, guide my hand,_

_Help me get back to the ground,_

_Let me feel the silky sand_

_That your approval brings around._

 

Sayori’s poem is breathtaking; as she reads, I find myself involuntarily sitting back up at my desk, watching her expression shift between happiness to genuine sorrow. The tone of her poem is poignant; it’s the sort of writing that fills one with an intense sense of nostalgia, yet simultaneously presenting them with a feeling of want for events yet to happen. The gentle, repeated stanzas compliment the overall tone of the poem, brought together by her deliberate delivery.

Once she finishes, she claps, a big grin across her face. “I did it, you guys!”  


As we all start to applaud, Emery smirks. “Good job, Sayori.”

“Eheh, look, even Emery enjoyed it!” Sayori waves over at Emery, still smiling. He seems less enthused, however.

“What are you talking about…?” he says bluntly.

“I think it went very well, Sayori!” Monika praises her, wrapping up her applause. “It really suits you!”

Sayori curtsies before returning to her seat. Emery and Natsuki are the only people left who still have to present.

“So,” Monika says, “who wants to go next? Natsuki?”

Natsuki seems to chew on her words before eventually protesting. “Don’t make me go before Emery,” she says, jabbing her thumb behind her in his general direction, “It’s not like I can compare to you guys so… at least let him lower the bar for you all…”

I can’t help but feel a bit sad hearing her discredit herself so easily. I don’t know if she intended to assist me, but her silent support was quite helpful. _Perhaps I can return the favour…_

Sayori opens her mouth to say something, but Emery waves his hand at her dismissively. “Its fine, don’t worry. I don’t really have too much to choose from, so I’ll just read what I brought for today. Is that alright?”

He swiftly makes his way to the podium, and starts reading:

**Amazing**

  
_Bed,_  
Joy,  
Charm,  
Cheer,  
Clumsy,  
Empty,  
Shame,  
Sing,  
Smile,  
Promise,  
Misfortune,  
Memories.

 

It’s a simple poem, and he’s quite lacking in the way of experience. His delivery isn’t incredibly emotive, but I don’t think that’s his fault; once he becomes more comfortable with his own writing style, I imagine he’ll flourish as a public speaker.

Once he finishes, he uneventfully walks back to his desk. Everyone turns to Natsuki, who rubs her shoulder awkwardly. “Alright, I’m doing it!”

She picks up her notebook and rises out of her desk, stumbling slightly. She catches herself, and reluctantly wanders over to the podium, dragging her feet across the ground unceremoniously. With an impatient sigh, she drops her book in front of her, and turns to the poem she wants to read. I’m a bit surprised; I knew that she didn’t want to do this, but her motives were unclear. Perhaps she feels similarly uncomfortable with public speaking. I watch her subtle movements carefully.

“This poem is called… um… it’s called…”

She looks up at us, quickly becoming flustered.

“W-Why are you all looking at me?!”

“Because you’re presenting…” Monika laughs teasingly, which doesn’t help.

Natsuki glances over at each of us nervously, and then back at her poem, trying to ground herself. Suddenly, she looks over at me, and our eyes meet. At this moment I realize just how intently I’d been watching her. I let out a small gasp, and try to give her an encouraging smile before turning away. I might not be able to provide the same level of support as Sayori, but I can try.

She takes a deep breath, then looks down at her page. “This poem is called…”

**Jump**

_Little robins like to hop_

_From bright branches with a dainty Plop!_

_Standing on the grey rooftop,_

_Will this make the fears stop?_

_As I untie my blank shoelace,_

_An empty smile across my face,_

_A blustery breeze tries to trace_

_All the sadness in this place,_

_Purple clouds like to form_

_In the absence of hugs that warm,_

_Please help me escape this storm,_

_Is this really my destined norm?_

_Fluffy tears float with care_

_Through the thick, amber air,_

_The sun meets my sightless stare,_

_And then I jump._

 

Despite the simple structure, I find myself enraptured by her performance. Her conviction warps reality, blurring the lines between the corporeal and ambiguous. The cutesy rhymes bounce rhythmically along, in a way that I’d not thought possible before.

As she finishes, I involuntarily stand up and start applauding. I didn’t meant to get up so enthusiastically but… something about her recitation was incredibly captivating. Natsuki sighs in apparent exhaustion before slumping back into her seat.

“There, now that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Monika says, almost condescendingly.

Natsuki scowls back. “That’s easy for you to say… you’d better not make me do it again…”

“Ah… well, do you at least feel comfortable with the idea of sharing it in front of other people?”  
  
“Oh, I mean, for random people it’ll be fine,” Natsuki ponders, looking up. “For other people, I can put whatever face I want on. But in front of my friends…”

She blushes slightly. “It’s just… embarrassing…”

“Huh,” Sayori wonders out loud, “I’d thought it would’ve been the other way round!”

“Well,” Monika says, walking over to the podium, “I’m just thankful we all pulled through. Just make sure you pick a poem and practice it enough for the festival, okay?”

We all nod in agreement.

 

“Excellent! Then I think we can end on a good note!” Monika smiles, pointing outwards. “Now, I know we’ve got the festival coming up, but still try and bring a new poem for tomorrow, okay?”

 

With the meeting dismissed, I start to collect my things. However, as I’m about to leave, Emery walks over to me.

“Hey, are you doing alright? You looked a bit uncomfortable after you performed…”

I jump slightly out of my chair, surprised at his sudden approach. “O-Oh! Um, yes, y-you’re okay, I mean!” I stumble on my words. _I wish I could just speak with people normally…_

He doesn’t seem to notice. “Well, for what it’s worth, I think you did a great job. It’s kind of funny, but the way you performed was a bit similar to Natsuki…”

 

I cock my head, my curiosity piqued. “Hm? How so?”

“The two of you initially didn’t want to read and had some trouble, but you eventually pulled through. You even brought similar poems to read today; your raccoon to Amy’s Spiders from Natsuki’s piece… Did you plan that?”

 

I look over at Natsuki, who’s packing her things away. “I-I’m afraid it was just a coincidence…”

 

He shrugs. “Eh, I just thought it was kind of interesting. But, anyway, you did good, okay?”

 

I nod. “Th-Thank you…”  


Sayori floats over to Emery, and gives him a welcoming smile. “Ready to walk home?”

 

Natsuki chuckles to herself. “Look at you two, always going home together!”

“It’s kind of adorable, isn’t it?” Monika comments.

 

Sayori laughs dismissively, allowing herself to blush slightly, but Emery seems oblivious to the implication. “Geez guys, you’re making this out to be a way bigger deal than it actually is…”

 

“It must be a little nice though…” I say plaintively. Whilst I do appreciate solitude, having some company from time to time would be wonderful. When one is alone with their own thoughts for too long, they can be quite grating.

“It’s okay Emery, you don’t have to say it,” Sayori beams, “let’s just head home.”

Sayori waves goodbye to the rest of us, then the two leave the classroom. _I suppose I should think about going home too…_


	21. Ambulate

As I walk home, I think about my performance earlier. Against all odds, I did it; I was able to read out loud to other people. _I was able to read to other people!_

I quickly look around to confirm that no-one’s around, and then jump in the air giddily. Although it was frightening, the fact that I’d managed to do it was immensely fulfilling. I’d managed to face one of my greatest fears head on, Even if I needed to take a tactical retreat afterwards, I think it’s the effort that counts.

Although… I’m going to have to do this again, in front of even more people. Not only will there be more people, but there’ll be unfamiliar people; there’ll be people I’ve never met nor even seen, not knowing what to think of me as my gaunt frame hovers over the podium, What will they think of me as I read? Will I even be able to read? What will happen if…

I shake my head. _No, I can’t allow myself to trail down a road of hypotheticals; that’s not healthy._

I decide that I want to go somewhere to decompress before I head home; thinking about the actual recitation for the festival has made me feel a bit jittery. There’s a lovely, peaceful park relatively close by, so I start to make my way over towards it.

The setting sun gilded the skyline, forming a comforting glow over the sparkling lake visible in the distance down below. An enormous tree stood proudly in the park, watching over the area with its warm, embracing branches. Off to the sides is a welcoming set of swings.

I used to come here often with my parents, when I was a small child. Holding my mother’s hand, we would walk through the blissful gardens, pointing out each flower. We would stop and smell each one, comparing the light feelings they invoked. Afterwards, once the other children had left, we would go towards the set of swings. Enthusiastically, I would climb up onto the swing, and my mother would push me. In those moments, I felt unstoppable; I felt as though nothing could make this happiness go away, fueled further by the wind rushing past my ears, up, down, up, down, back and forth, higher and higher.

After what never seemed like long enough, my father would meet up with the two of us, bringing anpan. Laughing, I would accept the treat, taking small but precise bites, savouring the delightfully sweet flavour.

_I miss those times._

Consumed by a sense of nostalgia, I walk up to the swings and sit in one of them. It feels much smaller than it did back then. I loosely grip the slack chains around the sides, and kick off the ground to propel myself. The chains rattle nonchalantly as I slowly drift back and forth on the swing.

It was… different. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to reclaim that feeling from before. After a few moments, I dig my heels into the ground, allowing the swing to come to an obedient stop.

_This is a bit silly, isn’t it?_

Sighing, I look out across the park. The days of flower petals and anpan are long gone. The glowing amber backdrop cloaks the area in a paradoxical aura, simultaneously sombre yet comforting; it almost feels as though I’m turning through a faded album, tilting each photograph delicately to pinpoint every little detail.

I don’t usually like talking about my family; perhaps it was a bad idea for me to come here today. But something just compelled me to drop by, I’m not sure what.

_I wonder what kinds of families the others have?_

I imagine Emery and Sayori must be close friends with each other’s families; it would only make sense, given how amicable the two are. Perhaps when they were younger, the two would have playdates, their mothers happily sipping tea at a neatly set table, watching their children have fun.

Natsuki doesn’t talk about her family often, but she has mentioned her father a few times. She’s not mentioned what he’s like, but I’m at least glad that Natsuki has some kind of family. I can only hope he’ll provide suitable comfort to her once she tells him about her difficult day today.

As for Monika… her family is probably polite and refined. The group of them are most likely highly respected members of their fields, and give Monika a high level of praise and support. She’s a very confident young adult; I imagine having such a tight-knit support system in her life has helped her flourish so magnificently.

My family life… it was pleasant. My parents were both knowledgeable doctors, and although the two of them were occupied often with such a demanding job, they somehow still managed to care for me.

It hasn’t been like that for a long time though. I like to think I’ve grown to be quite independent and capable; I keep the house clean and tidy, I can cook for myself, and I can provide the necessary attention to keep a pet. However, as cliché as it sounds, there is a part of me that feels like it was forced to mature much too quickly. Although I am generally cordial when the situation calls for it, I feel hopeless in most basic social situations. Perhaps it’s because I’ve just become so accustomed to doing things by myself that I don’t know how to react when others approach me.

Is that why I tried to comfort Natsuki earlier today? Did I genuinely want to help her, or was I using her to try and feel that sense of closeness?

All I know is that seeing her finally smile afterwards was incredibly rewarding. The passion she showed for her manga as she pointed out each detail to me… it was really quite endearing.

I reach into my bag and pull out the volume I had borrowed from Natsuki. _Perhaps I should go home and read this…_


	22. Saccharine

Once I arrive home, I gently sit down on a large, comfortable sofa in the living room and pull out _Parfait Girls_. I’d promised Natsuki I’d give it an honest attempt; even if it’s not my typical fare, I did enjoy what she showed me to the point where I became curious about how it ended.

As I read through the pages, I find myself morphing the pictures into words, narrating each panel in my head.

_Minori skipped over to Alice, presenting her with a decadently glazed crème brulee. Tapping the brittle top delicately, Alice spooned out the soft dessert, and brought it to her mouth. Winking, she swallows the custard, stars in her eyes._

_“Mmm!” Alice shouts delightedly, looking back over to Minori, “This is so good!”_

_Minori smiles, and sparkles surround her. “I knew you’d like it!”_

_In the next panel, Minori tilts her head to the side, a slightly pained expression on her face. “I’m sorry for the things I said earlier.”_

_Alice simply laughs, taking another spoonful of custard. “Don’t worry about that! We all get angry sometimes, you know? All that matters is that we can forgive ourselves and move forward.”_

“Forgive ourselves…” I mumble out loud to myself.

 

I continue to read the volume all the way through to the end. I must admit, I found myself enjoying it, despite how I initially thought about manga. I’m happy that I gave it a chance, but also proud of myself for trying something new. Whilst it does have somewhat hackneyed themes of everything being solved by the power of friendship, it was somewhat comforting to see the two friends reconcile after the fight they’d had earlier.

 

I can understand why Minori is Natsuki’s favourite character; she genuinely cares about her friends, and feels bad if things don’t go right. She’s somewhat awkward, but she tries her best to please those around her, even if it’s at her own expense.

Closing the book, I slip it back into my bag. _Now would probably be a good time to work on tomorrow’s poem…_

 

…

 

I uncap my pen, and start to write. Today has certainly been eventful; I feel like I have a lot to write about.

 

**Forlorn**

_Pastelle palettes shiver and shake,_

_Underneath my gossamer words,_

_Out of reach, my shoulders ache,_

_You float away, my pleas unheard,_

_Lost in this silent, charcoaled mist,_

_I try to touch your silky hair,_

_Glowing embers of passionate trysts_

_Whirling around in amethyst air,_

_Verdant, quadrilateral clovers_

_Navigate my rusty veins,_

_Help me last until it’s over,_

_Take control, grab the reigns,_

_I hope one day to see you again,_

_And hear your soothing, silent tune,_

_I’ll patiently wait for the moment when_

_I’m sheltered under your gentle moon._

“Hmm…” I say to myself, lifting the page up, “I’m not quite sure about this one…”

Whilst I personally think it’s a good poem, I doubt it would be suitable to share with the literature club. I fold it up and place it in my notebook to keep it safe, and draw out a fresh sheet of paper. I haphazardly tap at the desk with my pen, trying to come up with a captivating theme.

Suddenly, I remember what Emery had told me earlier as the club was winding down; he remarked that Natsuki and I had written about very similar subjects. _I wonder…_

Pulling out my phone, I draft a quick message. Whilst I haven’t really texted her before, Monika had everyone share phone numbers when we started meeting in the event that someone got lost. I suppose we never felt the need to delete each other’s contact information afterwards.

[ _“Hello, do you have a moment?”_ ]

I send the message, and wait patiently for her response. It arrives after a minute or so.

 [ _“Sure, what’s up?”_ ]

  
[ _“Forgive me if this is inappropriate, but I have an idea for what could be an exceptional writing prompt. Have you written a poem for tomorrow yet?”_ ]

There is a slight pause here before Natsuki responds.  
  
[ _“What were you thinking?”_ ]

[ _“Emery told me about your poem today. To tell you the truth, I coincidentally wrote about the same kind of thing.”_ ]

[ _“He’d better not have made it sound weird!”_ ]

[ _“No, No, I was just thinking... Why don’t we try and write about the same thing again? But on purpose this time?”_ ]

 [ _“You’re on! What did you have in mind?”_ ]

I was about to suggest a prompt, but I thought it would be encouraging for Natsuki to choose the topic. It would also challenge me to potentially step out of my comfort zone when it comes to writing.

  
[ _“Well, I was actually wondering if you could choose the theme, is that okay?”_ ]

 

Natsuki stops for a moment to think.

  
  
[ _“The beach! I want to write about the beach!”_ ]

 [ _“The beach? Why? Isn’t that a bit simplistic?”_ ]

[ _“Hey, you asked me! Is there a problem?”_ ]

I consider asking her to pick a different prompt, but decide against it. I don’t want to start another fight for no reason.

[ _“I suppose not. I’ll write about the beach as well then. See you tomorrow_! _”_ ]

[ _“Yeah! Be prepared to read the best poem ever!”_ ]

 

I put my phone down, smiling to myself. She sounds enthused.

_Now, what can I make of the beach?_

“ _A marvel millions of years in the making…”_

I think it would be impactful if I tried to write in a reverse pyramid sense; starting incredibly broad, and narrowing the perspective down further and further as the poem continues. The first stanza can refer to the world, the second to those I hold close, and then to myself.

“ _Either way, the outcome is the same. Yet we still build sand castles…”_

I’m pleased with this metaphor. By not only personifying the sand castles, but projecting their thoughts and feelings as conduits for the reader to live through vicariously, they are brought into the canvas I try to paint with my words. Sand castles are so orderly, so compact and uniform, yet can be dissolved without a care; this is similar to our perceptions of oneself, in addition to those around us. The way we think can be altered by what might appear on the outside to be something small, but to each individual, it can mean the world.

“ _I stand where the foam wraps around my ankles, where my toes squish into the sand. The salty air is therapeutic. The breeze is gentle, yet powerful…”_  
  


With this last stanza, I try to set the scene in more concrete terms. These are all tangible sensations that one can think of, no matter who reads it; anyone can imagine how the bare sand feels as they walk through it, or how the seaside air smells. Focusing on the senses can make one’s poem that much more impactful.

“ _I sink my toes into the ultimate boundary line, tempted by the foamy tendrils. Turn back, and I abandon my peace to erode at the shore. Drift forward, and I return to the Earth forevermore.”_

Done well, repetition can further enforce the message behind one’s piece. By calling back to the familiar feelings of sand between one’s toes, and blending it with the nebulous feelings of the first stanza, the reader is left with a sentiment that rocks their very core.

I cap my pen, and read over the poem. I’m pleased with this piece; I actually find myself excited to share it tomorrow.

_I just hope Natsuki is as enthusiastic…_


	23. Dulcet

School has been relatively calm today. Due to the upcoming festival, workload has been restricted mostly to review, making lessons slip by quickly and easily. Before I know it, free period has rolled around.

_Perhaps I can go back to that tree from the other day to read some more…_

Book in hand, I walk through the front doors of the school, making my way to the tree. However, as I get closer, I stop in my tracks.

 

_Urk. It’s them._

The bullies from earlier in the week stand reclined against the tree, their arms folded. I can’t make out what they’re talking to each other about, but whatever it is, they’re having a good time.

 

_I really don’t want to get in their way…_

Backing away slowly, I return to the building, and climb the staircase all the way up to the roof. I open the door, and step out into the plain rooftop. It’s quite a contrast to how it appears in the mornings; prior to morning classes, this place is filled with students due to its proximity to the classrooms, whilst still being outside.

 

I sit on a bench close to the door, and open up my book. It’s pleasant up here; due to being so high up, there’s a soothing breeze spiritedly drifting across the rooftop, tickling my hair ever so gently. I’m smile to myself, turning the pages. _I’m lucky no one else is up here today. Perhaps I should come here more often…_

 

As if on cue, I hear someone struggling with the door handle. Panicked and not knowing who it could be, I duck around the corner, keeping my back close to the wall. After a brief moment, the door swings open, and I hear slow, deliberate footsteps come through.

_No, why are you here? How inconvenient… I wish they would just go away…_

Cautiously, I peek around the corner and see that it’s not just anyone up here; Sayori is resting her elbows along the railing, looking out in front of her. She blinks slowly, her face disconcertingly straight. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sayori with an expression that didn’t convey happiness except as part of a joke, so to see her wear such a serious look sends shivers along my spine, like rolling cogs.

She sighs, taking careful breaths, and rests her chin in her left hand. With her finger, she pokes listlessly at a tuft of hair. I can’t help but feel curious about what might have happened to cause her to look like this.

I reach my hand out but quickly yank it back, slamming myself against the wall. _Should I say something? Perhaps I’d be doing more harm if I interrupted her… I know some people just need some time alone with their thoughts when they’re having a bad day, but it must be serious for Sayori to look so glum. Perhaps she could use a friend to talk to… but does she consider me her friend? I mean, she did help me with those girls who took my book on Monday, but was that out of friendship? Maybe I should find Emery, but what if that just annoyed him?_

It seems that no matter what option I pick, I’m going to feel uncomfortable; if I were to get her attention, I might upset her further as I’m taking away a safe place for her to think to herself. But if I _don’t_ do anything, I’ll be wracked with the guilt of leaving her upset.

_What would Monika do in this situation?_

Monika is a natural leader; I should try and think like her. I imagine that she would calmly and tactfully approach Sayori, and reassuringly place her hand on her shoulder. Sayori would initially be surprised, but would be grateful to see a familiar face. Monika would then most likely reassure Sayori that it’s okay if she doesn’t want to share what ails her, but that if she does, then she’d be free to without judgment.

_Alright, it’s decided; I’ll try my best to help Sayori._

Taking a deep breath, I confidently extend my arm out in front of me. Standing tall, I prepare to call out to her.

“…aaaaaaa…” I gently squeak, before retreating behind the corner again and hiding my face in my hands. _I can’t believe I did that… I immediately regret this decision…_

_This is so embarrassing. I hope she didn’t hear me._

Evidently, however, she did. Sayori’s head perks up, and she looks over with her eyebrow raised. It takes her a minute to register that it’s me, but she quickly grins and runs over to me.

“Yuri?” She asks playfully, “What are you doing up on the roof?”

“I-I, um, I was just… reading a little…”

 

I turn my head up to face her. Despite the warm smile painted across her face, there’s something unsettling about her eyes, as though they’re made of cold mercury. There’s a pitiful glimmer behind her irises that I’d never noticed before.

 

“W-Why did you come up here, Sayori?”

 

Sayori looks out over the paint-chipped railing solemnly, then turns back to me.

 

“I’ll be okay; I just feel a little bit funny, you know?”

 

“I see…” I say. “I just, um… are you alright, Sayori?”

 

She laughs. “Of course I am, silly!” She grins, pointing both of her fingers towards her mouth as if to emphasize the smile. “But thank you for checking in on me; you’re a sweetheart, Yuri!”

 

Before I can react, she runs over to me and wraps me into a tight hug, shutting my arms by my sides. The suddenness of the embrace winds me, forcing me to stop to take a breath once she releases me.

“I’ll see you later at the club meeting, okay?”

She waves to me, and skips back over to the doorway. Humming to herself, she bounds down the stairwell and out of sight.

I’m not entirely sure how to feel about this brief moment; her entire disposition changed in a matter of seconds. I think she’s hiding something…

Of course, I’m not really one to judge there. After all, I’m hiding a lot of things. I should probably respect her privacy. I’d want her to do the same for me.

Just then, I hear the bell ring, signaling that classes are about to start up again. _I really do hope that she’ll be okay…_


	24. Reciprocal

_Finally, classes are over…_

Time seemed to slow down immensely once I returned from the rooftop. I couldn’t help but worry about Sayori; her world is usually filled with somersaults and sunshine, so to see her so sincerely solemn is unsettling, to say the least.

I start to make my way to the clubroom. As I’m passing by a hallway, I hear a loud **_SMACK!_** Coming from the other side. I don’t stop to investigate; if anything, it makes me walk faster towards the literature club.

I slide open the door, and look around the room. Sayori is the only other person to arrive so far, sitting in the corner and bouncing an eraser across her desk languidly. Her eyes look completely empty, as though any traces of light had been stolen away.

“H-Hey, Sayori…?” I mumble timorously. She doesn’t respond, simply letting out a melancholic sigh.

“O-Okay, sorry then…” I bow apologetically, then slowly back away to the opposite corner. Lifting my book up onto the desk, I try to distract myself with some light reading, but I can’t stop myself from peeking over the top of the cover at Sayori.

 

Several minutes pass. Sayori seems to be stuck in a trance, oblivious to the world around her. She barely even notices the door opening, revealing Natsuki and Emery-

_Oh my goodness!_

The two of them look like they’ve been in a terrible fight. Natsuki’s clothes are scuffed, and thick bruises line her neck. Emery stands slightly off-centre, a dark ring starting to form around his eye. Before I can ask either of them about it, Monika walks in behind them.

“Oh geez, I’m the last aga-“ Monika starts to say, before jumping back at the sight of Emery and Natsuki. “Good heavens, what on earth happened with you two?!”

This finally causes Sayori to react, lifting her head up and looking over. Her sombre eyes widen at the sight of Emery.

“I’m fine,” Emery says, “We just, uh, ran into something that held us up a little bit. But it’s really nothing to worry about.”

“Uh-huh…” Monika says, tilting her head forward with a raised eyebrow. _There’s no way she believes that._

“Well, I think perhaps after we’re done with formalities, you should look for something to put on your face…”

Sayori quickly looks away, and resumes playing with the eraser on her desk.

“Now then!” Monika addresses all of us, pointing upwards. “As you’re all aware, the festival is next week. I’d like you all to think about something you could contribute towards our display, and we can discuss our ideas at the end of the meeting. Is that fair?”

We all nod in acknowledgment.

“Wonderful. Now, Emery,” She turns to him, looking genuinely worried, “go get some ice for your face.”

Emery goes to leave the room, but stops in the doorway, looking back at Sayori. He looks for a moment as though he’s going to say something, but ultimately decides against it, simply leaving the room. Monika walks to the back of the classroom, and flops down into the teacher’s chair. She carefully starts retying the large white ribbon in her hair, her eyes closed in concentration.

I don’t think there’s much else I can do at the moment; I don’t want to disturb Monika, Emery’s out of the room, and Natsuki’s trying to talk to Sayori, so I turn back to my book. _Thinking back to earlier, was that loud noise I heard connected to whatever transpired between Emery and Natsuki?_

I manage to get through a couple of chapters in my novel before I’m interrupted.

“Are you ready to see the best poem ever?”

I gasp, jumping in my seat, but quickly calm down once I notice it’s just Natsuki.

“O-Oh, it’s just you…Sorry, I just, um…”

I look over at Sayori, who’s now joined by Emery. He’s kneeling next to her, with one arm resting on the desk.

“Things feel a bit strange today… is that fair to say?”

Natsuki nods.

After a few seconds, I snap back to reality. “A-Anyway!” I turn back to Natsuki, “You did write a poem about the beach after all?”

 

She raises a page in her hand. _Right, she came over to me…_

I put my book away, and retrieve my own poem, handing it over to her.

 

“I hope you like it… I… I spent a while on it…”

 

She murmurs in acknowledgement, and hands me her poem.

_Goodness… This is…_

I’m legitimately impressed by this piece. Her writing style is still relatively simple, but I find myself in awe at how effectively it conveys its message. The fact that she wrote about becoming the beach herself to provide someone support is also a wonderful interpretation. I can feel myself yearning to be in the company of this person, to hear them tell me that they’ll be my beach. _I just hope Natsuki is similarly pleased with my poem…_

“S-So…” I mumble, catching her attention, “What do you think? It’s not too cliché, is it?”

Natsuki’s eyes trace the words across the page. “Yuri… this… I don’t even know the words to say how cool this is. I bet you do though, you know loads of big words.”

I laugh quietly. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. I’ll admit, I was initially skeptical, but after some careful thought, this prompt turned out to be quite exhilarating.”

“Yours is also quite nice,” I say, raising her poem up. “I particularly enjoy how your piece seems to take on the embodiment of what the beach could mean to someone, whereas I decided to try and place my reader in a new locale.”

“I told you you’d be impressed!” She smiles smugly, crossing her arms. She looks incredibly pleased with herself.

I look back at her poem, reading through it again. It’s evident that she put a lot of care into this piece; I find myself comforted by its gentle rhythms, careful rhymes, and soothing patterns. I wouldn’t mind reading this again; perhaps when I find myself in a dark place, I could take it out and look over it.

“Would you…” I gulp, sliding a clip through my hair, “would you mind i-if I kept this?”

Natsuki looks to the side in thought. “Uh, I g-guess not. I don’t think the others would mind… but i-if that’s the case,” She says, raising my poem, “then I guess I’ll have to keep yours in exchange, right? I can’t just give you mine for free!”

I smile to myself. She must be trying to say in a roundabout way that she’d like mine as well.

“I suppose so. I-I guess if we ever do this again, we…”

I stop to take a deep breath.

“We’ll have an example of each other’s writing to compare…”

Natsuki grins, slotting my poem in-between the pages of her notebook. Meanwhile, Monika walks up to the front of the room and clears her throat.

“Okay, everyone! Bit of a change of plans today!”  
  
_Change of plans? What’s going on…?_

“Sayori’s not feeling so good, so she’s gone home early.”

I look around, and it’s true; Sayori is no longer in the room. I didn’t even notice her leaving; I must have been so focused on sharing poems with Natsuki. Emery is still here however, holding a bottle of something close to his face.

“I think under the circumstances,” Monika continues, “it’d be best for us to simply think about what we’re going to do to prepare for the festival. Did you all manage to come up with something?”

“I know Sayori was working on some posters,” Emery states, raising his hand, “I thought that I could maybe go over and help her with that.”

Monika looks confused. “Is there not something else you’d like to do, maybe with someone else? I’m sure she’s just had a bit of a bad day today.”

Emery shakes his head. “I dunno… this feels different. I’d really feel much more at ease if I could spend some time with her. Maybe she’ll be more comfortable opening up to me outside of school.”

He looks back at Monika, tenacity flaring behind his eyes. He’s not going to back down.

Monika shrugs, apparently unable, or unwilling, to argue. “I suppose that’s a fair point… what about you, Natsuki?”

Natsuki blinks in surprise. “Uh, I guess I’m pretty good at making cupcakes…”

“That sounds like a terrific idea!” Monika beams. “So, Natsuki can make cupcakes for any guests we might have, and… Yuri?” She turns to me.

I freeze up. I hadn’t thought of anything, and it looks like there’s not much else I could do…

“uuuu… everything’s already accounted for, isn’t it?” I mumble softly.

“What about setting the atmosphere?” Emery suggests, “you could make a banner for us, and maybe bring in some of your incense stuff too. Sayori told me you liked that sort of thing, and I think it’d help tie the room together.”

“I-I guess that’s a good idea…” I say. It really is; I wish I’d been able to think of it myself.

Monika takes a slight bow. “Then I think we can end on that note! See you all at the festival!”

She waves to us, and quickly leaves the room. Emery also leaves, allowing the door to shut on its own.

“Well,” Natsuki starts to say, taking a step towards the door, “I guess I’ll see-“

“W-Wait!”

I interrupt her, holding my hand outwards in front of me. I might be prying, but I can’t ignore what might’ve happened to her earlier. _Forgive me if this is selfish, I just need to know if you’re okay…_

“I didn’t mention it earlier because…” I look around to confirm that we are indeed alone, “because everyone else was here, but… you have bruises on your neck…”

Natsuki’s eyes widen in panic, but she quickly tries to laugh it off, clasping her hand over her neck. “What? No I don’t!”

I look her straight in the eyes. “Natsuki… what actually happened earlier? And I know you didn’t fall over, or ‘have an accident’, or anything like that.”

She gulps nervously, tugging at her collar. “W-Well, I, uh…”

As uncomfortable as this must be for her, I have to know. Heavens, this is uncomfortable for _me_ , but if I want to help her, I need to know the truth.

_It’ll be okay, Natsuki… You can tell me, I won’t pass judgment…_


	25. Comfort

I stand in front of Natsuki, staring right into her spirit. I can’t back down here.

She fidgets awkwardly for a moment before hanging her head down low.

“Okay, so…” She starts, “as I was leaving my last class today… this guy, he… he grabs me by the shoulder, right?”

She mimes the action, her hand thrusting out forward and clasping around the invisible body in front of her. I nod.

“He’d taken something from me, something really important to me, and he wanted, um, h-he wanted…”

She coughs, shuffling around uncomfortably.

“H-He was going to… t-take advantage of me…”

“My goodness!” I gasp, appalled, “That’s dreadful!”

_I was not expecting to hear that. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Natsuki…_

“A-And that’s when he…” she stops to point at the bruises around her neck, “and when Emery…”

“I see…” I rest my hand on my chin contemplatively. “Have you told anyone besides me what happened? Do you think your father could help?”

Natsuki tenses up at the question, and starts to shiver. She clenches her hands into tight fists, and her eyes seem to shatter like glass. For a minute, she simply stands there shaking, seemingly unable to speak.

Suddenly, she leaps towards me, wrapping her arms around my body tightly. It was as though she’d been carrying this burden with her for several lifetimes, only just now being able to release it. Visceral, heaving sobs escape her as she buries her face into my blazer.

The shift catches me off guard, but I instinctively wrap my arms around her.

“Wh-Wh-Why me?! What d-did I do-hoo-hooo?!”

 

Natsuki shows no signs of slowing down, her muffled cries wringing my heart. _Just how much has she had to endure?_

 

“H-H-He tried t-to… tooooooooooooo!” she wails. Sighing, I tighten my embrace around her, gently stroking her back with my hand.

 

“Let it all out now… it’s over now…”

 

“M-My p-p-papa… he’s not… h-he’s not a good person!”

 

I pull back from Natsuki to look her in the eyes. “What does he do?” I ask softly.

 

Natsuki messily wipes her face on her sleeve, leaving a wet streak of tears across her blazer. Sniffling, she removes it, and starts unbuttoning her right sleeve. Underneath are several dark bruises.

I can’t stop myself from recoiling at the site of it. My entire perception of Natsuki is being deconstructed right in front of me; all of this time, it had never occurred to me that she was being abused by her father. I immediately started feeling incredibly guilty for suggesting he might be able to help her earlier.

“I-It’s my f-fault…” she sniffles, pulling her arm behind her back. “I’m a d-disapp-p-pointment, a-and he’s just trying to discipline me…”

 

I pause for a moment, and then pull her in for another hug. She returns it, and resumes crying almost instantly.

“You poor thing… you’ve been through so much… I-I never realized…”

Natsuki doesn’t seem to hear me; she’s starting to hyperventilate, and her legs are getting shaky. As she starts to lose her balance, I guide her over to the wall of the classroom, and sit down with her. She starts to sway slightly before settling down in my lap. The only thing I can think of doing is to stroke her hair gently in an attempt to comfort her.

Gradually, her breathing begins to slow down, and she falls asleep.

 

Closing my eyes, I rest my head against the wall. The room is completely silent, save for Natsuki’s soft breaths, her body gently rising and falling rhythmically.

“It’s okay now…” I gently coo. I can’t even begin to fathom what she’s had to deal with, or for how long this has been going on. She must feel so painfully alone in this world…

 

…

 

After… well, goodness knows how long, Natsuki stirs, lifting herself up groggily.

“O-Oh! You’re awake!” I say to her. She simply looks back at me in confusion.

I feel a bit awkward now. “Y-You, um…” I blush slightly, “I didn’t want to d-disturb you after all of that, and you just looked so peaceful… I-I’m sorry!”

“N-No, uh, it’s fine! I appreciate the gesture!” she stutters, not seeming to mind.

The two of us sit in silence for a few minutes. It’s only now that I realize Natsuki can’t return to her father tonight; not if… I don’t even want to think about what might happen.

 

“So, um… you’re not going home tonight, are you?” I ask.

 

Natsuki sighs, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t really have a choice, do I?”

 

I think for a little bit, but come up with an excellent solution.

 

“You could come to my house!” I almost shout, clapping my hands together excitedly.

 

_Oh, this could be wonderful! I have a spacious guest room that she could stay in, and we could exchange poems, and I could introduce her to Mango, and she’d be safe from anyone who might try to harm her, and we could have soothing cups of tea, and perhaps the occasional biscuit as a treat, and then we could-_

Natsuki stares back at me silently. As usual, I’ve taken things too far.

 

My face blazes a bright crimson, and I duck away, covering my face with my hands. “I-I-I-I mean, n-not in a weird way or anything! I-If you wanted t-to, you c-could… uuuuuuuuu…”

 

“Would that really be okay? Would your parents mind?”

 

_My parents…?_

How do I respond to that? It’s natural that she wouldn’t know, but… what do I say?

 

“U-Um, th-they’re not here, s-so it’d be okay…”

 

Natsuki places her hand on my shoulder and smiles. “Thank you for being my friend, Yuri.”

 

I simply nod. Offering her sanctuary is the least I can do after hearing her woes.

 

She gestures over towards the door. “Shall we get going, then?”


	26. Familiar

The air feels refreshing as Natsuki and I walk over to my house. The sky looks like inviting marmalade, spread evenly across the horizon. Natsuki manages to keep up with me, but is really starting to look tired.

“I-It’s not too much farther…” I say, trying to reassure her.

 

She simply smiles back at me, nodding.

 

The rest of the walk home is peaceful, but as we approach the front door, I start to feel increasingly nervous. After all, I haven’t had a guest for… well, I can’t remember having guests ever. So this will be a new experience for the both of us.

I tightly grip my keys, and fumble awkwardly with the lock; for some reason, it takes me longer than normal, but I eventually get it open.

“A-After you…” I hold the door open, and gesture for Natsuki to enter. She takes a few tentative steps before stopping, her mouth wide open in fascination. She’s left speechless as she looks around. It’s quite endearing seeing how much she appreciates my décor.

I close the door behind me, but clumsily let it slip, and it ends up slamming shut loudly.

“EEK!” Natsuki jumps up in panic and tries to run away, but trips on her ankles. Out of instinct, I lunge forward and catch her in my arms.

“W-What happened? Are you okay?”

Natsuki quivers slightly, but then slowly blinks and looks around again. “I-It’s okay,” She sighs, “I just thought… well, never mind. It’s okay.”

She pauses for a second before suddenly wriggling out of my arms, flustered. “A-Anyways, uh, this is a nice place, Yuri!”

“It is, isn’t it?” I smile at her. My parents were both doctors… they really did want the best for me…”

As I trail off, I look around the room myself. The front door of the house is connected to a small corridor which leads into the main living room. Grand bookcases line the walls, and the furniture glows in dark, modern colours; Violets, Navy Blues, that sort of thing. My parents were fond of cold colours, since they are more often associated with relaxed feelings. I’m fortunate I have similar tastes to them, as it meant I didn’t have to do much redecorating once they…

_Goodness, I’m rambling at this point, aren’t I? Do forgive me…_

“Mewww~!”

Mango decides that this is a good opportunity to make her presence known. She quickly runs over to me and leaps up into my arms, nuzzling against my face.

“Haha, hello little one!” I say playfully. It’s kind of silly, but I have a higher voice that I tend to only use around Mango. Most people with pets will have a special voice reserved for that pet; at least, that’s what the stories I’ve read have led me to believe.

Natsuki clasps her hands against her face, enraptured by Mango’s sudden appearance.

“Woah, a cat!” she says excitedly, “I didn’t know you had a cat! Look at her, she’s so…”

“Yes, this is little Mango… she’s been ever so good to me…” I scratch Mango behind her ears; she purrs with gratitude.

“Mango? That’s… not the kind of name I thought you’d pick for a cat.” Natsuki tilts her head curiously.

 

“Ah, well… “I look Mango in the eyes, who slowly blinks back at me, “when I was little, my mother would bring me sliced mangoes after school. They were soft and ever so sweet; it was lovely, and filled me with the warm feelings this one does…”

I raise Mango up slightly. “I suppose it makes me feel nostalgic for those times…”

“Now little one,” I bounce Mango slightly, “would you like to greet our guest?”

I slowly place Mango on the floor, and watch as she cautiously approaches Natsuki. Natsuki lowers herself close to the ground, which makes Mango feel a little more at ease. She sniffs at Natsuki’s knee before rubbing her head against her, which makes Natsuki laugh.

“You can pet her if you’d like,” I say.

Natsuki reaches out and strokes Mango, clearly enjoying herself. It’s so good to see her smiling so genuinely… it’s almost as if-

*Twitch*

_Wh-What? Not now, please!_

The familiar itch crawls along my arm. As I watch Natsuki play with Mango, I can’t help but start thinking about the long term plan. She’s at my house, which is all well and good, but I failed to take into account how this might affect me. I’ve never had company in my house before; I’m going to have to be extremely careful about how I express myself around Natsuki. There’s parts of me I’ll have to keep tightly shut; I probably shouldn’t be reading into the early hours of the morning if I’m to be a good host…

Oh goodness, what should I do as a host? What’s expected of me? Will I be suitable?

*Twitch*

I can feel the pressure building up inside of me as my mind starts whirling around the numerous hypotheticals. I was really hoping that we could have a nice day without incident, but…

_Why did I invite her over here? I could have helped her find accommodations elsewhere, but I invited her to my house without thinking!_

_N-Not that I don’t want her here of course, but… I wish I’d taken into account the potential consequences…_

As much as I want to help Natsuki get acquainted with her surroundings, this feeling is getting to be overbearing; I have to take care of this.

“U-Um, you can make yourself at home for now… I, u-uh…” I stutter, wringing my arm tightly, “I have to go take care of something right now… I-I’ll be back in a little while…”

Natsuki nods, and I quickly pivot around on my heel, making my way towards the bathroom upstairs. Once I reach it, I hastily shut the door and lock myself in.

My heart begins pounding intensely, and my vision grows blurry. _If I don’t do something soon, I’m going to pass out from the pressure…_

I hurriedly remove my blazer and pull up the sleeves of my shirt. Shoving my hand into my blazer pocket, I pull out the slender pocketknife I’d brought with me to school the other day. It’s very compact; it barely makes an impression in my pocket, and is virtually undetectable from the outside.

Flicking the blade open, I take a deep breath, and drag it across my arm.

“Kthhh-!”

I reflexively suck in air through my teeth in response. However, the sharp stinging from the fresh cut is soon replaced with gentle relief as the tension is finally released.

I hold the knife up to the light. It’s really quite pretty, as the light bounces off of the blade, illuminating the delicate etching along the handle.

I quickly pull the knife across my skin again, creating coiled cinnabar threads across my arm. The delicate maiden dances across my canvas, releasing the pressure from within.

I stop to look at my arm. The cuts aren’t too deep; they’re not bleeding too badly, but I should still take care of them for now…

After rinsing my arm off and bandaging it, my mind drifts back to Natsuki. _How am I going to explain this away to her? I know this isn’t the healthiest way to cope, but…_

I unlock the door to the bathroom, and dash across to my bedroom. Now feeling calmer, I’m able to think about things more rationally. _Maybe I’ll be more comfortable if I change out of this uniform…_

I swiftly remove my clothes, and replace them with something more casual; a simple navy-blue long-sleeve, accompanied with matching jeans. I already feel more at ease.

When I return to Natsuki, she’s gently scratching Mango, who is curled up on her lap.

“S-Sorry for taking so long, I, um… I j-just like to get out of my uniform when I get home…”

“Oh, uh, that’s okay!” Natsuki laughs, “I’ve been making a good pillow for your cat here!”

 

Mango chirps in agreement before settling back down.

 

I let out a soft giggle. It’s so heartwarming to see Natsuki look so happy after what happened earlier; I’m lucky to be a part of this.

“W-Well, um…” I twirl a long, thin strand of hair around in my fingers, turning towards Natsuki, “are you hungry?”


	27. Hospitality

“I-It’s okay…”

Natsuki tries to decline the offer, but her stomach speaks for her, grumbling loudly. Mango is unsettled by the noise, and runs off.

“I-I guess maybe I’m a little hungry…” Natsuki says sheepishly, rubbing the back of her head.

I giggle, and gesture out of the room. “Would you like to help me prepare dinner?”

She nods, and I lead her to my kitchen. She stands in the doorway, her mouth agape in awe.

I understand how she must feel; my kitchen is incredibly elegant, with dark marble countertops bringing out the shining appliances. There are many shelves, filled with all kinds of utensils and tools, in addition to a well-stocked spice rack that sits above the oven. A custom-sanded chopping board sits in the corner next to the oven, joined by an elegant block containing a high-end, matching set of elegant knives.

Natsuki’s still staring at everything with wide eyes filled with wonder. That precious sparkling in her eyes… it incites a desire to protect her.

Gently patting her shoulder, I bring her back into reality, and walk over to the fridge. I’ve decided to prepare omurice for the two of us, fetching the necessary ingredients from their tidy spots in the fridge and placing them on the countertop; eggs, chicken, cheese, milk, onions… I’m going to prepare a delightful dish.

Omurice might sound a little childish to some, but there’s something about the simplicity of the dish that’s inherently comforting; perhaps it’s the fluffy, cloudlike omelet that encapsulates the feisty flavour of the rice inside. Whatever it is, omurice embodies feelings of safety and nostalgia.

Before I start preparing the meal, I collect my long, flowing hair and duck my head forward, whipping it down and over me. With quick, precise movements, I swish it back upwards and catch it, tying it carefully into a loose bun. It’d be tragic if I ended up burning my hair whilst cooking, so this is a necessary precaution. Afterwards, I reach into a cupboard above me and retrieve a suitable portion of rice, some sauces, and bowls. With everything in place, I can begin.

I glide over to the sink and turn the tap. I’m about to pull the sleeves of my shirt back to prevent them from getting wet, but then I realize I have company. I quickly pull my sleeve back down, and wash my hands.

I crack the eggs into a bowl, and pour in the milk. I turn to Natsuki, and hand it to her. “W-Would you mind whisking this for me? I can prepare the rest,” I say, sliding over to the oven to start heating the pans on top.

I grab the onions and place them on the thick chopping board, then carefully pick out a suitable knife. For some reason, it feels heavier than it normally does… _Perhaps I’ve gotten too used to handling the smaller pieces in my collection…_

I shake my head, and plunge the blade into the onions. With incredible swiftness, I dice them up, and place them into the pan, allowing them to start sizzling. It’s important that they go in first in order to help tie the flavour together once the other ingredients join them.

Intensely focused on the food, I slice up the chicken into tiny chunks, then guide them into the pan alongside the onions. Within seconds, a delectable smell start to rise from the stovetop.

I take a brief break to wash my hands again, taking it slowly and steadily. Miraculously, I manage to not get my sleeves wet a second time. Satisfied, I retrieve a slender wooden spoon, and begin to stir the pan. Once the chicken is fully-cooked, I sprinkle in some of my favourite spices, then place carefully measured amounts of rice into the pan. Topping it off with a spoonful of soy sauce, I swish the wooden spoon around the pan.

The food sizzles teasingly, as if beckoning me towards it. With each playful crackle of rice and seasoning, I can feel the flavour bubbling forward.

Once everything is prepared, I transfer it to a clean plate, and rinse of the pan. Half of the dish is complete; now it’s time to prepare the omelet.

“Could I have the eggs now, please?” I call out to Natsuki. She blinks for a moment before hurriedly turning around. After a few moments, she swivels back, and present the bowl to me.

“Thank you,” I smile at her, pouring out a small amount of oil before adding some of the mixture to the pan.

“I didn’t know you could cook, Yuri,” Natsuki muses, her arms folded.

“Oh yes,” I say softly, tending to the soon-to-be omelet. “I’m only really good at simple stuff like this, but every weekend when I was younger, my mother and I would cook dinner together. I suppose after a while, it just sort of stuck.”

I sprinkle in a delicate amount of cheese into the airy omelet, and start spooning the rice into it. Using a spatula, I carefully fold it up and lift it gently onto a plate. I hand the plate over to Natsuki, and then pour in the rest of the egg mixture for myself.

“Would you like to go to the dining room? I’ll just be a moment,” I say guiding a second omurice to my own plate, and turning off the oven. She mumbles in agreement, and leaves the kitchen, allowing me to start cleaning up the dishes and utensils I’d been using. I know some people like to save it until after the meal, but I’ve always preferred to take care of it prior; this way, it doesn’t feel as overwhelming, as everything is spread out over time as opposed to being faced with a large mountain of dirty dishes.

I pick up my plate and some utensils, and make my way towards the door. However, I notice that Natsuki had accidentally left her own meal on the countertop. I pick it up, and carry both plates through to the dining room.


	28. Respite

Natsuki sits at the table with a tense pose; her back is perfectly straight, and her arms are obediently kept by her sides.

“I-I think you forgot yours…” I say, placing the plate and a fork down in front of her, then take the seat directly across the table.

“Forgive me, but I hope it’s alright that I didn’t use ketchup…” I say, taking a dainty bite, “I know it’s supposed to be an integral part of the dish, but I’ve never really cared for it…”

I take another bite, and look over at Natsuki. To my surprise, she hasn’t touched her food at all. I thought she was hungry… Did I do something wrong? Was my presentation weird? Did I season it too much?

“I-Is there something the matter?” I ask timidly.

“Don’t I have to wait for you to finish? I get to have what’s left, right?”

I blink in confusion. “I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

She sighs, looking longingly at the omurice. “You will leave me some, r-right?”

I begin to put the pieces together. She must have been socialized to see food not as a necessity, but a rare treat, only available when given explicit permission. The thought of her at home, watching her father eating and hoping he wouldn’t forget her… I can physically feel my heart snapping in half.

“Oh goodness, um, that’s for you,” I point at the plate. “You can have it now i-if you’d like…”

Her eyes light up, her pupils growing wide. “Wait… really?”

I smile at her. “Of course! I made it for you!”

 

Natsuki’s eyes start to become misty with tears. She picks up her fork apprehensively, and takes a small piece from her plate. She looks up at me, as if to ask for approval. I nod, and watch as she timidly raises the fork to her mouth, taking a bite.

Her expression… I wish I could find the words to adequately describe it. She seemed to radiate true innocence and gratitude as the powerful flavours danced around her mouth. A wonderful symphony of elation and surprise washed over her face; it was unlike anything I’d ever seen before.

I excuse myself to bring in some tea. Natsuki doesn’t notice, hungrily jabbing her fork into the omurice and eating it quickly. She only notices when I return, placing a teacup next to her. She’s still enthusiastically eating the meal.

“S-Sorry, I probably should have started with this…” I mumble, pouring out some tea for her. Within moments, she completely cleans her plate.

Taking a gentle sip from my tea, I can’t help but laugh softly; it truly is wonderful to see her so genuinely comfortable here. “Did you enjoy your meal?”  


She nods with zeal, a big grin on her face. “It was amazing! You’re really an incredible cook, Yuri!”

 

I feel my cheeks flush softly from the compliment. I turn my head to the side and reach up to fidget with my hair, but simply grab at the air a few times before realizing I’d tied my hair into a bun. Natsuki giggles; I must look so silly right now…

My face filling with bashful flame, I can feel the familiar crawling of embarrassment running up my arm. I hurriedly stand up from my chair, almost knocking it over.

 

“U-U-Um, I, uh, I have to use the lavatory!” I spit out, flustered. Leaving her to drink her own tea, I quickly pace up the stairs to my bedroom, almost slamming the door shut.

 

Having company is _difficult_ … I hadn’t accounted for how much pressure it would make me feel; I had to be presentable and welcoming, hiding my insecurities away. It would be unfair to make Natsuki worry about me right now, especially given her own situation.

I lean against the wall, gripping my arm tightly with my other hand. Taking shaky breaths, I try to delay the craving for as long as possible. _I don’t want to do this again with her in my house, I really don’t…_

My teeth chatter defiantly. _I’m not sure how much longer I can stop myself…_

I stride over to my cupboard to find a suitable caretaker, but in my hurry I trip over my ankles, driving me to the floor.

The sudden drop dazes me as I hit the ground. Taking a deep breath, I pick myself up, and look around to regain my bearings. My gaze stops at my desk, where I had left the volume of _Parfait Girls_ I had borrowed from Natsuki. I force myself to move away from the cupboard, and pick up the book. I open it up, and start reading the dialogue out loud to myself.

“ _What do you think, Alice-chan?” Minori asks, looking over expectantly. “What should we make for Friendship Day?”_

_Alice scratches her chin in thought. “Hmm… it should be something fun and enticing, right?”_

_A third character named Hanako raises her hand. “Perhaps we could make something cooling!”_

_“Uwaa! That’s an awesome idea, Hanako-Chan!” Minori beams. “It’s supposed to be a beautiful day, so that’ll ensure we’ll attract a big crowd!”_

_“Something fun, enticing, but also cold… what fits that description?” Alice ponders._

I scan the pages over and over, doing anything I can to try and distract my mind. To my surprise, it seems to work; My pulse starts to steady, and the needles running up and down my arm shift from a tumbling panic to being tightly ensconced by the nurturing bandages.

I sigh, and smile weakly to myself. I managed to beat the urge. Even if it’s only temporary, and even if the desire is stronger next time as a result, I still feel somewhat victorious.

Letting my hair down, I descend the staircase with the volume under my arm. As I make my way back to the dining room, I notice that it’s now completely dark outside; the stars glistening invitingly in the clear sky.

_Since she showed me this book, perhaps I can introduce her to something I enjoy…_


	29. Celestial

I return to the dining room with the volume of _parfait girls_ neatly tucked under my arm. Natsuki is just finishing up her tea.

“I, um, I forgot to give this back to you earlier, so…here…”

Natsuki takes the book curiously, looking it over for a moment before becoming incredibly excited.

“So, how’d you like? Who’s your favourite character? Wasn’t it cool when they made the ice cream cake? What’d you think about when Alice goes ‘this one time, in baking camp, I took my rolling pin and’-“

She begins rattling off several questions far too quickly for me to give an adequate response. It reminds me of myself a little whenever I go off on a tangent about one of my novels; it’s somewhat endearing to see I’m not alone in having that level of fascination about something.

“Um, it was… different…” I hold my hand up to interrupt her. “Although it’s not what I’d normally read…”

I smile at her. “I suppose I can see why you like it.”

 

To be completely honest, my opinion on manga had shifted slightly since reading the book. _Parfait Girls_ probably wouldn’t be my first choice, but it feels nice that Natsuki would trust me with something she cares about so much. Perhaps I can ask her if there’s anything similar to the things I normally read.

 

“I knew you’d like it!” Natsuki grins, placing her hands on her hips in a power pose.

“A-Anyway…” I suddenly interrupt her, remembering what I wanted to say earlier, “Would you like to come with me? Th-There’s something I’d like to show you…”

Natsuki hops off of her chair and pushes it back into the table, then follows me as I lead her through the house. As I pass the living room, I stop by the settee give Mango a quick pat on the head, then scoop up a large folded blanket.

We exit the house through a door around the back, revealing a beautiful hillside, delicately lit up by the stars in the clear sky. I set the blanket down on the cool grass, and turn back to Natsuki, beckoning her over. I lie down on my back, whilst she sits down next to me with her neck craned upwards, hugging her knees tightly.

“Since you shared something you like with me, I thought I could return the favour…” I say with a smile. “On warm nights like this, when the sky is cloudless, I like to look up at the stars. Sometimes, I like to think that they’re up there, watching over me.”

Natsuki listens respectfully, simply absorbing the lunar light. I was expecting her to have a witty retort readied, but she seems content to just listen for a little while. It feels wonderful to be able to share something so peaceful with someone…

“I’ve been keeping track of all of the constellations… see this one?” I circle my hand around, pointing up to a cluster of stars. “That’s Zell, the Excellent; He represents loyalty and consistency in life.”

Natsuki nods, her mouth open in fascination. Her eyes shift around ever so slightly, as if she’s mentally trying to connect all of the stars into their representative shapes.

“He’s tasked with fighting Reginald, the eldritch,” I continue, gesturing over to the east, “if you look closely, you can see its gaping jaws. He fought against Justome, the Random and Taffin, the blurred.”

Natsuki folds her arms into a makeshift pillow behind her head, stretching herself out on the blanket. “What makes him such a threat?”

Oh. I wasn’t prepared to answer that question.

“He, u-um…well, that is to say…”

 

The lore surrounding Reginald the eldritch was quite gruesome; he was a terrifying beast stitched together by Libitina, the Trickster in retaliation against Ba-kaa the pestering. However, the abomination became too unruly to control, and it took the combined forces of several brave heroes to subdue it. But I think talking about it in detail would ruin this moment.

“I think that’s a story best saved for another time…” I eventually settle on a generic dismissal.

Natsuki shrugs, not wanting to press further. “How long have you been doing this out here?” She asked, turning to face me.

“I suppose I can’t really remember,” I sigh, still gazing upwards. “I’ve always been a bit alone, but looking up at the stars comforted me a bit; when everyone else left me, they were still up there, urging me to keep going.”

“That’s pretty poetic.”

“I’ve been by myself for most of my life,” I laugh sadly. “Books and the stars are the only ones that haven’t run away from me.”

Natsuki nods. “I know how that feels…”

For an indeterminate amount of time, we simply look up at the sky, silently appreciating the navy blue canvas above. Even though neither of us is speaking, there’s still a warm feeling of connection. For once, I truly feel serene; I can simply focus on enjoying this instant with a good friend. That’s all I’ve really wanted; just being close to someone, sharing a special moment together.

 

_This feels so calming… I could probably fall asleep out here…_

…

 

After some time, Natsuki starts to yawn softly. “Hey Yuri…”

“Hm?” I roll my head over to face her, opening a single eye.

“What time is it? I’m getting a little sleepy…” she says, her head bobbing slightly.

I sit up and pull my phone out of my pocket, the bright screen flashing painfully against my eyes. “O-Oh goodness, it’s almost midnight…Sorry, I-I didn’t realize…”

I must have dozed off, and completely forgot that Natsuki might not have been comfortable staying outside all night.

“I-If you’d like to follow me, there’s a guest room you can use…”

Natsuki rolls over and pushes herself upwards. I lean down to collect the blanket, then lead her back towards the house.


	30. Soporific

Natsuki follows me back through the house, and up the winding spiral staircase. Reaching the end of the corridor, I show her into the house’s guest room.

The room is relatively plain; in the far corner of the room is a large bed, covered by an unassuming violet duvet. Directly next to it is a short bedside table, display a soft lamp and a small, silver clock. In the opposite corner is an old chest of drawers that my parents had received as a wedding present; it had been handcrafted, and showed scuffed marks of sandpaper despite the careful lacquer. Resting on top is a small blue vase containing a fragrant bouquet of lavenders; my mother’s favourite flower. In the middle of the wall is a beautiful framed photograph of a barred owl, quizzically looking back at the camera from the wooden railings it is perched on. The room is gently illuminated by the pale moonlight, giving it a welcoming, pleasant atmosphere.

I click the lamp on, and beckon Natsuki to follow me. She looks around the room curiously, as if getting her bearings.

“The bathroom is two doors down on the right if you want to freshen up or a-anything…” I mumble. “I-Is there anything else I can do for you…?”

Natsuki tilts her head to the side, apparently thinking of what she might need. She looks down at her clothes, then back up to me; she’s still in her school uniform.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any pyjamas I could borrow, would you?” she asks.

“W-Well, I don’t think I have anything that would fit you… but I might have something…”

I leave quickly, and head for the cupboard in my bedroom. After sifting through some hangers, I find my target; a simple white button-down. _This is definitely too big for her, but perhaps it could serve as a nightgown…_

Returning to the guest room, I hand her the shirt. “Hopefully this will do…” I say, bashfully. Truth be told, I’ve never been in a scenario where someone else would be wearing my clothes; for some reason, it makes me feel a little nervous.

Natsuki examines the shirt for a moment, holding it up in front of her. It’s giant on her, which is to be expected; I’m a fair bit taller than her, and I also have to accommodate for… um… well, I just need to pick out larger shirts.

She suddenly grins, and slips the shirt on over her uniform. Giggling to herself, she spins around, flailing the loose sleeves playfully.

I simply stand in the doorway, speechless. _That smile… it’s so genuine…_

As if abruptly realizing she was not alone, she hastily pulls the shirt off and throws it onto the bed. “U-Uh! I g-guess this’ll do!”

I feel my face flushing. I don’t know why, but something about seeing her look so innocent and happy…

“Th-That was…uuuuu…” I begin to stammer. ‘Endearing’ was the word I was looking for, but I couldn’t make it leave my lips. “G-G-Good night!”

I dash out of the guest bedroom to my own, slamming the door shut a little too forcefully.

_What is this feeling…?_

My face is burning, and seems to flare in rhythm with my heartbeat. The all-too-familiar sensation of fire ants crackles around my contracting arm, matching my pulse’s tempo. _Is it because of…?_

_Okay, deep breaths Yuri… you don’t need it… it’ll pass… you don’t need it…_

My arm blazes in protest, but I manage to resist. I place my hand across my heart in a clenched fist, squeezing tightly with every breath. Shockingly, the craving starts to subside.

I think back to stargazing earlier, feeling so serene, pointing out each constellation. I think back to the warm blanket, and the simple peace we shared silently. _I won’t let myself ruin another day…_

The tumbling needles ricochet through my veins, trying to burst through my skin; the feeling is so intense, I cup my mouth with my hand, stopping myself from screaming.

After a few moments, it subsides, and resigns itself to a dull, heaviness. I know that eventually, I’m not going to be able to stop the urge, and will eventually have to give into it… but I’m relieved that I was able to resist this time.

I wander over to my cupboard, and retrieve a neat, matching set of Navy blue, satin pyjamas. Changing into them, I flop down at my desk and crack open the thick novel resting on top; I need something familiar to soothe my mind before I can think about sleeping.

After a few chapters, my eyelids start to get heavy. _It’s okay, I’ll just get to the end of this chapter and thennnnnnnnn…_

…

 

 

_Where… Where am I?_

 

I lift my head up, and see myself in what appears to be a grassy field. In the distance, I can see the ocean rising and collapsing into itself, without care. The sky is dark, but I don’t have any trouble seeing. However, in front of me is… a door?

I walk up to it, and knock against it a couple of times with my knuckles. _Yes, this is a door alright. But why is it in the middle of a field?_

I shrug, and pull the door open. It reveals a new field, identical in every way except the sky is lit up by three setting suns. In front of me is a whirling vortex of coats and book, with lampposts hanging precariously through it, creating a downward walkway. Perhaps against my better judgment, I follow the lampposts down.

I’m presented with a dusty hallway, lit by gentle, magenta candles. The glow cheerfully, and lure me further down until I reach a small box, wrapped tightly in brightly coloured ribbons. To the side is a small desk, much like what you’d see in a classroom. On the other side of the the room is an imposing gate.

_Perhaps that box has a clue that could help me… but how can I get the strings off?_

I walk over to the desk, and open it up. Sticking vertically upwards is a stainless-steel ruler. I look it over; it certainly looks quite sharp. I delicately slice at the strings, and they snap off obediently.

Lifting open the box, I see a… well, I’m not quite sure what it is. It’s soft to the touch, but has the consistency of jelly. Bright lights swirl around inside it; simply touching it fills me with feelings of joy and warmth. Alongside it is a small note that simply reads “inspire me”.

I stop to think for a moment; _What would be inspirational… maybe some poetry?_

 

I clear my throat and recite the first lines that come to mind. “Frenzied, lopsided ambience, contaminated by ambivalence, pristine eyes in studded robes, primal, sparkling coves…”

The block begins to flash brightly, then the note flips over. It now reads “Help yourself :)”

Using the ruler, I carefully slice three slivers from it; they could be useful. _Now, about this new door…_

I gingerly approach the door, and grab the handle, turning it slowly. Inside is a small fluffy creature, looking up at me with round, expectant eyes. Its timid gaze melts my heart. Reaching down, I present one of the glowing slices to the creature. It sniffs at it a little before nibbling at it. Apparently satisfied, it purrs in delight, then seems to gesture behind me. I bow to the creature, then close the door and return up the spiraled lampposts.

The field isn’t here anymore, but instead a breathtakingly beautiful spring in the middle of a forest. A cool wind gently rustles the leaves on the tall trees that trim the clearing. In the middle of the spring is a pedestal with a single rose floating above it. I slowly walk up to it, and place the second glowing slice next to it.

“Whirling roses, pulchritude, blazing passion, attitude, serene petals, and dreams accrued, sparkling eyes, this is for you…” I find myself saying without even thinking.

The rose begins to spin, gradually picking up speed, until it bursts in a flurry of stunning pink petals. After blowing away, the petals reveal another opening. Curious, I leap through it, and find myself in an underground train station.

It’s surprisingly clean here; in fact, it looks as if I’m the only person to have come down here. I reach a gate that requests fare to pass. _Oh dear, I think I’ve left my wallet along with the spoons… hopefully this will suffice…_

I slot the final glowing slice into the gate. It whirs for a moment and spits out… _some toast?_

Sure enough, it’s a slice of toast. A neat timetable is printed across it in strawberry jam. It looks delicious…

Absentmindedly, I place it in my mouth, and then walk over to the train, flopping down onto one of the seats. Soon, the train starts moving, carrying me away from this strange place.

I let out a gentle yawn. _Perhaps I should get some rest… this has been quite an adventure…_


	31. Conscious

_Mmm… Did I doze off reading again?_

I pull myself up, looking around. I seem to have collapsed onto my bed, although I don’t remember falling asleep. However, what’s more curious is the half-eaten slice of bread that sits lazily on my pillow.

I reach over and pick it up, studying it carefully. _How on Earth did this get here? Did Natsuki try and pull a prank on me…?_

_I suppose it’s rather harmless as far as practical jokes go…_

I discard the slice of bread, and quietly make my way towards the bathroom. Natsuki doesn’t seem to be awake yet, so I should probably be a good host and get myself ready for the day before her.

The comforting warm water starts to pour out from the showerhead as I turn the tap. Double checking that I locked the door behind me, I disrobe and step into the steamy haven.

For a few moments, I simply allow the water to run down my shoulders; it’s a peculiar mix of rejuvenation and relaxation, and I’m unable to pinpoint exactly which it is closer to, but it makes me feel at ease.

After finishing, I quickly dry myself off and put my pyjamas back on. _There’s no way I want to risk bumping into Natsuki with just a towel around me… she might see my arms…_

Once I’m back to my room, I change into a comfortable set of clothes; an exquisitely soft jumper alongside some chic leggings. We have the day off of school today in order to give everyone more time to prepare for the festival, so I don’t need to worry about my uniform.

Satisfied with my presentation, I hop down the stairs, smiling. I’m not entirely certain why, but I feel somewhat optimistic about today. Maybe just having company in the house is enough to put me in a good mood; I won’t lie and say I don’t enjoy a little time to myself every now and then, but to have someone else in this house, blowing away the suffocating loneliness… It’s refreshing.

I make my way to the kitchen, and turn a dial on the stove. A steady ring of flame coils around the top, allowing me to place a pan on top. I should start preparing breakfast for myself and Natsuki; _perhaps she would enjoy a blintz?_

I hum to myself softly as I cook, gently swishing the pan. I don’t want to say that I’m a master chef, but I certainly enjoy it, and definitely know my way around a number of dishes. It’s kind of a necessary life skill to develop, especially when you’ve lived on your own for as long as I have.

Around the corner, I hear the gentle _pap-pap-pap_ of a mischievous little cat’s feet against the hard wooden floor. Turning my head around, I see Mango has decided she wants to ‘help’. Of course, we have very different ideas of what counts as ‘help’; Whilst I wouldn’t mind an extra set of hands, I don’t want her jumping up on the countertops whilst I’m cooking.

“Why do you want to go up here? You won’t like these!” I say in a soft, sing-song manner. Mango simply lets out a small chirp before circling around my legs. Although she is technically in the way, I just can’t bring myself to be mad at her, and I think she knows it.

Before long, Natsuki appears, leaning in the doorway.

“Hey there,” She says, grinning. She’s wearing her creased uniform from yesterday, but it doesn’t seem to be affecting her morale.

“Good morning, Natsuki! How did you sleep?”

She stretches a little. “Oh, _I_ slept just fine. I should be asking how _you_ were last night?”

“Eh?” I pause, confused. “What do you mean by that?”

“Oh nothing, I’m sure it’s fine if you doughn’t remember,” She chuckles to herself. “You were just loafing around a bit, you know?”

As she continues to giggle to herself, I’m left completely puzzled. If there’s some sort of joke, I’m missing it.

“I’m sorry, what?”

She waves her hand over at me. “I should probably fill you in; it’s the yeast I can do after you let me stay here.”

I raise an eyebrow, staring at her blankly. “Don’t you mean _least_?”

“No, uh, I was making a…” Natsuki starts to say but trails off, tugging at her collar sheepishly. “Say, what’s going on over here?”

She points over at the pan, with thin layers of batter starting to take shape.

“Oh, I’m making blintzes,” I reply softly. “My father loved them, so we’d make them together at least once a week. Nowadays, however…”

I look up from the pan, staring in front of me at nothing inparticular.

“I only really make them when I have guests, which… isn’t often…”

_That’s an understatement. I legitimately can’t remember the last time I wasn’t alone in this house._

Natsuki tilts her head to the side, her arms folded. “I wish I could have done stuff like that with my dad…” she says. There’s a morose tone to her voice

Once the food is prepared, I scoop it onto a plate and hand it over to Natsuki. She thanks me and accepts it, simply eating it in the doorway. I prepare another for myself, and take gentle bites from it.

She finishes hers surprisingly quickly, and then hands the plate back to me. She looks over her uniform, and tries to smooth out the creases in vain.

“I should probably go home and change out of these,” She says, gesturing towards her clothes. She sounds unsettlingly calm.

“I-Is that safe?” I ask, the concern evident in my voice. “Won’t your father be angry that you didn’t go home last night?”

“I…” She raises her hand as if to make a point, but then quietly puts it back down. It seems she doesn’t have a plan if things go awry.

“It’ll be fine,” She eventually says, not convincing me. “There’s some other things I need to go over there and get anyway, so sooner or later I’ll need to go over; might as well get it over with now.”

I think for a moment. _Will she really be okay going back there by herself? Perhaps I could assist her in some way… what if I presented her with one of my knives to use for defence?_

_No, that’s a terrible idea. What if her father manages to wrestle it from her? Also, what would she think if I casually presented her with a balisong?_

_Nevertheless, there’s safety in numbers, so…_

 “Would you like me to accompany you?”

“NO!” She shouts, startling me. “U-Uh, I mean, I don’t want you t-to… N-Nevermind.  It’ll be okay.”

“W-Well, I guess I can’t force you to stay…” I sigh, looking into her wide, nervous eyes. “But let me know that you’re out of there and safe as soon as possible, okay? Perhaps when you return, we could start working on the, um, atmosphere stuff for Monday…”

She smiles at me. “I’d like that. I’ll see you later, okay?”

Natsuki gives me a confident wave, and then leaves through the front door. _I’m still not so sure this is a good idea… but I’m sure she knows what she’s doing…right?”_

_I should find something to do before I let myself conjure up horrific hypothetical scenarios involving her and her father… perhaps I can go out and get some supplies for later?_


	32. Preparation

Sighing deeply to myself, I clean up everything from breakfast, and grab my bag.

“I’m going out, okay Mango?” I call out in a playful voice. Mango simply meows in response. With a smile, I go through the front door, locking it as I leave.

_Natsuki will be okay… she’ll have to be okay…_

_No, I can’t think about that right now; I have to make sure I can make things enjoyable if… no, when she returns._

I walk briskly away from home, taking a turn down the road and through a blank alleyway. There’s an art supply shop that I have in mind, but it’s been a long time since my last visit. _I hope it’s still there…_

My father would sometimes paint as a hobby, and would occasionally send me to fetch a new brush, or something of the sort. By his own admission he wasn’t very good, but he enjoyed it; that’s what matters the most, right?

I know my mother always gushed over the paintings he created, even if the subject wasn’t clear at first glance. My father preferred a more abstract art style, painting emotions rather than concrete objects or places. Perhaps it was a means of escape from his very structured schedule. I wonder if he felt it was enough…

Fortunately, the shop is still exactly where it used to be; I’m a little surprised that I remember the way to it. As I push the door open, a delicate bell jingles above. _Alright, what am I looking for here…_

Starting with the banner itself would probably be a good idea. I find a large, thick length of cloth neatly bundled together. _This would be perfect._ I tuck it under my arm, and collect another few spools of fabric to make ribbons with. _What next…_

Scanning the ailses, I decide to get several different colours of paint; I don’t know what I want to do with the banner just yet, and even if I need more, I can always mix the colours later. I’m about to leave, but then turn around and pick up a set of brushes.

After I’ve gathered everything I think I’ll need, I drift towards the counter to pay for the items, then I start to head home. My pace is comparatively slower on the way back; whether it’s because I’m now carrying a lot, or if I’m still worried about Natsuki is unclear. I consider calling her, but decide against it. If she’s trying to sneak around her father’s house, it would only give away her position.

_I suppose the best I can do for now is set things up for when she returns…_

 

…

 

A couple of hours have passed since I arrived home. I’ve prepared a section of the living room to paint; the banner is laid out across the floor, and the brushes and paints are all neatly placed alongside it. Over on the other side of the room, I have an oil diffuser letting out a comforting mist, imbued with the scent of jasmine oil.

Jasmine oil has many properties that make it my favourite; it can calm one’s mind and soul, allowing them to focus more on their thoughts and feelings with a clear head. The relaxing, floral fragrance is perfect to wind down to; on certain, more difficult nights, I have allowed the diffuser to run whilst I try to sleep. That is, if I remember to go to bed, rather than simply drifting off with whatever book I’m reading.

Some sources claim that jasmine oil is also a potent aphrodisiac, which I suppose makes sense; the way it seems to free one’s emotions could very well allow more primal feelings to come forth, but since I’ve always been by myself, I can’t say for certain whether that is true.

Suddenly, my phone starts ringing. I yelp in shock, but then realize what it means. _That must be Natsuki!_

I accept the call, and let out a deep sigh in relief. “Oh, thank goodness…”

“ _Hey! I told you it’d work out alright!”_ she responds enthusiastically. She sounds as though she’s… been exercising?

“A-Are you okay?”

“ _I’m pretty tired, but I should be fine,”_ she says. She briefly pauses, and I hear the swishing of a water bottle. “ _I just did a hell of a lot of running, but I got everything I was looking for!”_

“That’s good… did you still want to help with the festival preparations?”

“ _Yeah, I could do with something quiet… I just need to rest up a bit, and then I can head over.”_

“Wh-Where are you? Do you want me to come find you?”

“ _Nah, it’s okay. I’m just at a park near the school; once I’ve rested up, I should be fine.”_

“Okay… stay safe, alright?”

She chuckles. “ _Don’t worry, I’ve got this! I made it this far, right?”_

“Indeed… do you, um, remember how to get to my house…?”

“ _Oh yeah, just give me a little bit and I’ll head over.”_

“Very well… I’m glad to hear you’re okay…”

“ _I will be now. I’ll see you later, yeah?”_

“Of course. See you later.”

 

I hang up, and flop down onto the settee, running my hand through my thick hair. I can feel a little bit more at ease knowing that she’s out of that place now. I guess now all there’s left to do is wait for her to arrive…

 

…

 

After some time, I hear a gentle knocking on the door. I quickly walk over and open it up, revealing a very proud Natsuki. She has a wide grin on her face, alongside a bag that seems to be bursting slung across her back. She tilts her head forward, folding her arms.

“Did you miss me?” she laughs. I can’t help but return her smile.

“It’s good to see you made it safely…” I say, bringing my hands close to my heart. “I have everything set up, if you’d like to begin right away…”


	33. Creativity

I lead Natsuki to the living room, gesturing towards the banner I had laid out on the floor. However, she is immediately drawn towards my oil diffuser. She stands close to it and leans over, letting out a relaxed sigh.

“I see you’re curious about my aromatherapy!” I smile sincerely. “I plan to use this fragrance at the festival; it uses the delicate notes of Jasmine oil, as I find it truly helps open up the soul…”

I step towards her, looking directly into her eyes. My cheeks flush slightly, and I can’t help but giggle a little. “Jasmine oil can enhance your emotions, soothe the spirit, and even awaken one’s innermost desires… isn’t that perfect for a poetry reading?”

Natsuki’s eyes scan my face for a moment, but she quickly stands up. “A-Anyway,” She says, clearing her throat, “I hope this isn’t all you had planned!”

“O-Of course I have something else… I thought we could write words on small sheets of paper, then hang them around the room with ribbons… it’s be like diving head-first into the world of literature… isn’t that exhilarating?”

I spin around, pulling my hands close to my chest. _To lose oneself in a sea of the raw, unfiltered written word…it sounds divine…_

Natsuki nods, resting her hand on her chin. “I do have to admit, that sounds pretty cool. Any thoughts on the kinds of words we should be writing?”

“I suppose whatever words resonate with you the most… the words that truly embody your own sense of being…

We kneel down beside the blank banner, and divide the paper up between the two of us. I delicately pen down a neat assortment of words that I feel like I can identify with.

 

_Pleasure, Starscape, Vibrant, Lust, Covet, Destiny, Heavensent, Aura, Sensation, Eternity…_

Natsuki seems to have finished up before me, and loosely plays with the words she’s written down, pushing them around the floor with her finger. _I suppose now we need to measure out ribbon for these…_

I reach into my pocket and pull out a delicate pocket-knife. I flip open the blade, and…

 

And… _goodness, it really is a sight to behold, isn’t it?_

The handle is a soft crimson, as though it were a sparkling ruby. It’s laced with several abstract patterns, an apt metaphor for the sometimes chaotic nature of a knife; is it a lifesaving tool, or a malevolent weapon?

The blade is finely pressed, and gives off a soothing, sapphire glow under the light. It complements the deep red of the handle wonderfully, as though it were a passionate, swirling vortex of flame and frost. It’s immaculately sharp; a simple, careless flick of the wrist would be able to cleanly drift through fruit with no resistance.

Simply holding the knife makes my heart beat faster. Tracing the patterns with my eyes, I can feel a cool shiver running along my arm. _This probably isn’t a good idea, but-_

“Woah, that’s an intense knife…” Natsuki suddenly says, snapping me out of my trance.

I look over to see that she’s staring intently at the knife in my hands. Shyly, I rotate the knife around, watching the line run up and down the blade. “Um, I hope this doesn’t sound too weird, but… uuu…”

“What is it?” Natsuki asks, shuffling slightly closer, “you can tell me.”

I raise a spool of ribbon, and slice through it cleanly. With expert precision, I tie it around one of my paper words.

“I guess you could say I’m into knives… is that strange?”

Natsuki looks upward, as if pondering the question.

“I think as long as it’s not hurting anyone, you can like whatever you want.”

“I see…”

_As_

_Long_

_As_

_It’s_

_Not_

_Hurting_

_Anyone_

_Does that include myself? I know it causes me physical pain, but is it cancelled out by the emotional relief it brings me? I understand logically that I shouldn’t be doing this, but…_

I cut through more ribbons, tying them onto new words. I was hoping that the simple act of cutting _something_ would be enough, but it’s no use; the muscles in my arm contract in time with my breathing. I was able to hold off the last few times, but on this occasion I fear I might not be able to. I slip the knife back into my pocket, and try to focus on the present moment; the words, the paper, the blank banner, the jasmine oil…

The cold knife…

_It’s okay, Yuri… deep breaths…I don’t need it, I don’t need it, I don’t need it…_

“What about this banner?” Natsuki points towards the length of cloth spread across the floor. “Shall we just paint our club name on it?”

I nod absentmindedly, not totally sure if I heard her. All I can focus on is the heavy pulses underneath my arm.

_I don’t need it… I don’t need it…_

_No. No, I’m not strong enough._

_I need it._

“I-I think that would be nice…” I stammer, standing up. “Excuse me for a moment, there’s… something I have to do…”

Natsuki shrugs, and I quickly walk up the staircase. Glancing back to make sure she didn’t follow me, I quietly slip into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I close my eyes, and quickly roll my sleeve up. _I knew I couldn’t hold out forever, but I suppose it was nice whilst it lasted…_

_I just need a little bit right now…_

I draw a terse cut along my arm. The sudden sting forces me to take a deep breath, and fills me with adrenaline. Immediately, I can feel my mind clearing, but it’s not enough.

Another slice. Another. Anoth-

Oh.

 

_Oh no._

I misjudged the pressure I was placing on my arm, and the cut is far deeper than I intended it to be. Thick, goopy blood oozes out, dripping down and covering the sink.

 

_Oh god, please, not like this. I didn’t mean to do this… I just wanted…no, no, no, no, no!_

The sense of ease is immediately replaced with fraught panic. It takes all of my energy to avoid screaming. _If Natsuki saw this…_

 

_Okay, try and think about this rationally… what do I need to do first…?_

I twist the tap around quickly, and run my arm under the stream, hoping to clean my arm at least a little bit, but it’s no use; fresh blood pools out as soon as it’s washed away.

I frantically throw open the cabinets, feverishly searching for a bandage, something, _anything_ to stop the blood, but there doesn’t seem to be anything suitable except for a dainty box of tissues next to the sink. _Don’t fail me now…_

I take several sheets, and stuff them against my arm, then pull my sleeve back down over it. With any luck, the tissues will absorb most of the blood until it starts to clot, at which point I could probably try to sneak into the kitchen to retrieve the first-aid kit.

_But if I’m gone too long, Natsuki will grow suspicious… I can’t reveal that I deliberately did this to myself…_


	34. Bitter

I grip my arm tightly, trying to keep pressure on it. All I can hope for now is that this will be enough to stifle the bleeding.

I make my way down the spiral staircase as calmly as possible, and return to the banner. Natsuki is already enthusiastically painting bright letters across the banner in a bright shade of pink. The way her brush gently glides across the banner is reminiscent of sakura petals, dreamily dancing in the spring.

“O-Oh, that’s going to look lovely…” I say, trying to bury the quivering in my voice.

Fortunately Natsuki doesn’t seem to notice, and simply grins at me. “You want to help me mix up some more colours? We could do with some purple,” she says, handing me a brush.

“Yes, that’d be nice…”

I kneel back down, and pour some red and blue paint together, allowing them to swirl together. The paint’s shifting shade is really quite relaxing… it’s wonderful how something as simple as base colours can come together and open up a new gateway to one’s soul…

_What are you doing, you fool?! You need to take care of your arm! Get up and go to the kitchen!_

_N-No… If I were to suddenly leave again, Natsuki would suspect something’s wrong, or worse, might investigate… I can’t expose her to this…_

I try to quell the argument in my own head, but I know this can’t last forever; I should tell her, and get some help…

 

_No, it’s going well so far… Natsuki’s so happy, I can’t ruin this for her… I’ll check on it again in a little while…_

 

We continue to paint the banner together. It’s… surprisingly soothing; I can feel myself forgetting about my concerns as I coat the proud cloth in regal, violet streaks. Natsuki is humming a delightful tune to herself as she doodles around the edges of the banner, adding little bits of flourish to the sides.

She stands up, placing her hands on her hips. “Wow, this looks fantastic, huh?” She exclaims, beaming. She looks very pleased with her handiwork.

“This will be wonderfully welcoming Natsuki…” I close my eyes, and smile at her.

There’s a brief moment of silence before Natsuki breaks it, catching my attention.

“Hey, uh, I think you’ve got a bit of something on your arm there…”

 

_What._

She points over to my sleeve, at an unmistakable red stain, starting to seep through.

 

_Oh no, no, no no no no nonononononononononononononono_

“A-A-Ah…Th-That’s, ummm…” I begin to stammer, panicked. My eyes dart around the room, desperately trying to latch onto anything that might resemble a reasonable excuse, but words escape me. A piercing howl starts to whistle through my ears, wrapping around my mind and constricting it, like a tight thread.

“I-I-I guess I’ll g-go and handle this… I’ll be back soon…”

Before she can protest, I find myself running back upstairs, where I was a short while ago. In my hurry, I don’t turn back to lock the door, instead pulling my sleeve back.

 

“O-Oh no…”  


A mess of smeared blood stains my skin, soaked crimson tissues latching on limply. It seems despite my best efforts, I was unable to stop it.

Frantically, I peel the bloody tissues away, discarding them in the bin, and reaching over for more. My breathing is unsteady, as my strained eyes try to will the blood away.

_This isn’t fair… I just wanted to feel a little better…_

I’m paralyzed above the sink, simply repeating the motion of reaching for a handful of tissues, holding them against my cuts, and dumping them unceremoniously away. I went too far this time; I desperately need someone to help me with this, but I know there’d be no coming back from it.

Bitter tears swirl around in my eyes before diving down into the sink. _I never meant for it to get this dire… if only I had-_

“Hey Yuri, everything okay in there? It’s been a long time…”

“Agh!” I shout out in surprise. _Oh god, she’s going to find me here like this, oh god, what do I do, what do I do, oh no oh no oh no…_

“No, I-I mean, yes! It’s fine, you don’t have to do anything!” I yell back through the door, the terror swimming through my voice.

“Do you need a hand getting the paint out?” she responds. _Oh god, this is going to ruin her…_

“I-I-I-I-“

I can’t form coherent sentences anymore. The only sounds I can make are frightened stutters and gasps. My arms are shaking erratically, as if full of enraged hornets. I can’t make myself move, even if I wanted to.

Time seems to totally stop. The only sounds are my sharp, frightened breaths, drowned out by the water gushing through the sink.

Before I can do something, _anything_ , I see the door handle turn as Natsuki gently opens it.


	35. Lachrymose

My whole body is trembling. As the door opens, I slowly turn my gaze to face Natsuki. Her face shifts immediately from placid concern to true horror.

“What the fuck are you doing, dummy?!” she shouts at me.

Hot tears start to cloud my vision. “I-I-I C-Can’t stop it…”

Whether I’m referring to the bleeding, or this habit in general I’m not certain.

“Where do you keep your first-aid kit?!”

Her expression is so intimidating. I’m reduced to mere babbling, unable to force full words out of my throat.

“Where do you keep it?!” She yells, stamping her foot on the ground. The suddenness of the act jolts me out of my daze.

“N-Next to the oven, i-in the kitchen…”

“Stay right there, I’ll be back” She calls behind her as she turns and runs out of the room. All I can do is stare at my shivering arm over the sink. _Why did I do this to myself? She was the only person who remotely showed me any interest, and I’ve ruined everything. She must despise me…_

I don’t notice her returning until she grabs me by the wrist and pulls my arm underneath the tap, I reflexively take in a sharp breath as the water runs through the deep gash.

“I’m not trying to hurt you, we just need to get all of this blood out of here, okay?” she says, her voice surprisingly level-headed. I nod, swallowing what little pride I have left.

She kneels down and pops open the latches of the first-aid kit. She pulls out a package of alcohol wipes, ripping it open with her teeth.

Looking me straight in the eyes, she holds the cloth up. “This is gonna hurt, but you’re gonna have to bear with me, okay?”

She presses the wipe against my arm. Almost instantaneously I scream; the pain is excruciating. Instinctively, I shakily reach out with my free hand and grab her own, squeezing it tightly. It helps, if only ever so slightly. I try to stop myself from shouting out again, gritting my teeth together.

After what felt like a thousand hours, she removes the wipe and rinses my arm under the water again, then gently pats it dry with a towel. Ducking back into the box, she retrieves a large spool of bandages. Unravelling it, she pulls it taut, and wraps it around my arm, covering it snugly. After securing the bandage in place with a safety pin, she raises my arm high.

“Try to keep it above your head, okay? It’s important!”

She leads me downstairs, grabbing me by my free hand and guiding me towards a settee in the living room.

“I’m gonna get you a glass of water, so just sit tight for a moment!”

I don’t respond, instead looking over the bandages around my arm. She did a remarkable job; I have no idea if she has past experience treating these kinds of injuries, but she seems to know immediately what to do.

Shortly after, she returns with a small glass of water, and quietly sits down next to me.

“I-I’m so s-sorry…” I sniffle, looking away from her. “you m-must hate me now…”

She lets out a soft, kind laugh, and places her hand on my shoulder, rubbing it slightly. “Of course I don’t hate you, dummy! Just, please… what’s going on here?”

_I suppose there’s no going back now; this is where I bare my soul to her, for better or worse._

I drop my head down, letting my thick hair envelop me. “I-I’m just full of so much anguish… the pressure is immense… it wells up inside of me…”

I hear her gasp sympathetically. I meet her gaze with my tearful eyes.

“I started doing… this…” I say, raising my bandaged arm up for emphasis, “to let out that pressure. I=I needed to feel some kind of release, b-but… then I couldn’t stop myself…”

“One cut became two, became four, became eight… with each sanguine drop exhaled, my bitter body became more frail, craving more, scraping at my mind until I could do it again…”

I shake my head. It takes all of my willpower to not break down into sobs. “You must think I’m s-such a freak… everyone looks at me if I were some gaunt horror from the depths of a fractured soul, wandering aimlessly, lost in her books and claiming to have omniscience, yet in reality knowing nothing…”

Natsuki sighs, and slides up closer to me, wrapping her arm around me and stroking my shoulder with her thumb.

“You’re my friend, Yuri. I mean, yeah, I might have thought you were kind of spooky at first and that you just wanted to do your own thing, but having gotten closer to you through the literature club… well, I’m glad you proved me wrong.”

I look back at her. She’s wearing a sad smile, her brow furrowed.

“Y-You’ve been through so much, even just today… and yet you can still find it in yourself to try and look after me…”

She grins. “Well, _Someone_ has to take charge around here!”

“A-Are you sure you don’t hate me…?”

She nods. “I’m positive. I might not have said it a couple of weeks ago, but I’m really glad I’ve gotten to know you a bit better, Yuri.”

I let out a long breath, as if exhaling all of my sorrow. “I-I’ve never shown this side of myself to anyone… it has been my burden to bear for so long…”

_Ever since that day several years ago, where my parents…_

Natsuki pulls away from me and stands up. “I’m happy that you felt you could trust me with this… but you’ve gotta stop this, okay?”

I look through her with a thousand-metre stare. “I-I’m not sure I can…”

Natsuki tries to match my eye level, awkwardly shifting her stance around. “I’ll do whatever I can to help you okay? And I’m sure everyone else in the club would-“

“NO!” I bolt upright, fear evident in my voice. “Please, I beg you, don’t tell them about this!”

_If word of this reached Monika, or Emery, or sweet, innocent Sayori… it would never be the same. Perhaps sometime in the future I’ll feel ready to tell them, but they can’t know right now._

“Hey, relax, I’d never do that to you!” Natsuki tries to reassure me, waving her hands around. “I’m just saying that if you felt comfortable, I’m sure they’d be understanding. But first, before we do anything else…”

She hold her hand out towards me. _I think I know what she wants…_

I slowly reach into my pocket, and pull out the slender knife. With quivering fingers, I drop it into her hand, her fist closing around it.

“Thank you for letting me help you, Yuri.” Natsuki looks up at me, placing a hand on her hips. “Now, how about we get back to that banner.”

I wipe a tear from my eye, smiling genuinely for the first time in what feels like eons. “You’re really much sweeter than you let on, aren’t you…?”

Her face flushes a soft pink, and she folds her arms. “H-Hey, don’t make it weird! Do you want to get this done or not?”  


I chuckle quietly to myself. “Okay…”


	36. Memories

The two of us return to the banner. As Natsuki finishes drawing the characters along it, I find myself inattentively doodling along the edges of the banner, painting delicate, abstract patterns. As Natsuki completes the last character, she stands up to admire her work.

“There! Not bad, huh?”

“Hm.” I don’t look up at her, instead staring off of to the side. She sits back down, as if to say something, but I cut her off.

 

_…Oh my goodness, I swear that wasn’t a pun. I-I’m sorry…_

 

My fingers search through my hair until they find a delicate purple clip, and I slide it up and down. “Can I…ask you a question?”

“Eh?” She cocks her head at me curiously. “What’s up?”

“Why did you join the literature club?

 

Natsuki looks away for a moment, before eventually responding with a clear, determined voice. “I guess I just really wanted to find a place where I belonged. I’ve always had a rough time finding somewhere I could feel _wanted_ , y’know? Even my home wasn’t safe. But…”

She raises her head, and looks directly into my eyes, a gentle grin forming on her face. “I think I’ve finally found that place.”

“I’m happy to hear that…” I smile back at her plaintively.

“Well, I shared, so it’s only fair for you to share too, right? What made you join?”

“I suppose in many ways, for the same reasons you did,” I sigh. “The only friends I really had growing up were those in my books… they were never mean to me, they would never disagree with me, and they wouldn’t judge me for my interests… my books would always be there for me…”

“I think I know what you mean,” Natsuki says quietly.

“I remember in middle school one day…” I say, looking down at the ground, as if to steel myself for the retelling of these past events…

 

…

 

[ _Six years ago…_ ]

Today’s a big day for me; Well, I suppose it’d be more accurate to say it’s a big day for my parents. It’s my mother’s birthday today, so after I finish school today we’re all going to go out and celebrate!

I usually liked low-key things, such as simply going for walks through the park, but I knew my father had been planning this occasion for a long time; I’ll try my best to come out of my shell for them!

 

The gift I had for my mother was a small, glazed vase; I’d made it during my art classes. Along its face, I had inscribed her favourite haiku:

_Plum Blossoms in snow,_

_Soon they shall wither and fall,_

_Even if it melts._

 

I like to think it symbolizes how precious those around us are, and how we need to hold onto those careful moments. I know tonight will be such a moment.

I skip down the staircase, and greet my mother, who’s carefully slicing a mango. Hearing me, she turns around and offers me a slice.

“Good morning, my little teacake!” She beams

“Happy birthday, Mother!” I laugh, accepting the mango and hugging her. “I hope you’re excited about tonight! I have a special gift for you!”

“Is that so?” She smiles. “Well, don’t spoil the surprise; I’m sure no matter what it is, I’ll love it.”

I quickly eat the mango; it’s delectably sweet and juicy, the flavour rolling around my tongue like a playful kitten.

The clock chimes. She turns to face me, still smiling. “I think it’s about time for you to head to school. I’ll pick you up afterwards, okay?”

“Okay! I love you, mother!” I nod enthusiastically.

“I love you too, teacake,” She laughs softly to herself.

 

I wave back to her, and walk to school. Even though I’m by myself every day, I don’t mind; it gives me some time to get my thoughts in order before lessons start. The walk is pleasant; there are tall, welcoming trees all around me, swaying delicately in the light breeze. Their leaves ripple happily, as though cheering me on. Every day, they give me the motivation to continue, and I’m grateful for them.

Soon, I arrive at school, and make my way to my first class. Although other students are busily gossiping with each other, I don’t really fit in with anyone… but it’s okay, because I know my parents love me, and I can always feel satisfied with my books! Stories are always there for me!

 

…

 

Morning classes seem to breeze by; It’s difficult to contain my excitement for this evening. I know my mother is going to love my vase! She loves lavender, so I wanted to give her something meaningful related to that. Whenever she changes the flowers, she can see her favourite poem, and be reminded of this special day.

As I’m slotting my books back into my bag, someone tall but otherwise plain suddenly opens the door, and makes his way towards me. His expression is grim; wide eyes with narrowed pupils, and his lips thin. He kneels down next to me, and runs a hand through his hair.

“Yuri?” He asks, as if to confirm my identity. I nod, and he sighs, looking away. “Would you like to come with me for a moment? There’s something I… There’s something I have to tell you…”

I raise my eyebrow, and get up from my desk. He leads me out of the classroom, and down the corridor to a small room. He flicks on the lights, and gestures towards a plush red sofa resting along the wall. I sit carefully on the edge of it, placing my bag gently beside me.

“I’ll be right back… wait here, alright?”

He quickly leaves the room, and returns with a small glass of water. Handing it to me, he shuts the door, and pulls a chair forward to sit across from me.

“Excuse me,” I ask, raising my hand, “Could you please tell me what’s going on?”

He rests his head in his hand, massaging his temples. “Yuri… I’m deeply sorry you need to find out about it this way, but… Something happened.”


	37. Lament

I look up at the man curiously. “Something happened…?”

 

“Yes… There’s been an awful accident…”

I could feel my heart stopping completely. He sighs, choosing his words carefully.

“Your parents were involved in a car crash. It pains me greatly to have to be the one to tell you this, but… there were no survivors.”

My eyes became frosted glass, constricting tightly before shattering, allowing shiny shards to tumble down. “W-What…?”

The man continued to speak, but I couldn’t hear him; All I could focus on was the boiling blood crashing through my eardrums, thrusting otherworldly chains around my heart, ripping through it with each breath.

I stand up, and the world begins to spin around me. The man places his arms out, but I ignore him, instead throwing the door open and running through the corridor. The painful pounding continues as I wind and twist through an infinite amount of hallways until my body stops at the other end of the large building. Without sound, I fall against the wall, and slide down to the grown. I wrap my arms around my knees, hugging them tightly.

_My parents… just this morning, I was hugging my mother… we were supposed to have a wonderful time this evening with father… but… now they’re…_

The scalding tears escape from my eyelids; I can no longer stop them. I duck my head into my knees, curled up tightly. My long hair falls across my face, obscuring me as I lay on the ground weeping.

_This has to be a cruel joke, right…? They can’t leave me all alone… they’re all I have… please don’t go…_

The world starts to crackle around me, as I can feel sharp waves of dizziness assailing my soul. With every one, I try to call out to my mother, to my father, but no one responds.

 

They’re gone.

 

I try to stand up, but all I can see are polka-dots and static, hissing threateningly. The only thing I remember next is a feeling of weightlessness…

 

…

 

_Huh…? What happened?_

I lift myself off of the ground, and rub my eyes. My sleeve is soaked, and I feel completely drained.

“…H-Hello…?” I call out quietly, to no one in particular. I don’t receive a response.

I timidly look around, and spot a clock on the wall up high. I don’t know how long I’ve been here, but it’s three hours past the time classes would normally end.

_No-one even looked for me…_

Wiping my face on my sleeve again, I stumble through the hallways, trying to find another person. Eventually, I come across the art room. I look down the hallway, and then quietly enter the room.

There’s a stagnant smell of dried paint and cracked clay floating in the room. On the other side, I can see the vase I had made for my mother. I was going to put the finishing touches on it, then present it to her after school finished. Looking at it sitting on the table alone, totally oblivious to the circumstances…

_This feeling… what do I do to stop it…? HOW CAN I STOP IT?!_

I fall to my knees, my body wracked with aching, heavy sobs. In the span of a day I’d gone from expecting one of the happiest times in my life to losing everything. The intense emotional pressure frothed under my skin. _How do I let this pressure out?!_

I look up, and see a small box balancing delicately on a shelf inside the supply cupboard. I pull myself up, and drift towards it. My curiosity getting the better of me, I reach up to grab the box.

Inside are various craft knifes; the kind you’d use to cut paper with. I set the box down on a nearby table, and pull out a single knife. There’s nothing particularly eye-catching about it; it’s not too long when folded back, and is a simple, dull silver.

I flick open the knife, hearing a satisfying _click!_ as the blade appears. _What am I… What am I about to do…_

Knife in hand, I slowly drift towards my other arm, rolling my sleeve up. The knife hovers just above my wrist for several minutes. I take a deep breath, and make a small, quick cut.

_Wait… what did I just do… and why… why does it feel so relieving…?_

The tiny slice above my wrist stings, but… the physical pain seems to diffuse my unforgiving emotions. I make another careful cut, slightly longer than the first. As the knife pierces my skin, my breathing slows down. With less hesitation, I do it again. And again. And again.

This release is… it’s intoxicating. It was as if I’d been suffocating, and each cut was giving me oxygen. In the chaotic prison of my mind, bombarded with my deafening thoughts, the sight of my blood was… comforting. It grounded me in the present, rather than losing myself to my imagination.

Suddenly, I gasp out, dropping the knife. It clatters against the tiled floor unceremoniously.

“What have I done…” I say to myself, shivering.

_This isn’t right. I shouldn’t be doing this. This isn’t a healthy way to cope with these feelings._

_But then…why does it feel so good…?_

 

Before I can stop to pick up the knife again, I pull my sleeve back over my arm, and quickly leave the classroom.

My world had fallen around me in ashes; what would life be like for me now…?

 

…

 

[ _Present Day_ ]

Natsuki simply listens quietly as I reveal this dark secret. As I finish my story, I shake my head.

“My parents… if they knew about this, I’m sure they would have loved to help me…”

 

Natsuki seems to be mentally connecting the dots, her eyes tracing the details I’d recounted to her invisibly. After a few moments, she steps towards the front door, and extends her hand out towards it.

“Hey, do you want to get out of here for a little bit?”

I stand up, combing my hair out of my eyes. “I… I think that might be a good idea… W-Would it be okay if I changed out of this jumper first though?”

Natsuki looks down at her own clothes. “Oh. Yeah that’s fine! I think I might have to as well anyway…”

 

I head towards the staircase, but suddenly turn back to Natsuki.

“Hey…” I say softly, “I-If I’m more than ten minutes… will you… check on me…?”

 

She meets my gaze, and nods knowingly. I think she understands what I’m asking of her.

“I’ll see you in a few moments then…”


	38. Soothing

I exchange my jumper for a simple T-shirt with a thin navy-blue hoodie over it, the zip open. I want to be able to feel the refreshing air against my body; hopefully it will bring some order back to this dysfunctional day.

When I return downstairs, Natsuki is already waiting for me. She’s wearing a mint coloured shirt, complimented by a simple pair of shorts. A loose beanie balances on top of her head, flopping about playfully whenever she moves.

“Ready to go?” She says, gesturing towards the door. I nod, and she opens it.

 

The two of us walk along the road towards downtown, the loose ground gently clapping with each step. My slow, long strides are matched by Natsuki’s somewhat faster pace, as she tries to keep up with me.

As we continue our wandering, we pass by a small café. Natsuki lightly taps me on the shoulder, and jerks her thumb towards it. “Let’s stop in here for a bit, okay?”

I nod, and follow her inside. As to be expected on a weekend, the venue is completely filled, save for a table near the back. The two of us quickly weave through the crowd of people, and slide into our seats.

I can’t help but look around; each table has a group of four or so people around our age. It’d make sense that students would be out; after all, this is the last Friday before the festival. Students aren’t required to attend school today, to try and relieve stress surrounding festival preparations.

Soon enough, we’re greeted by someone who asks for our drink orders. Natsuki confidently asks for a tall glass of strawberry milk; an adorably fitting drink for her. I decide on a warm cup of green tea. When they arrive, Natsuki enthusiastically drinks from her glass, her delight sparkling in her eyes. My tea is bitter, but not discouragingly so; it’s grounding, and calms my mind. Alongside it are two delicate mochi, sitting patiently next to each other.

I sip from my tea, sighing. “I-I wish I wasn’t so scary…” I mumble to myself, but Natsuki raises an eyebrow at me. “O-Oh! Sorry, I was just thinking out loud…”

She takes another gulp from her glass. “What makes you think you’re scary?”

I shift slightly in my seat. “I’ve always kept to myself and had an interest in the occult… even the other day, Emery told me that he fears my opinion of his poems…”

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it like that,” She says, tilting her head to the side, “He just kind of says what’s on his mind in basic terms, you know?”

“I’m still worried about alienating everyone in the club… I know the subjects of my poetry are usually much darker than everyone else’s, but… that’s all I know. I must be so intimidating…”  


I place my teacup down, and take a small bite out of the mochi. It’s reassuringly chewy, and incredibly sweet.

“I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing…” Natsuki says, taking another sip of her drink, “If everything’s sunshine and rainbows all the time, it wouldn’t mean anything. Sometimes we need to look at those sad sorts of things, as they can remind us that we’re here, and we’re trying. That’s all we really need to worry about; I think as long as you’re making an effort, you shouldn’t feel bad about yourself.”

 

_That… was genuinely impressive. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her speak so articulately and supportively before…_

 

“Speaking of sunshine and rainbows… have you heard anything more from Sayori?”

Natsuki ponders for a moment. “I think she’ll be okay. Whatever’s getting to her, I’m sure it’ll work out; Emery said he was gonna check on her, so she won’t be by herself.”

“I suppose that’s true…I’m just a bit worried about her…” I say, staring emptily past her. “Seeing her be so happy one moment, and then so sad in almost an instant… it’s quite unsettling…”

“Yeah, but she’s tough; I’m sure she’ll make it through.”

 

We finish our drinks in relative silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. Natsuki pays for the both of us, and we leave.

 

“D-Do you mind if we just walk around a bit…?” I ask nervously, twirling a finger around in my hair. If I ‘m being totally honest with myself, I’m enjoying this time outside… I don’t really want it to end yet.

Natsuki silently nods, and walks alongside me. We slowly stroll down the street, not really paying attention to where we’re going.

“Um… I know this is sort of s-sudden, but…” I start to say, “thank you for what you’ve done for me today… I… can’t remember the last time I did something like this…”

Natsuki cocks her head at me. “But you have tea all the time, right?”

I laugh softly. “N-No, I meant, just spending time with you… No one’s ever really cared to see me happy, but you…” I close my eyes, smiling, “you’ve been so good to me… most people would run away if they had seen what happened earlier, but you helped me…”

 

This feeling of having someone care for me… it was almost foreign. My parents were both very supportive of me, but after they’d left, I essentially forgot what that feeling was like. Today, Natsuki helped me remember…

She blushes slightly, turning her head away. “W-Well, y’know, _someone_ has to look out for you…”

_The way she playfully tries to make excuses like that… I don’t know why, but it’s strangely endearing…_

Eventually, we find ourselves at the very edge of town, standing in front of the beach. Natsuki’s eyes light up, and she runs close to the shoreline. I slowly follow her, standing by her side. The salty air picked up by the waves pulls my hair back, gently tousling it.

_This is wonderful… I wish this moment could last forever…_


	39. I flicker back

Natsuki and I stand close to the ocean, watching the waves gently lapping at the shore.

I turn to face her. “Why did you want us to write about the beach the other day?”

Natsuki grins. “Duh! The beach is awesome! Listen!”

She leans towards the waves, cupping her hand to her ear. The sea delicately rolls around, creating comforting lullabies.

“Whilst I do agree that the waves have a dulcet voice, there must be some other reason, right?”

She shuffles around slightly, digging her heel into the ground. “W-Well… can you think of anything bad about this place?”

I look up. The calming breeze seems to lift my mind away from deep-seated feelings of worry and regret, and carries it around in twinkling fantasies. Unable to think of anything unlikable, I shake my head.

“Growing up, the beach was one of the few places I could get away from Him… I don’t really have to worry about that sort of stuff down here, y’know?”

Natsuki has witnessed things no one should have to see. Whilst it’s for different reasons, I understand what she’s referring to; everyone should have a place that’s reserved for themselves, a secret hollow where one can let their thoughts swirl loosely and unguarded. I’m humbled that Natsuki would share this place with me; it must be deeply important to her.

  
“I really did enjoy your poem, you know…” I say quietly.

“O-Of course you did!” Natsuki stammers, scratching the back of her head, “After all, I-I’m the best, so…”

I try to show her a warm smile. “I appreciate that you trust me enough to be vulnerable around me…”

“E-Eh?!” She says, jumping slightly, “Wh-What are you saying?!”

_Why did I do that? She was trying to do something nice, and I made it awkward…_

“O-Oh, I was just trying to… uuuuuu…”  


The air is thick with tension. Natsuki clears her throat, trying to salvage things.

“D-Do you think we should start heading out? It’s starting to get a bit chilly…”

She starts to walk back up the beach. _Where will she go? Is she worried about overstaying her welcome? I really don’t want her going back to her home…_

“H-Hold it!” I shout, holding my hand out towards her. She turns around quickly.

“Um… I really don’t want you going back to… with your…um, if you’d like, you can stay in the guest room as long as you want…”

I swallow, thinking back to earlier. “A-And, I don’t really want to trust myself to be alone right now…”  


 

A beat.

 

_Why isn’t she saying anything? Did I cross the line again? I really hope that didn’t come off as creepy or anything…_

 

I hide my face in my hands, and rub my leg with my foot nervously. “I-I’m sorry, that must sound s-so weird…”

 

Natsuki stands still for a moment before finally laughing. I peek through my fingers to see her grinning.

“It’s okay, dummy… I’d like that.”

 

…

 

It’s somewhat late by the time we arrive back at my house. I slot my key into the front door, and slowly open it up. As if on cue, Mango runs up to me, calling out loudly. I can’t help but laugh, and scoop her up into my arms. She purrs contentedly, her eyes closed as she nuzzles against me with the top of her head. I truly am grateful to have her with me; even when I can’t stand myself, she’ll try to lift my spirits. It’s also quite lovely to have someone waiting for you when you get home, even if most of the time she just wants food and sleep.

“I think I’m gonna turn in for the night,” Natsuki yawns, stretching her arms above her head.

“Oh, o-okay then… good night…”

 

She sleepily makes her way up the staircase, and closes the door to the guest room. I place mango down on the floor, and also go upstairs.

Before I go to bed, there’s something I want to take care of. I pick up my phone, and scroll through the contacts before finding Sayori’s name. Talking with Natsuki earlier was supposed to reassure me that she’d be fine, but I can’t shake the feeling that something terrible might happen if she doesn’t have an opportunity to talk about what might be bothering her. Even if Emery said he’d check in on her, I want to make sure for myself she’s feeling supported. And at the end of the day, there’s nothing wrong with letting her know I’m here for her, right?

I carefully tap out a text message, and send it to her.

“ _[Hello Sayori. Do you have a moment?]_ ”

After a few moments, my phone chimes in response.

“[ _Hey Yuri! :] What’s up?_ ]”

I don’t know why, but I’m suddenly very conscious of my word choice, as though one small slip could make things crumble apart.

_It’s just Sayori… don’t overthink things, she’s probably fine, you just want to hang out with her for a little while…_

“[ _I understand if you’re busy with the festival, but would you like to meet up tomorrow?_ ]”

“[ _Ooh, that sounds like fun! I can always make time for my friends! What did you have in mind?_ ]”

I pause for a minute. I’m honestly not sure what to suggest; I wish I knew Sayori better…

“[ _Well, there’s a nice park not too far from here… would you like to meet up there?_ ]”

“[ _That sounds super! I’ll see you there tomorrow, like 10ish?_ ]”

“[ _Perfect. I’ll see you then!_ ]”

 

Sighing, I place my phone down on my bedside table. Who knew planning social occasions could be so stressful?

…Well, I mean, I already knew that… but, you… you know what I’m saying, right?

Still, I’m glad I was able to ask her. It will be good to get out of the house for a bit, and hopefully I can learn a little more about Sayori in the process. She really is quite a puzzle; Most of the time she seems to not have a care in the world, but something about her demeanor yesterday was jarring…

I suppose at the very least this will give me an opportunity to properly thank her for helping me out earlier in the week from those wicked girls who stole my book. If nothing else, I can try to show her a good time.

_I’ll see you tomorrow, Sayori…_


	40. Ohayo, Sayori!

I wake up a couple of hours before Natsuki again. _I should let her sleep; yesterday was probably exhausting for her._

Today, I’m going to be meeting up with Sayori. I’m hoping she’ll be willing to talk about her uncharacteristic mood, but I can’t really force her; all I can do is show that if she wants someone to help her, I’m able to.

Before I leave, I tap out a quick message to Natsuki; she might get nervous to wake up and find out she’s alone.

“[ _Hello. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve gone to check on Sayori, so I probably won’t be home when you wake up_.]”

Satisfied, I start to get myself ready for the day; I don’t want to be late.

 

…

 

As I was expecting, I arrive at the park before Sayori. The weather is pleasant; not blazingly hot, but not frigid either. There aren’t many other people around, but I’m not complaining.

_Should I give Sayori a call? Is that too formal? Or would I be bothering her too much? Maybe I should just wait a little longer for her…_

I fiddle with the cuffs of my shirt slightly. It’s not too much past when we’d agreed to meet each other, but I-

“Haha! Here I am!”

Out of nowhere, I feel someone hugging me tightly from behind. The suddenness of the gesture makes me jump, shouting out in shock. I turn my head around frantically, trying to get a look at the mystery person.

“O-Oh… It’s just you, Sayori…”

Sayori releases me, and flashes me a wide grin. “Hey, Yuri! I’m sorry, I just saw you there and I thought it’d be kinda funny!”

She playfully sways side to side, looking back at me with her large, cerulean eyes. She’s wearing a pair of simple shorts, and a baby blue t-shirt displaying a graphic of a cookie holding hands with a carton of milk. Directly above them is the phrase “BFFs!” in whimsical lettering.

 

“I-Is that so…” I smile nervously. I knew that Sayori was always full of pep, but I didn’t think she’d be _this_ energetic.

 

She looks around, and stops when she sees a small hut on the edge of the park. A large banner advertising sweets is unfurled along the top, depicting a grinning tyrannosaurus wearing sunglasses and holding an ice cream cone. Sayori gasps, and points out towards it.

“Yuri, Yuri! Can we go and get ice cream? They have ice cream over there!”  


“Do you have enough money to get yourself a snack this time?” I chuckle softly.

 

“Hey! Don’t be a meanie, of course I do!” she pouts playfully, and starts to skip towards the ice cream stand. She purchases a scoop of vanilla bean Ice cream in a hand-made waffle cone, and I choose a small cup of mango sorbet. The frosty texture compliments the tart flavour; it feels as though tiny snowdrops are rolling across my tongue, tickling each individual taste bud. Sayori happily licks at her ice cream, and the two of us start to wander around slowly.

“So, um…” I ask, trying to start conversation, “how has your festival prep been going?”

“Oh, it’s been so much fun! Emery came over and helped out a little bit too, so it wasn’t too overwhelming. But I got to use so many fun colours!”

“Yes… you were helping design the pamphlets, weren’t you?”

Sayori nods enthusiastically. “Mhmm! Monika’s handling all the wording and such, but I’ve been doing all the graphical stuff. You’re going to love what I’ve come up with!”

She tilts her head to the side, winking at me. She looks happy, but I can’t shake the feeling that she’s hiding something…

Before I can press it, she turns to me. “How’ve things been going with Natsuki? Nothing too crazy going on?”

I recall the events of yesterday; Her methodical brush strokes against the cloth, the gnawing feeling in my skin, the panic in her eyes when she found me…

The soothing breeze, the warm tea, the calmed hearts beating in unison along the shoreline…

_I shouldn’t tell her about… what I did to myself… she’s so sweet and innocent, that would ruin her…_

I clear my throat. “I-I guess you could say that… we’ve mostly just concentrated on the atmospheric pieces so far…”

“I can’t wait to see what you’ve cooked up together! I always knew the two of you would click once you got to know each other a bit better!”

“Wh-What?!” I cough at the directness of her statement.

“And Emery seems to like you guys a lot too! He talks about you all a lot!”

She takes a deep breath, looking up towards the sky. “It makes me so happy that he’s getting to know other people…”

It’s barely noticeable, but she flinches slightly as she finishes her sentence.

“H-Hey, Sayori… there’s something I’d been meaning to ask you…”  


She blinks in confusion. “Eh? What is it?”

This is sort of a delicate question; I need to be sure to frame it properly.

“I was just wondering if you were feeling any better since Thursday… you’re usually so full of happiness, but you… well, you didn’t seem to be yourself…”

For a second, the sparkle in her eyes vanishes, but it quickly reappears. She closes her eyes, and smiles at me.

“You don’t need to worry about that. You need to take care of yourself too, you know?”

“W-Well, yes, but…”

I fidget awkwardly, tapping the bottom of my sorbet cup with my spoon. “It’s okay to feel upset sometimes… it’s what gives meaning to the happier times in our lives. And if there’s something on your mind, I want to help you…”

Sayori laughs nervously, looking away from me. “It’s okay, silly! There was just a little raincloud hovering around the other day, but I’m okay now. I’m sorry you had to see that, eheh…”

“You don’t need to apologize for feeling, Sayori… if anything, I think allowing yourself to be vulnerable at times is a sign of strength…”

She stops walking for a moment. “I don’t want to bring any of you down with my silly problems. You all deserve to be happy…”

“Well, you do as well, don’t you?”

She sighs, then turns to smile at me. “if everyone else can be happy, then I’m happy. It doesn’t really matter what I’m feeling; If I can put a smile on your face, then I’m doing my job!”

 

I know that was supposed to sound reassuring, but…

 

Sayori gestures in front of her. “Come on over here, there’s something I want to show you.”

 

_Just what is going on in your head, Sayori…?_


	41. Reminiscence

Sayori leads me down a side trail through the trees at the edge of the park, It’s slightly worn away by natural foot-traffic, but there’s still enough grass around to suggest it’s not a path that’s often taken.

“It’s not too far from here now!” She calls back at me over her shoulder, and sprints up a steep hillside. I follow her up more carefully, and she helps me over a small fence. Grinning, she puts an arm around my shoulder and holds her hand out.

Somehow, there’s another path that continues further down, but leads into a spacious natural clearing in the forest. Various tall trees have long branches that swoop down, providing the illusion of furniture. At the far end of the clearing is a rickety tree house, the wood pale with age. Disorderly planks are nailed into the tree, forming a makeshift ladder.

“What do you think?” Sayori says.

“It certainly has a… charm to it… but what exactly am I looking at?”

_Oh goodness, that was a bit too direct._

“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean-“

Sayori simply waves a hand at me, taking a few steps down the path. “It’s okay! This is a very special place to me, so you’ve got to promise me you won’t show anyone else, okay?”

I nod.

“Okay, so this place was kind of like my ‘hideout’ when I was younger. Emery and I used to come down here often to play when we were kids, but recently I guess I’ve just been dropping in to look back at those times.”

“Like over there,” she points up at the treehouse, “that was like the secret HQ! We built it with his dad one time, and we’d go up there to survey our territory.”

 

I imagine a young Sayori running around, playfully waving a ribbon around in the air as she chases after a young Emery. The two are innocently giggling, seeming to have no cares in the world.

“That sounds wonderful… but I must ask, why did you bring me here?”

Sayori sighs, and stares ahead of her at nothing in particular. “Do you ever miss being a kid sometimes, Yuri?”

“I…I suppose I do in some ways…” I say softly. Whilst I don’t really find myself yearning to be a child again, I do sometimes wish I could have that sense of easiness and company. Whilst I didn’t really have much in the way of friends growing up, I at the very least still had my parents.

“I wish things could be the way they’d always been…” she thinks out loud.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“I…” she starts to say something, but shakes her head. “It’s okay, I almost let something slip there. Ehehe…”

I raise my eyebrow at her. “Did something happen with Emery? Is he still helping you prepare for the festival?”

“Eh… Never mind that. He’s having a good time with the club. I just hope I’m not stopping him from getting to know everyone else better…” She smiles at me, but her eyes are dull and listless.

“Sayori, I don’t think you need to worry about that… I think he’s just most comfortable around you since you’ve been friends for so long. It’s natural for people to find comfort in what’s familiar.”

“But what if he wants to be friends with you all as well? Everyone in the club has so many wonderful traits, and I… I don’t want to be selfish… He deserves to be happy…”

The tone of this conversation is quite jarring, coming from Sayori. I awkwardly place my hand on her shoulder in an attempt to convey that I’m listening to her.

“I think he’s happiest around you though…”

“But why…” she barely whispers, looking down at her feet.

“Forgive me if this is a bit blunt, but… a-are you sure you’re feeling alright?”

Sayori takes a deep breath, puffing her chest out. “Yeah… I think things will be okay soon…”

“A-Anyway!” She claps her hands, and suddenly looks much happier, “I don’t want to drag you down! I’m really glad you invited me out today, Yuri!”

_Even if she took charge of most of the day, I still enjoyed myself._

“I’m glad too.”

 

…

 

As we made our way back to Sayori’s house, I kept examining the things she’d said earlier in my head. She seemed to be alright, but there’s clearly something weighing her down that she’s not telling me.

“Well, this is me!” Sayori stops, and drifts towards the gate to her house.

“Thank you for coming out with me today, especially on such short notice.” I say politely. “I’ll see you on Monday at the festival, right?”

She tilts her head to the side, closing her eyes. “Goodbye, Yuri!” she says with a smile before slipping through the gate.

_Wait… ‘goodbye’…? Isn’t that a bit… final?_

_No… I’m probably overthinking things again…_

…

 

I arrive home after a short walk, and slowly open the front door. It occurs to me that I might not be the only person home, for the first time in years.

“… _T-Tadaima_ …” I call out nervously.

 

A few seconds later, I hear a voice call “ _Okaerinasai_!”from the living room. It makes me feel happy and… safe. This warm feeling… I haven’t have that phrase spoken to me for so long…

I follow the voice to find Natsuki sitting cross-legged on the settee, intently playing with a small Video game console.

“Hey there, Yuri! How’d things go with Sayori?” She asks, not looking up from her game.

“I suppose things went alright… Although I didn’t really get too much in the way of clarification, I think she’s just having a little bit of a difficult time.”

“And you said you’d be there for her if she needed you?”

“Y-Yes… I know Emery is spending a lot of time around her as well, so I suppose he’d notice if anything’s happening out of the ordinary.”

“Then I guess we should try to not worry so much, right? If you thought she was doing okay, then there’s not much more we can do.”

“I suppose that’s true…” I say. _I just hope she actually_ is _alright…_

“Oh hey, I meant to tell you earlier. Monika wants us to write totally new poems for the recital.”

“Really?” I gasp. Although the prospect of having to perform something unfamiliar is a bit troublesome, the opportunity to write about my experiences this week sounds wonderful.

“Then… I’ll do my best!”

I climb the winding staircase, and head over to my room. Pulling out my notebook, I sit down at my desk.

_Where should I begin…_


	42. Musings

Flopping open my notebook, I gently press my pen against the paper. _This shouldn’t be too difficult; I’ve got a lot to draw inspiration from._

I tap my pen against the page in thought. Every time I’m about to write down a word, I find myself hesitating, as if I’m not starting the piece properly.

_Hmm… this might be more difficult than I had initially anticipated…_

I lean back in my chair, resting my head on it.

_What kind of poem would not only be suitable to perform, but also able to capture the raw emotions invoked through words?_

Eventually, it comes to me; rather than writing about what happened this week, I can write about how those events made me feel. This prompt is perfect for me; I can slip hidden meanings between the stanzas, captivating those around me in a whirlwind of sensation.

I begin writing. I can feel each letter as it leaves my pen, my unfiltered feelings flowing from my fingertips. This is the ultimate test of writing style I have nurtured through my previous poems. Each metaphor depicts a new vision, pulling the audience into the piece.

After some time, I place my pen down on my desk, and raise the page up in front of me. I’m actually quite pleased with this piece; I think I’ve adequately managed to express myself without compromising my preferred writing style. It would definitely be impressive to hear it read aloud; whether or not I will be able to deliver such a performance is yet to be seen.

Glancing out of the window, I can see the delicate stars glistening in the expansive night’s sky. Even though in the grand scheme of things not much time has passed, it feels as if I’ve been whisked through several thousand volumes of all genres of novel. There have been trying times and dark, desperate times; but there have also been wonderful moments, filled with joy, filled with hope, filled with kindness.

The time I’ve spent with Natsuki has made me think about things in a different light, but I’m thankful for that. We were both able to help each other in our darkest hours; I am truly grateful that I’m able to call her my friend.

I read over my poem again one last time before slipping it back into my notebook, and placing it back into my bag.

_Tomorrow’s going to be a busy day; I should try to get some sleep…_

_…_

Once again, I wake up before Natsuki. I make my way down to the living room and settle down into the settee, waiting for her. Within minutes, Mango runs into the room and hops up onto my lap. I gently scratch under her chin, eliciting a soft purr.

Mango’s still relatively young; I welcomed her into my home two years ago, when I was sixteen. As I was walking home from school one day, I passed by a house that had a simple, handwritten sign advertising that their cat had recently given birth to a new litter of kittens. I’d read that having a pet could help with feelings of loneliness, and I had the resources available to care for one, so I slowly walked up to the door and knocked. A short, beaming woman opened the door, and heartily beckoned me inside when I brought up the sign.

As I entered the house, a tiny kitten scampered up towards me, meowing loudly. It was purring loudly, rubbing up against my legs. The level of affection she showed towards me was stunning; I’d never seen anything like it. I was smitten with her immediately, and ended up taking her home.

She adjusted to her new habitat fairly quickly, exploring every possible space she could. It’s been wonderful having her around the house; even if I’ve still felt incredibly lonely growing up, I can’t deny that she has helped me cope with things. Without expecting anything from me, she has always been glad to see me, and seems to genuinely enjoy my company.

I lose track of time, simply resting with Mango on my lap. Feeling her gentle warmth and soft purring is incredibly soothing…

I’m not sure how long I spend on the settee with her, but I’m brought back to the world by Natsuki hopping down the stairs.

“’Sup?” she says confidently, her hand resting on her hip.

“Good morning! You look full of determination today!” I laugh softly.

“Yeah, because today I’m going to introduce you to the wonderful world of baking!”

She stands as tall as she can with her legs apart, pointing forward in a pose that I can only describe as ‘anime-esque’. After a brief moment she pulls herself back nervously, as if she didn’t mean to appear so enthusiastic.

“I-I mean, it’s Sunday, so we should make some cupcakes for the festival…”

“That sounds like a nice idea, but I’m not sure I have the ingredients here…”

I look off to the side. I know cupcakes need sugar and eggs, but I used up everything I had earlier in the week.

Natsuki saunters over to me, grinning. “Well, I guess that just means we’ll have to go and get some!”

 


	43. Violet Cupcakes

We return from the shops with all of the necessary supplies. The entire journey home, Natsuki could barely contain her excitement; it’s clear that this is something she’s really been looking forward to.

“Alright!” she exclaims, clapping her hands together. “Are you ready to see how a pro does things?”

She cracks her knuckles, and immediately begins. She preheats the oven, washes her hands, and then dumps some sugar and butter into a large bowl. With vigor, she works the two together with her fingers. She’s surprisingly strong, making quick work of it. She reaches over for a whisk, cracks an egg into the bowl, and starts mixing it together.

“Hey Yuri,” She calls to me over her shoulder, “do you want to get started on the icing?”

“O-Oh, of course!”

_Right… Icing… how do you make that…?_

Truth be told, I’ve never really done much in the way of baking; most of my cooking experience comes from dishes more appropriate for a meal as opposed to a sweet treat.

I reach over for a bag of confectioner’s sugar, and open it up. _This is probably the base ingredient, but what goes in next…? Water? Milk? How much do I add?_

“uuu… what do I do with this…” I wonder out loud. I hear Natsuki place down her bowl, and she walks over to me.

“Geez, you’re lucky you have me here to show you!” she says, presenting me with a measuring cup and a couple of spoons. “Look, just measure out three cups of the sugar, and beat it together with a third of a cup of butter. Then, you’ll want to add one and a half teaspoons of vanilla, and two tablespoons of milk.”

Right, I suppose that sounds simple enough…

 

Natsuki cracks another egg into her bowl, and resumes whisking. “Whatever you do, _don’t_ mix those spoons up, or else we’re just gonna have a goopy mess!”

 

“O-Okay…” I stutter, and begin measuring out the ingredients. I’d never thought about it before, but I suppose ratios in baking are incredibly important; if there’s more or less of a certain ingredient, things will start to fall apart rather quickly. I do know that Vanilla extract is made with ethanol though, so I should be careful not to add too much; I wouldn’t want to get anyone drunk.

Once everything is carefully in the bowl, I take a wooden spoon and stir it together. However, no matter what I do, the consistency doesn’t seem to change.

“Now comes the fun part!” Natsuki says, beaming. She measures out a small amount of milk and flour, and methodically adds them a little bit at a time, being careful to not put too much of one into the mixture before adding the other. It really is quite endearing to see her so invested in something; she genuinely looks like she’s enjoying herself.

“Do you have any extra bowls, Yuri? I want to make these all different colours.”

“Yes, um, above you in the cupboard there…” I say, pointing upwards.

She takes a few bowls, and divides the batter up between them. Then, she adds a few drops of food colouring to each, mixing them together until she has a technicolour array of soon-to-be cupcakes. “There! That way, people will be able to pick their favourite colour, even if they all taste the same!”

_Natsuki really knows her way around the kitchen… I wish I could be more useful, all I’ve done so far is create an ugly, sloppy mess of sugar and milk…_

Pulling out several trays, Natsuki places paper liners in them and starts pouring the batter out. Once she’s satisfied, she closes the oven door, and sets a timer on her phone.

“How’s that icing coming, Yuri?”

_Oh dear… she’s not going to like this…_

I sigh in defeat. “I-I don’t know what I did, but I don’t think this is right…”

As she walks over, I show her my pitiful excuse for icing. She simply nods, and takes the bowl from me. “You’re just not putting enough muscle into it. Here, let me see that!”

Cradling the bowl in her arm, she whips the icing together with incredible speed and stamina. It’s really quite stunning to see how much energy she has. Soon, the mixture is transformed into beautiful, fluffy icing. Once she’s finished, she scoops a little onto her finger, then tastes it. Her pupils seem to dilate; it must taste divine.

_It wouldn’t be too bad if I had a little as well, right…?_

I start to reach over for the bowl, but Natsuki wheels around and grabs my wrist.

“Hey, you’ll have to wait until we’re all done! I’m the one who ended up mixing it all, so it’s only fair that I get first dibs!”

“Is that so…?” I smile, looking into her eyes with determination.

I start to push gently against her grip, inching my finger closer to the icing. I manage to scoop up a small amount, but Natsuki tries the pull the bowl away. Forgetting that she’s still holding onto my wrist, she ends up pulling the both of us down. As we both fall, I slip and land the icing onto her cheek.

“Aw man! Look at this now!” she exclaims. She tries to reach out at the icing with her tongue, but it’s barely out of her reach. _She’d kill me if I mentioned it, but it’s surprisingly cute…_

Suddenly, she wears a mischievous smile and scoops off the icing with her finger. “Take this!” She laughs, aiming at my face. However, I’m quicker, and reflexively grab her hand. Natsuki simply giggles, the icing sat precariously on her finger.

_Should I… should I go for it…?_

My heart beats as I slowly inch closer. _There’s no turning back now…_

“Mm.”  


I reach forward, and stick her finger in my mouth, curling my tongue around it to scoop up the icing. It tastes wonderful; the flavor invokes feelings of comfort and companionship, as though it were a warm blanket.

I open my eyes to see Natsuki blushing an intense shade of red.

 

A beat.

 

_Oh my god, did I actually do that?_

I shuffle backwards, my face blazing. “A-Ah! I’m S-Sorry! I just, um, it f-felt like the right thing to do…” I mumble, my voice dropping off as I finish the sentence.

Neither of us say anything for the next… well, I’m not sure how long we stay there. The two of us can’t stop staring into each other’s eyes. My heart begins to beat faster.

_What’s… what’s going to happen next…?_

Natsuki goes to make a move.

“I-“

 

She’s suddenly cut off by her phone ringing loudly, indicating that the cupcakes have finished baking. The two of us jump up, startled by the unexpected noise.

 

“I-I guess that means we should take these out…” Natsuki says nervously. She gets up and puts on a pair of oven mitts, then takes each tray out one at a time. As the door is opened, a warm gust of sweet air is unleashed into the kitchen. It immediately dissipates any tension that might have remained, calming us both.

“You smell that, Yuri? That’s what success smells like!”

I close my eyes and take it in. “Goodness, it’s heavenly…”

“Once they’re all cooled, we can start decorating them!”

Natsuki retrieves some thin icing bags, and instructs me to fill them. As I do so, I notice various tips with unique shapes.

‘These must all make different patterns as you use them, right?”

Natsuki beams back at me. “You learn quickly! Yeah, they can make all sorts of fun shapes. This thin one here could even be used to write!”

I pick up the thin tip, studying it intently. “I think I’ve got an idea for how we could decorate these.”

“Oh? Lay it on me, what’ve you got?”

 

“You know how we wrote out all of those words and tied them together with ribbons earlier? W-Well, what if we wrote on the cupcakes as well?”

Natsuki thinks for a moment. “That’s… actually a really cute idea. Then people can pick which ones they like based on their favourite words!” She grin, playfully punching me in the arm. “You’re pretty smart, Yuri!”

I turn away, my cheeks rosy. “I-I think you might be rubbing off on me a little…”

“E-Eh?!”

…

 

It took a lot of effort, but multicoloured groups of cupcakes all sit proudly atop the dining room table. Each one has a mixture of words, both whimsical and elegant, lovingly written across them.

“I think we did good today, Yuri!” Natsuki smiles, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Y-Yes…” I agree, “They look lovely…”

“I wish I could have one right now…” she mumbles to herself.

_Would it be weird if…_

Cautiously, I seek out a cupcake with an appropriate word on it. I stop on a purple one with “Pulchritude” written across the surface and pick it. Removing the lining, I gently hold the cupcakes out in front of me towards Natsuki.

“U-Um… y-you can have it if you want…”

She briefly hesitates, but eventually moves forward to take a bite. She audibly squeals with delight.

_Natsuki, if you keep acting this adorably in front of me…_

“It must be suitably saccharine then?” I laugh softly.

Natsuki nods enthusiastically, and takes the cake from my hand, biting into it.

“Thanks for helping out with these! You picked it up pretty quickly!”

“Th-That’s probably because you’re a good teacher…” I say, playing with a long strand of my hair.

“Well, shall we get these all packed away?” She says emphatically, finishing the cake, “We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow!”


	44. Celebration

After an extraordinary week, it’s finally the day of the Cultural Festival.

I’m still hesitant about reciting my poem in front of an audience, but I’m looking forward to decorating the classroom. I’m pleased that I was able to spend my weekend with Natsuki; having her around forced me to reevaluate the choices I’m making in my life. Whilst things won’t get better overnight, I’m hopeful for the future.

I have the banner carefully tucked under my arm, and also carry a neat box containing the ribbons with words, alongside my oil diffuser. Natsuki is trying her best to balance several trays of cupcakes on top of each other. She does surprisingly well, only losing her footing three times on the journey over.

Monika is already busily setting up pamphlets by the time we walk through the door into the classroom.

“Hey, Monika!” Natsuki exclaims, proudly lifting up the cupcakes. “We’ve got this room packed up and ready to go!”

Looking around the room, I notice that Monika is the only other person to arrive so far. “Are Emery and Sayori not here yet?”

Monika simply shakes her head. “Nope, it’s just me right now! But I’m sure they’ll be here soon enough.” She starts propping up the pamphlets again on each desk without any further thought.

I can’t help but recall my time with Sayori on Saturday. When I said I’d see her today, she simply said ‘Goodbye’…

For a second, a truly horrifying thought crosses my mind. _Was she… Did she mean to say…?_

_No… No, that can’t be right… I’m sure whatever is holding her up is totally benign._

I make my way over to the far side of the classroom, and move a desk close to the wall. Standing cautiously on top of it, I unfurl the banner, and attempt to hang it above the windows. I manage to securely tie one end up, but I need to hold it in place whilst simultaneously tying the other end so that it’s even…

 

“Need a hand?” Natsuki calls from below.

 

Monika laughs, covering her mouth with her hand. “I’m sure she appreciates the offer, but I’m not confident you’re tall enough to reach up there…”

I don’t know why, but I don’t want to stand by idly.

“D-Don’t speak for me!” I say, trying to juggle my nerves. “If she wants to help, sh-she’ll find a way…”

Natsuki stares up at me and nods approvingly. After pushing another desk to the wall, she hops up and grabs the other end of the banner. She has to stand on the very tips of her toes, but she just barely manages to reach, and fastens the banner up securely.

With caution, I lower myself back down and tie the ribbons around the other desks in the classroom. Once I’m finished, I start up my oil diffuser, carefully measuring out an appropriate amount of water and twelve drops of jasmine oil. Soon, the soothing mist permeates aromatically throughout the room, transforming it.

This is no longer a mere classroom; this is the Literature Club.

 

As if on cue, the door slides open just as I finish setting up. Monika wheels around to see who’s arrived.

“Ah, Emery! And… Sayori too!” She sighs, almost as though she were relieved to see the two of them. I hadn’t noticed it, but Monika must have been feeling very tense; she looks much looser and free now.

Emery places a collection of posters down onto a desk in front of him, and Sayori meekly shuffles in behind him.

“Sorry we’re late, everyone!” Emery says, chuckling, “There were just some last minute things we had to do. But we’re here now!”

Sayori gives us a small wave. Around her neck is an extremely cozy looking grey scarf, stylishly knotted and drifting playfully over her shirt. She steps forward to try and say something, but can only muster a quiet cough.

“Sayori has a bit of a sore throat,” Emery explains, “I think she was practicing too hard for today’s recital!”

“Oh, shall I make some tea? It might help…”  


Before they can give me an answer, I’m already leaving the room, kettle in hand. I know that warm drinks can do wonders for a sore throat; even if she ends up declining it, it’ll be good to have some on hand to help quell my nerves before the performance.

As I fill up the kettle at the water fountain, I can’t help but remember what I did the last time I was here. I flinch at the memory, trying to focus on the sound of the water running.

_I’m not going to let this control me… Natsuki will help me when it gets unbearable…_

_Natsuki…_

I stop the stream of water, and stare out down the hallway. She really has helped me a lot recently… I’m happy to know her.

_I wonder what might’ve happened if I hadn’t stopped her on Thursday…_

I’m proud of myself for summoning the courage to confront her. Perhaps confront is the wrong word, but… you understand what I mean, don’t you?

_Wait, what was that just now… “Proud of myself”…_

I smile giddily. _I truly am fortunate that this is how things turned out._

Returning to the classroom, I begin making the tea. _I suppose all that’s left now is to await the arrival of our audience…_

…

 

“Okay, Everyone!”

Monika addresses the other students gathered in the room. Most people sifted in and out, but there’s still a decently sized group remaining.

“It’s time for the main event! We’re going to show you all just how much literature means to us!”

She elegantly strides towards a tall podium set up at the front of the room and clears her throat.

“Each of us has prepared a poem to present to you all today. I would be delighted to begin our recitation with a piece simply titled:

**Joy**

****

_Do you ever feel like shifting words_

_Assail your mind like ravenous birds,_

_Flashing colours and aching static,_

_Forcing you into a panic?_

__  
  
When your days just feel repeated,

_It’s hard not to look conceited,_

_But what if suddenly, out of the blue,_

_Something happened that you never knew?_

__  
  
Someone broke the endless chain

_Of silent noise and bitter pain,  
Showing you that even today,_

_There might be another way?_

__  
  
So thank you for your curiosity,

_I’ll no longer show my animosity,_

_No longer do I have to be coy_

_About expressing my eternal joy.”_

 

Her diction is flawless, as always. It’s clear that this is Monika’s calling; whilst she has always been an active member of the student body, seeing how passionate she can be about something she enjoys is incredibly inspiring.

Everyone applauds, and Monika takes a bow. After stepping to the side, I see Emery stand up and walk towards the podium.

“Before I begin, I just want to say thank you to everyone in this club. Especially to my friend Sayori.” Grinning, he gestures over to Sayori, who waves bashfully. “You really helped me grow as a person, and I feel like I’d never have gotten here if you didn’t look out for me. So… thanks.”

“Anyway, the poem I’ve prepared for today is called:

 **A New day**  
  
_Did you think that was all I had?  
It pains me to see you ever so sad,_

_If you don’t tell me, I’ll get mad,_

_So please, let me make you glad,_

_I might not know what ails you,_

_But I can try to help you through_

_The dense fog, thick and blue,_

_Please believe it, my feelings are true,_

_You always like to make me smile,_

_But please, won’t you stay for a while?  
You’ve helped me turn the watchful dial_

_Around to caring in embracing style,_

_Let me help you find a way_

_To order your thoughts in disarray,_

_I really just want to say,_

_Thank you for showing me a brand new day.”_

 

The command he has over this poem is remarkable; it’s almost as if he’s a totally different person to the curious wanderer who could barely pen down ten words. I’m actually impressed with how well he did.

 

“I-I guess I should go now…”

A timid, shaking voice emerges from the crowd. It takes me a moment to realize that it belongs to Sayori, who slowly but precisely makes her way towards the podium.

“Thank you for coming everyone… it’s so good to see so many happy faces!”

She raises both of her hands in a victory pose and wears a wide smile. Her voice is quiet and somewhat scratchy, but she’s still doing her best. _How commendable…_

“This is a poem I wrote with someone very special in mind. It’s called:

**Thank you**

_You didn’t have to listen, but you did._

_Whenever I tried to turn and hide,_

_Burying thorns and greyed soot_

_Under fluffy puffs of candy floss,_

_You tried to blow them away._

_You didn’t have to talk to me, but you did._

_Whenever I tried to fake a smile,_

_And obscure obsolescence with tired laughter,_

_You poured the sun into crystal teacups,_

_And extended one out to me._

_You didn’t have to care, but you did._

_Whenever I tripped into a whirlpool,_

_Dragged around in final thoughts,_

_You threw marshmallows out to me,_

_Bouncing with determination._

_You didn’t have to be my friend, but you are._

_Thank you for trying to help me.”_

She sounds like she swallowed a tumbleweed, but her performance is still remarkable. The poem is somewhat simple, but the emotion behind it is clear. After taking a bow, she skips back to her seat.

_I suppose that means it’s time for me to present…_

I stand up, and quickly take my place behind the podium, resting my poem on top.

“This… um, Th-This poem is…”

I feel my eyes widen as I attempt to swallow my fears. _I didn’t realize how many people there actually were…so many faces I don’t recognize… what if I don’t make a good impression…_

_Okay, deep breaths… you can do this…_

I scan the crowd again, stopping on Natsuki. She notices me looking over, and flashes a big smile, sticking her thumb up in encouragement. It’s a small gesture, but it helps.

“This poem is titled:

**Heartbeat**

_Pounding eyes, exasperation,_

_Flowing, Liquid conflagration,_

_Rhythmic pulse of candid blush,_

_Delicate notes, thoughts that rush!_

_A considerate quail, quietly quelled,_

_Sleepy ribbons of bliss excelled,_

_Careful hearts are wild and flimsy,_

_Patched or broken on ultimate whimsy!_

_Nebulous trails of dainty tracks,_

_Final thoughts, no turning back!_

_Irrepressible, fervent drive to breathe,_

_Kindness calmed, that will never leave!_

_Exalted glow of fluorescent moss,_

_Graceful steps of love or loss,_

_Happy thoughts, or hidden grief,_

_A Cautiously cut, crimson leaf!_

_Thrashing thread of an untamed gaze,_

_Cacophonous chaos of hearts ablaze,_

_Sparkling sounds of silent desire,_

_from strawberry rhythms that never tire._

 

After the first couple of lines, I begin to feel comfortable. _This is my element… this is my territory…_

I emphatically gesture along with my metaphors, drawing my audience in. This is the kind of writing I want to share with people; a beautiful canvas of words, painted with colours from my soul.

Once I finish, I look up at the stunned crowd. As they begin to clap, I blush slightly and take a bow before quickly heading back towards my seat.

I look over at Natsuki, who stands behind the podium. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Are you ready, everyone! They saved the best ‘til last! This poem is called:

**Rhythm**

_Thoughtful flowers in paradise,_

_Kindhearted kisses, once then thrice,_

_Violet pulses from my chest,_

_Bashful blushing, my ultimate test!_

_Reticent smiles, I accept my fate_

_My beating heart I’ll liberate,_

_Pen strokes pool in a puddle of ink,_

_Faces flush, no time to think!_

_Timid stuttering, one, two, three,_

_I can do this, you’ll soon see!_

_Let me closer, picking posies,_

_Look at me now, cheeks all rosy!_

_Primal fears settling in,_

_Shake them away, or face chagrin,_

_Forcing myself, I shout to you!_

_You turn around, glistening hues,_

_I gulp down my savoury pride,_

_Revealing the feelings held inside,_

_You hold my hands, sweet success,_

_As you smile, and tell me “yes”._

As she speaks, I find myself unable to look away. _This entire time, she was hiding this talent from everyone..._

Her performance is intensely captivating, and the poem is exceptional. _Even I am at a loss for words…_

 

…

 

Today seems to have been a big success. Even if nobody else ends up joining the club, I’m glad that everyone was able to share their innermost thoughts so fervently. Seeing everyone’s words crackle and fizz as they sparked to life… this was the kind of inspiring event I was hoping to see when I joined this club.

The mood in the clubroom is mellow, matching the carefree sunset. Monika is sitting at the teacher’s desk in the back of the classroom, talking to someone on a sleek laptop propped up in front of her. She has a coy smile as she rests her chin atop her interlocked fingers. I can’t hear what she’s talking about, or to whom, but she seems to be enjoying herself immensely, if her gleeful giggles are anything to go by.

Emery and Sayori are standing at the far edge of the room, embracing each other tightly. Although she seems to be gently crying, she still has an unmistakable smile on her face. _I’m not sure what was bothering you earlier, but I hope you were able to get through it… you deserve to be happy, Sayori…_

Natsuki is sitting in a desk on the opposite end of the classroom, looking out of the window. I quietly drift towards her, and clear my throat to get her attention.

“H-Hey… I really loved your poem…”

“Thanks, you too! I-I mean, y-your poem! Your poem was good too! She stammers, flustered.

I tilt my head to the side, smiling. “S-So, was there anything else you wanted to do today?”

She looks around the room, as if to check if anyone else is watching. Monika is totally absorbed with her conversation, and Sayori and Emery are both headed out of the door together. Then suddenly, she stands up and grabs my hand, squeezing it gently.

“I was just planning on walking home with some girl named Yuri.”

_This feeling… My heart is fluttering, but it feels… nice…_

Natsuki grins back at me, her face slowly but surely becoming redder.

“Wh-What are you saying…?” I stutter, with wide eyes.

She laughs happily. “What does it look like, dummy? Let’s just get out of here.”

Pulling me by the hand, the two of us leave the Literature Club.

 

 


End file.
